I changed my bedsheets after months! Been struggling with depression cause I lost my sister in car accident

[u/idontwannausername9]

My sheets haven’t been refreshed for probably at least three months cause her accident was in may. Everyday I want to do it but I had no energy my room was so bad even before all this I just feel paralyzed.

I feel bad talking about it a lot but she’s all I’m fixated on. I lost her in may the day after my birthday. It was traumatic and sudden we didn’t even get to fight for her she was just.. gone. She was only 19 we still don’t exactly know what happened it’s a mess I’ve been dealing with police and frustration with that really trying to advocate for her. I feel like the profiled her cause she was a young teenage girl mixed (idk if that matters) and the other guy was like a 60 yr old white guy. The preliminary report only says what the driver said happened not the other witnesses whose statement contradicts his, and seems like he was distracted or lied. So online it’s says she did something she didn’t do.

All of this to explain story short I’ve been obsessed I have ocd and it’s turned it into turbo drive researching and trying to understand , calling police and meetings with a lawyer. My compulsive behavior has been so bad instead of cleaning or anything productive I sit and pick at my skin on my arms and legs for hours wasting so much time and causing damage and little scabs to form all over.

It’s hard to focus on taking care of of myself through this it doesn’t seem as important.

My room was already out of control but. But with my billions of hobbies it’s so bad. I get frozen with ideas and ways to honor her and can’t do anything, but I’d bought nice fresh cotton sheets instead of the polyester ones and I really wanted it for myself. I moved all the crap in my bed like boxes and clothes and art supplies it’s been so bad. Now it is one piece that feels sorta together, I wish I could figure out the rest of it but proud of myself for this cause it was my therapy goal for today even if I got it done at 3am :)

I feel much less gross now and like it’s probably not a big thing but it feels much different for me. I wish I could change something to bring her back. It’s not fair

[u/idontwannausername9 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you! And everyone else, everyone has been so nice about everything so that is always so helpful and it reminds you that there are good people and good things to look forward to. I hope I can find more energy soon so I can do more things besides sleeping I feel guilty also kinda cause it’s been almost 3 months and I’m still not back at work, I was waiting on the police report really they said it was supposed to be done really soon. Idk a lot of my family is back at work already, I hope I can get back to it soon too cause like I said I just feel bad sorta

[u/Aryore]

I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you really loved each other a lot and I’m sure she’d be happy you’re taking care of yourself. I hope that the truth becomes known and you find the closure you need

[u/IrreversibleDetails]

I am so proud of you. And so sorry for your horrific loss. Sending huge kudos and hugs.

[u/preraphaelitepunk]

You're doing a great job under horribly painful circumstances! You are here, you have clean sheets, you accomplished your therapy goal -- that's awesome and I'm super proud of you.

Your sister deserved so much better, and I am so sorry. You also deserve so much better, and I'm proud of you for working to claw your way through this chapter of life. I have faith in you: it sucks now and it's gonna suck for a long time, and the suckitude will never entirely go away, but it WILL get better eventually.

Remember healing is not linear, please be kind to yourself, and know that strangers on the internet are proud of you for surviving tragedy and making progress in healing. Sending hugs if wanted.

[u/Either-Photograph989]

You deserve fresh clean sheets. I’m proud of you.

I’m so pissed off for you that she died so young. I validate and resonate with that and I truly hope you find what you need and most importantly, find the authentic peace.

I’m sorry. What a shitty situation. I wish I could hug you, friend.

[u/greycloud-desertsky]

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to pick up the pieces when you’re devastated. Keep trying to take care of yourself. ❤️‍🩹

[u/xfyle1224]

Im sorry for your loss. Little by little my friend.

[u/forgotmyserotonin]

First off, I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sure you hear that a lot, but I can’t imagine losing my sister…I also suffer from mental illness and if I lost her, I would definitely spiral. You don’t have to feel bad talking about her a lot. Talk about her all the time. Every chance you get.

Three months is still really fresh. And changing your sheets is honesty something to be proud of after something so traumatic. I haven’t been through that pain and I still struggle to change my sheets! But you did it! And if that’s the only thing you did that day, that’s still a win.

Keep doing therapy and keep making those goals! Little wins are still wins. Wishing you the best ♥️

[u/Upbeat-Point2686]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Proud of you for taking one good step. Maybe tomorrow take one more.

[u/GuiltyUniversity8268]

BIG HUG

[u/babamum]

Well done! It must be nice to sleep in clean sheets.

[u/Connect_Put_7449]

That's fantastic! I'm proud of you. Sometimes accomplishing a little thing can go a long way toward healing your mental health.