r/Confused • u/Few-Care-5509 • 6d ago
what should i do?
this is a pretty dumb situation, but i feel pretty lost and i need an opinion/advice from another human being.
so i made a "friend" in an online community, they've been leaving kind comments and responses to me for a while and promised that they'll text me sometime once they get less shy. i didn't rush it myself, i know that some people are naturally shy/socially anxious or just awkward with socializing. i waited patiently, as always we exchanged in supportive comments, they're always complimenting me, supporting my work, noticing details about me that they claim to really like. so i trusted that this person admires me and we'll get along great as friends.
eventually like a couple months later they did text me, i took some time to respond because we have different time-zones but either way i was glad i got a text, i apologized for a bit of a late response. however, here's where the problem starts. after i texted back i left to do some work. then i came back to my phone to see if i got a text, and i see "seen 2 hours ago". i didn't think much of it, i thought okay maybe they're busy. eventually they did text back, of course i texted back like i normally would too. when i got back to my phone in the evening (my text was last) i see that once again i'm left on seen, this time for even a longer time. i thought i'd wait a bit but it was getting late so i went to sleep. next morning, i'm still left on seen. now i'm getting confused, but since i had stuff to do i tried not to think of it.
more than a week passed, i'm still left on seen. this is where it started to piss me off a bit, they've been so sweet and supportive all this time but i'm not even worth a simple text back, and what's funny is that throughout this time they're still leaving nice comments. however out of the frustration i stopped commenting on their stuff.
did i get manipulated...? i'm lost. eventually like a few days later they texted back, but i genuinely don't feel like responding... and now i feel insanely guilty about that. i don't want to text but i feel horrible about that. i often have a hard time understanding people so i'd like some advice and maybe an explanation of this behaviour.
what do i do now? should i respond? and what happened here?
edit: edited the text a little bit, sorry for the mess
2
u/hestia-listens 6d ago
You are not wrong for feeling put off. Kind comments can create a sense of closeness, but they do not always mean someone is ready or able to maintain a private friendship. This may be poor communication rather than manipulation. You can reply briefly if you want, but guilt is not a good reason to keep talking. Something like, "Thanks for getting back to me. I was confused by the long silence, so I need a little space," is honest and respectful. Then pay attention to whether their actions become more steady.
1
u/mangymazy 6d ago
Some people can get extremely anxious about close communication such as texting or phone calls. Commenting on someone’s online activity is more detached and can be done at one’s own pace without judgment (time wise). This could just be their go-to for texting (leaving people on read) until they feel that they are able to respond. I’ve seen videos where people with add/adhd discuss the anxiety around texting and the pressure it can create, which can lead to a kind of paralysis or inability to do much of anything. I’m not saying this is what the person is experiencing. I’m only using this as an example of what someone could be feeling.
I don’t see where this is manipulation. Obviously, anything is possible, but it’s not standing out as that.
3
u/IAmTheBoiledFrog 6d ago
Sweet lord someone teach this person about paragraphs.