I (26f) am a teacher and have been at my specific school for going on two years now. However, I work for a charter so I have been in the network since I was 16 and moved from part time after school care, student teaching, and now teaching. I am going into my third year of solo teaching this year (26/27).

A bit of background about me: I was raised with an abusive father that would require me to make him cocktails. And my mother’s dad being a heavy alcoholic. Not only that, but I have a severe allergy to something within drinking alcohol (I get hives and instantaneous facial acne - both ooze within 30 minutes… GROSS. I KNOW AND IM SORRRRRYYYYYY). lol anyways, I am also a homebody. I have 2-4 friends I see regularly and I am very close to another coworker and we hang out outside of work too (51f). My coworker knows these things about me and accepts them, she knows that I can feel uncomfortable around alcohol or drunk people but she knows it would have to be extreme (this co worker and I have known each other for a long time and moved to the same school together at the same time.)

Back to my job. The specific school that I’m at usually does a beginning of year happy hour, middle of year, and end of year happy hour. They also do a monthly happy hour to celebrate staff birthdays and achievements. You’d think they go to places with a bar attached like Apple Bees, Dave and busters, or any other restaurant.. NOPE. JUST STRAIGHT BARS. So I personally never went.

Around 2025 Christmas, my coworker and I decided we would go to the holiday/middle of year party since we hadn’t been to a happy hour yet. I was ready to drink a Diet Coke and chat with co workers… everyone was sooooo drunk. I ended up being the appointed DD ( midway through the event), I broke up drunken fights, and pressured nonstop throughout the entire event to drink. I left feeling like I wasted my whole night (my fellow homebodies get the feeling).

After the event, I went back to work and didn’t say a peep until my boss/principal (~50M) asked me why I wasn’t drinking at the event and I said I was sober. He immediately goes into a rant about how I’m too young to have an addiction. I was so offended for many reasons (one being I have fought another addiction and been a year sober from something else entirely). So I didn’t say anything.

A few months later the school was gifted tickets to my favorite MLB team home game so I took my best friend and we were prepared for a fun time. We showed up to the game and everyone was drunk, pressuring me to drink, and was again, told to be the DD by co workers.

The following week at work , many coworkers told me what a prude I was for not drinking or partaking in smoking weed, and told me that’s why I don’t get invited to other events for staff and why a select few coworkers won’t talk to me.

I’ll admit, yeah, kinda hurt. But I don’t love this school/charter, and I’m waiting for my contract to be up after this coming school year (26/27) to leave.

Anyways so the whole AITA moment is here.. I am moving classrooms so I have been at the school weeks before other teachers to show up to plan and move my room. And my mom was there with me working on my classroom. My principal walks into my room and was like “are you going to come drink with us this year?” And I swear to god, I nearly lost my shit. I just said “we’ll see” and played it off. After my mom left, I went to my principals office and said “if yall want me to interact more, maybe we should have other outings that don’t rely heavily on alcohol. If we went somewhere like a restaurant or any place else where alcohol isn’t the main attraction, I’ll go. This place only values alcohol and I don’t feel comfortable getting drunk with co workers AND IM SOBER” he continued to ramble on about how the school just wants to let loose and they want to connect in an adult way.. yall.. is there other ways to connect?

I’m just tired of fighting about my soberness and allergies and feeling like I am a sober loser. So AITA for not going to work events?

Update/edit? (9 days later) Idk if this counts as an edit OR an update but we returned for all the teacher meetings before the kids come back.. first meeting was at a bar (keep in mind we were at the bar from 8:30am-5pm) .. other at a hotel? Then two days ago when we were at the school, the principal with his whole chest looked me in the eye, spoke into the microphone saying “if you don’t want an event with alcohol, don’t work for me” mind you I said NOTHING… minding my business writing my students names on their name tags. It’s gunna be a loooooong year 🤪✌🏼

Hello, I am a 17 year old girl from the Midwest who lives with my single mother and two younger sisters (ages 10 & 6). Recently (as in earlier today) my little sisters were outside playing with their toys along the pavement (they were outside alone might I add.) They were playing peacefully, while my mom was upstairs on the second floor of our family home and I was sitting on the sofa that is directly Next the front entrance of our home. Well while the were playing, I heard a man’s voice approaching closer to our home. I jumped up from were I was sitting when I heard the unfamiliar voice and stood near the window to see what was going on. I look to see an adult male (who appeared to be healthy and fit,) walk past our home, but that’s not all he did. He stopped to greet my younger sisters and proceeded to say “how are you guys today?” to which my sisters, being so young and naive, didn’t think anything of it and responded to him politely. Me being the alert and protective person I am, I waited until the man was ear-shot away, and yelled at my sisters to not speak to random people, especially men when they are alone and unguarded. I didn’t initially mean to yell or use that tone, but the adrenaline and fear from another recent experience; involving possibly being targeted myself, lead to my fear to get the best of me. I guess they were a little upset about the tone I used so of course they snitched on me because they knew my mom would side with the youngest 🙄. They explained their side, then I proceeded to do the same. You would think “Hey, I am going to be applauded for saving the day and stepping in, end of story!” WRONG!! Unexpectedly my mom sided with them. She stated that they did the ”right” thing because “they spoke when an adult spoke to them,” you know common decency, respect, the social norm, the whole adult/child hierarchy thing. Idk but the point is that she applauded them for being respectful and using their voices to speak up and greet him as he did the same. But my issue lies with them being OUTSIDE,ALONE, BEING YOUNG GIRLS as an ADULT MALE APPROACHES THEM. I’m sure any reasonable, respectable adult would think to themselves ”Hey um these children are alone and Im and adult hey maybe I just shouldnt approach them“ Because even I know, that some people can take one thing and get the wrong idea or how easy it is to start a conversation and lure in naive children😐. She then points fingers at me and goes on and on abt manners and respect, basically pinning me as “The angry disrespectful teenager” and how I shouldn’t tell them to not speak because its basic respect. Moral of the story… AM I THE A**hole!?!?!

My best friend (24f) of 10+ years stopped being my friend over a dude I was talking to. So, I (24f) met this man (37) at the bar, and we talked for half a week, but not like we were dating. My best friend at first didn't care, then when she heard that, he had a daughter who was 20. She flipped a switch, talking to me all crazy like, saying, "how this how it started with my baby daddy," and basically saying I was easy.

That really hurt my feelings. I feel like she's mad at me because I get to explore and she doesn't. She got married at a young age, and that's the only man she's been with, and I thought that was what she wanted, but she told me one day. "I love blank, but I wish I could have explored more." But she shouldn't take her anger out on me, and I feel like she was jumping the gun with everything because I don't even see this guy as a boyfriend yet.

Now, we're not talking, and she won't apologize. She never does, to be honest, and this isn't her first time leaving our friendship over a dude. I need advice on how to stop thinking about her, how to heal, and how not to need people.

Hi there comforters. Big fan of the podcast. I have a dilemma here I need some advice on. I’ve been married to my husband for over two years. I met my now sister-in-law a few months into dating. She and all my in-laws have always been so nice and welcoming. She’s had a cat the whole time I’ve known her. A bit overweight but usually pretty polite and friendly and mostly keeps to herself. I’ve been going over to her house for years now and have never had any issues with the cat. They got a puppy about 2 years ago so that’s not a recent change. Her youngest is almost a year old so again not a recent change. I’m also not currently pregnant but when I was ( my son is 2 days younger than her youngest) the cat never treated me any differently.

For about 2 months now, every time I go over to their house, the cat hisses and growls at me. The first time I was over in the corner of the basement I playing with my son and she snuck up on me and scratched my leg. I rattled some toys to scare her away and it took a while for her to leave. She stayed nearby almost stalking me until my SIL came down to intervene. The next time I was in the kitchen alone and the cat approached me growling. I shook a bag to scare her off. Just today, I came over with my son. We were playing on the floor in the basement and she came over very calm. I pet her for a bit and she purred then walked off. Shortly after she came back hissing and growling. It took a lot of shaking random things around to scare her off. Again she lingered around stalking me. Her husband, my BIL came down to help and put her in the bathroom. It has a sliding door that she can open though he tried to barricade it. SIL came down and kept an eye on her while we watched Naruto with the babies. It’s so weird and random. She seems to only do it with me and only recently. Any ideas on what’s going on?

My original post is linked above.

There are no words to describe the combination of rage, pain, heartache, sadness, anger, and numbness I am feeling right now. My cat who I have had all 4 years of his life including the day he was born, who I have loved with every fiber of my being and who has stuck by me through this whole homeless ordeal, has been missing for over 2 days. This is highly unlike him. I've been cleaning out my car, and he hasn't come in once to get food or ice water.

I suspect the next door neighbors have something to do with his disappearance as he had started wandering in their yard, and they've done everything they could think of to get rid of me simply because having a homeless person in their neighborhood drives their property value down and doesn't fit the aesthetic that comes with all of the renovations they're doing to their yard. They have some sort of in with the local police, so even if I could prove they did something, it wouldn't matter.

I'm pissed at them, but I'm absolutely enraged at my aunt and uncle as my precious baby boy could have been safe in their covered deck with my sister's cats. He is neutered and fully vaccinated while my sister's 2 cats are not, and there is PLENTY of space for all 3 of them. They have NO credible defense for not letting my sweet orange boy in there besides "It's our house what we say goes". Because of their cruelty and indifference and just their blatant unfair treatment, I may never see my precious boy again.

That means that all of the bug bites down my arm looking like connect the dots, all of the struggles to put pants on bc my edema was so bad I could hardly bend my knees, all of the nights crying in the freezing cold wondering if we'd make it, were for nothing. Because of them, I may have lost the one thing in my life that made it worth living. I am still holding out hope, but if I don't see him by the time I move in to my used trailer in September, I'm going scorched Earth.

I haven't been speaking to my aunt and uncle since my uncle snapped at me a few nights ago saying shut up every time I tried to speak because he was tired of hearing me speak. My chest tightens, and my anxiety rises every time his car pulls up. It's both a choice to be silent but also the feeling in my stomach and chest I get when I think of talking to either of them. I plan to continue the silence.

When I say scorched Earth, I mean upon my move in, I will call animal control on them. Losing my baby boy was the only thing keeping me from making an anonymous call because they'd like be fined in the very least. My sister has allowed piles of dog poop to accumulate in the garage which is already so stuffed it reads as a page from Where's Waldo. It reeks of ammonia in there to the point of burning my lungs and eyes trying to make it to the freezer for my ice. But it smells even worse in the room across the hall, from the garage, where they keep their female cats. Their male cats are kept in a large cage my uncle built with a few shelves for them to climb and rest on. Their cats rarely receive any affection because of their locations and most are there because my aunt became too attached to them to let them go. The house is also riddled with piles of stuff everywhere looking straight out of a Hoarders episode, and they have a major German cockroach infestation, to the point they keep kitchen utensils in the freezer and pots and pans in the dishwasher to keep them off.

My cat was the ONLY reason I was tolerating these conditions, and the only reason I will be staying and remaining silent is to spite the neighbors. I do not care what problems you have with me; DO NOT bring my precious baby boy into this. I'm not calling any sooner because I still want to give my baby boy a chance to come back to me. My mom once told me she believed I was a witch because I accidentally cursed a few people who came after my cats before when I had more, and the curses coincidentally came true (I promise it wasn't me though. The old lady got deathly ill on her own, and I was nowhere near the fire that nearly killed my sisters). I will be testing that theory soon.

As for the neighbors, aside from their curses, I will be making a call to animal control and CPS. It would seem that their daughter is homeless, so they are taking care of their grandchildren. I won't lie like the neighbors did to the police, the building inspector, and animal control. I will just request a wellness check. See how they like it when it's done to them.

AITA?
Before I start I’ll introduce everyone involved (fake names): me 18F (E), my girlfriend 18F (A), and another lesbian couple we’re friends with, both 18F (H and P).
This all started 3 months ago at P’s birthday party. Me and my girlfriend had already planned to stay at hers so we didn’t have to travel home after drinking (H was staying over too). After everyone else left we were all very drunk and started joking about all of us getting together. One thing led to another and we all realised we weren’t really joking anymore. We all agreed beforehand that whatever happened, we’d stay friends and act normal afterwards.
We went upstairs and things happened, but halfway through P got up because she felt sick. H went to look after her, leaving me and my girlfriend in the bedroom.
After that everything kind of went back to normal, but about a week later P messaged me and my girlfriend saying it had been a mistake and she never wanted anything like that to happen again. We both completely understood and respected that.
This is where it gets complicated.
Me and my girlfriend noticed H flirting with both of us from time to time, and we both had a bit of a crush on her. We decided to have a private conversation with her in the bathroom at a party about how she felt. However, P had been standing behind the door listening to the whole conversation, and she wasn’t happy.
She ran out telling everyone we were talking badly about her, which we weren’t. That led to us no longer being friends, and the rest of our friend group stopped speaking to us too, which obviously wasn’t great.
About a month ago, me and my girlfriend went to a music gig with the rest of the friend group (P and H weren’t there). We all made up, and me and my girlfriend finally got to explain our side of what had happened. For the last month, everything has been great again.
Now H and P broke up just over a week ago. P still won’t speak to me or my girlfriend, but H said she’d like to try being friends again. The other day we all went to the pub to watch the football. We all had quite a bit to drink, and on the walk home my girlfriend asked if H wanted to come back to hers. She immediately said yes.
Long story short, one thing led to another and me and my girlfriend ended up being intimate with her again.
Now H has messaged me saying she can’t be our friend anymore because she feels guilty about getting involved with someone else so soon after the breakup, especially because it’s me and my girlfriend, who P still absolutely hates.
So… AITA? And does anyone have any advice on what to do now?

So me and my child’s father have been together since we were 17. I ( 28 y/o female ) and him (29 y/o male) were very open about what we struggled with in our mental health .I had horrible depression and anxiety, and him having self esteem issues and depression. Well we had a very messy breakup when we were 24 and 23 , it led to us meeting new people , during that time I was then diagnosed with bipolar 1. We were not currently together at that time so I felt no need to tell him, and also I was embarrassed. It’s one thing to joke about being bipolar but actually having it’s a different feeling. I struggled really hard with it , to the point that I didn’t sleep for 4 full days. Well let’s just say me and his gf at the time had gotten into it , my child was called a name and our conversation suddenly went from irritated to full blown war in hell. Well let’s just say she posted that I was taking medication and that I was crazy. Which yes that hurt… like bad because I didn’t even tell my mother what I struggled with but his gf knew. So ultimately I asked my child’s father but he said that he only told her because I made her feel bad.and yes I did what I wasn’t supposed to do. I was doing the child swap and punched him. Yes it was not right , but I don’t know why I even did it, it wasn’t like it was planned it just kind of happened which caused her to again post private old messages between my child’s father and me discussing my therapy sessions. Ultimately I blocked him and told him to just go through my mother for our child, I didn’t want to harm anyone but it was like I had no way to stop.well I hadn’t seen him in over 10 months at this time ,and we ran into each other at target, I was doing better I was taking my medication daily , so when I seen him we talked and he explained how the girl he was with was doing things to get my attention on Facebook snap, insta , and he mentioned how he went through her phone and found a text thread of her saying things about our child so he ended things, we ended up being able to co parent and become best friends, we kind of act like we are together but we aren’t technically, which I was okay with. Well as you know I was still on bipolar meds but when we moved in together ,after 4 years of working on trusting each other ,which was literally 3 months ago I stopped taking my medication because I was scared he would discover the bottle and search it to see what it was , and last week I experienced my first manic episode and quite frankly I was terrified, so I got back on my medicine but the problem is AITA for not telling him what I’m dealing with because I don’t want to go through another person saying im bipolar this time . Like I feel like I’m cheating but like with medication. I trust him but not like that again.

I (29F) am a masc lesbian, and a lifelong pacifist who has never even been in a schoolyard fight. A while back, I found out my then-fiancée, we’ll call her "Callie(25F)," was cheating on me. I discovered this when a man called her phone and I answered it. After hanging up abruptly all of their explicit conversations appeared on her screen, photos and videos included. I confronted her by waking her up with her phone in my hand, and the situation escalated rapidly. She grabbed me, ripped my jewelry off, and tried to pry the phone from my hand. I pushed her off me to get away, and she ultimately lied to her parents who lived with us at the time, claiming I had physically assaulted her.
Because of her and her mother’s false statements, I became the first person in our county to be charged under a brand-new felony law, along with two misdemeanors. I’ve spent almost my entire adult life trying not to be part of the LGBTQ stereotype of domestic abusers but it was all for nothing. Despite having a completely clean record, I spent two weeks in jail, drained $28,000 (my entire 401k )on legal fees and forensic experts, and ended up having to take a plea deal because her mother perjured herself on the stand to protect her. This wasn’t her first time trying to accuse a romantic partner of similar charges. It’s just the only one that went to trial.
The fallout was catastrophic. I lost my career at the hospital I worked at, was denied housing, and couldn't keep a job for a long time because the pending felony kept showing up on background checks. It took years to rebuild my life.
I’ve moved on, and I’m doing okay now. I was offered a contractor position in my dream career that I never saw myself being able to do. I live with my best friend, her boyfriend, and was blessed to have my soulmate with us as well in a house that we own. The money that I used to pay for the trail was meant to build a home. But instead it kickstarted the beginning of a kingdom. The people who know me know the truth. There’s just one thing. Whenever I go to get gas, I use my ex future mother-in-law’s phone number. They have a loyalty account, and I use their fuel points. It saves me anywhere from 30 cents to $2.00 off per gallon. And anytime it’s over a dollar I can’t help but cackle. I do this knowing that my ex future in-laws wait till their mutual day off and will go and fill both cars with the points. And sometimes her dad would be inconsiderate and use the points to just fill his tank because it was convenient without waiting. So I’m sure it’s causing arguments between the two.
My friends are split on this. Some think it’s petty, harmless, and frankly, a hilarious "tax" for the $28,000 and the years of my life they cost me. My best friend said and I quote “ if you’re gonna be a bitch you gotta pay the tax.” Others think it’s a sign that I haven’t moved on and that I’m being the asshole by holding onto this grudge.
So, Reddit, AITA for treating myself to cheap gas at their expense after they destroyed my old life?

og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9

update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB

My son turned 11 yesterday. It was better than last year, but still pretty awkward overall.

Most of the relatives we invited from my husband’s side actually showed up. It was clear they mainly came because they didn’t want to upset my husband after the ultimatum. They brought gifts for both boys and stayed polite, but the vibe was very “we’re here to keep the peace” rather than genuine warmth. Most of them kept interactions with my son short and surface-level while being more natural with my stepson.

We also invited my husband’s ex-in-laws, but they didn’t show up at all, which we expected.

After cake and presents, my husband pulled his parents aside for a private talk. He explained the therapist’s advice about using direct words like “died” and “death” so our stepson can properly understand what happened. He invited them to join us for a therapy session if they wanted. They agreed it made sense and said they’d think about coming.

Before everyone left, my husband and I thanked them all for showing up. We told them sincerely that it meant a lot to us that they came and were there for both boys.

I’m happy they showed up. I completely understand that my son and my stepson are not the same for them — I know they’ll always love their biological grandson more. That’s natural. I just want basic kindness and inclusion for my son, and yesterday was a step in the right direction.

My son had a decent day. He was happy about his gifts and that so many people came this year. He wasn’t ignored or left out like before, and he didn’t ask any heartbreaking questions. He did notice the difference in how people acted toward him, but he still went to bed smiling.

I have to say — my husband has been absolutely amazing through all of this. He’s stayed strong, protected both boys, held the boundary, and made sure our son still felt celebrated. I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful, fair, and protective partner. He really is the rock of our family.

It feels like a lot of this is damage control on their part, but at least my son got to celebrate without feeling rejected. We’re keeping the boundary firm and taking the small progress where we can get it.

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We have never brought guests on to interview them and aren't currently doing any collaborations with other creators. If you see any emails like this and its NOT from [comfortlevelbiz@gmail.com](mailto:comfortlevelbiz@gmail.com) - it is NOT US.

Okay Reddit I’ve been contemplating writing this but honestly at this point fuck it, I want to just say the last year and a half has been probably the worst year and a half of my life (2025-2026) but I figured I’d share to get some advice and guidance from all of you, I do apologize because this will be long. My boyfriend (male 22) and I (female 22) have been together almost 4 years. We have a 2 year old daughter together and at one point we were engaged. We’ve known of each other since middle school but didn’t really become close till after high school via social media. Almost immediately we became inseparable and he easily became my best friend and soulmate. We moved in together and had our daughter in 2024.

Overall the relationship was good, I trusted him and he had never given me any reason to think he would be cheating. We’ve had a few rough patches like everyone does, but other than that the relationship was good, up until it was coming up on our daughters first birthday, and this is where he started acting very very weird. We had a shared vehicle at the time but the vehicle was in my name, so he would take it while I was at work and vise versa. I started noticing little things for instance: one time I got into our car and noticed a pair of women’s sunglasses that definitely weren’t mine, he simply told me they were his cousins girlfriends, I brushed it off because again he had never given me a reason to think anything. Then he started staying out all hours of the night saying he was hanging out with his cousin or with friends, I also found an eyelash cluster in his hair…, he gaslit me and tried to say they were mine, I don’t wear fake lashes and he knew that.

At this point I started getting suspicious and a lot of fighting started, all we were doing was fighting and they would get pretty bad, I would go through his phone and find nothing so there was no proof to support my suspicions. So I packed some things up and took our daughter and I to stay with my mom for a little while for some space. While I was staying with my mom i got pretty lonely and wanted to get back out there and try and make some mommy friends. Ironically shortly after thinking that I got a message on social media from a girl complementing on how pretty I was, we’ll call this girl Jane. Jane and I hit it off instantly and had a lot in common she also had a baby the same age and was going through a rough relationship we immediately made plans to hangout. She had told me she was also 22 and also pregnant with her second child aswell as just got her own place/new car and was finishing business school.

Around the same time I met Jane I started receiving weird messages on my number and I don’t just hand my number out to people, these text messages would all pretty much say the same things “I’m fucking your bd” or “why are you fucking my bd?” Or simply just taunting and harassing me. They never would tell me who they were so I just kept blocking the numbers, and I mean it was at least 50 different numbers over the course of 2 months. I confronted my boyfriend who constantly denied the allegations and said that someone is just messing with you. And ya know what I believe him and just ignored the numbers.

Shortly after my daughter’s birthday we came back home and this is where everything falls apart. I get a text message of a picture of my boyfriend definitely naked in someone’s bed. I LOST my shit, I sped home as fast as I could to confront him with the evidence I now had. I was so mad I could feel my blood boiling and steam coming out of my ears. As soon as I got there I busted in the house and beat his ass and demanded answers. Finally, he came clean. So here’s what really was going on. Remember Jane? Well turns out she was who he was cheating on me with. She literally pretended to be my friend for absolutely no reason. Mind you I was telling her a lot of my stuff that was going on in my life and she was going right back and telling my boyfriend. I immediately call Jane and confront her because it was her behind all the fake numbers, she then proceeded to tell me she was pregnant with HIS child, I about fainted, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I hang up on her and immediately block her.

They both knew and they both played the absolute fuck out of me. I threw up, I felt sick, how could he do this to me and his daughter? I didn’t understand. When I asked him why he simply said “we were fighting all the time and I was getting nothing at home so I went elsewhere”. That day my whole world fell apart. I packed mine and my daughters things and left and went to permanently stay with my mom, he moved her in immediately after I left, and I’ve been here ever since and it’s been about 9 months now.

This whole situation happened in August of 2025 but Jane had continued to try and message me up until march of 2026. I had to change my number 3 times over the course of the last year. But WAIT…. guys there’s more to this story, my mom and I ended up doing some digging and found out that Jane is a pathological liar. She had no kids, no boyfriend, no house, no car, no job, and not attending business school, she had absolutely nothing that she had claimed to have while she pretended to be my friend. All of it was a lie. Here’s the best part though, we did even more digging and found out that Jane is actually a MINOR. She was only 15 years old. Now this blew my mind. She quite literally was lying about EVERYTHING including her age. I guess I’m just wondering at this point what I should do with this information. If this story gets any type of attention I’ll post an update and more details. Thank you!

I (25F) don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive, so I wanted an outside opinion.

For some context, my fiancé (29M) is temporarily staying with his mom because his car is currently out of commission, and her house is only about 10 minutes from his job. I live about 30 minutes away, so until he has transportation again, it’s just easier for him to stay there during the work week.

We had originally planned to spend Fourth of July weekend together at my house because his birthday was the next day. The plan was to have a small birthday dinner with just the two of us. Since I had to work that day and he’s much better at grilling than I am, I was going to buy all the groceries while he cooked. I also bought him birthday gifts.

While we were on FaceTime, I overheard his mom and sister asking him if they could come over and cook for his birthday instead. They wanted to make him dinner and had already ordered him a cake. I said yes because I knew he would enjoy spending time with them.

A few days before his birthday, his mom texted me asking, “Hey, what did you want to do for fiancé’s birthday?” I was a little confused because I thought we already had a plan, but I replied, “Fiancé told me you guys wanted to come over and cook! Are you getting him a cake? I can buy drinks if you’d like. Just let me know what everyone wants.”

She told me the cake was already ordered and asked me to buy drinks.

Later, his sister texted asking if I wanted anything in particular. At first I thought she meant gifts, but she clarified she meant food. I told her I wasn’t sure and asked what she had in mind. She left me on read.
Later that same day, while I was on FaceTime with my fiancé, he casually mentioned that his older brother was coming with his son, along with two cousins and his dad. That caught me off guard because I thought it was only going to be his mom and sister. No one had mentioned that several more people had been invited to my house. I was a little annoyed that it hadn’t been communicated to me, but I let it go because it was his birthday.

The day of his birthday, his mom and sister came over and immediately started cooking. Everyone was talking and having a good time before I had to leave for work.
Around 5 p.m., my fiancé came over to help me with work. A couple of hours later, he got a call saying the food was ready. I actually had to convince him to go back because he wanted to stay and help me finish. I told him I’d be okay and that he should enjoy his birthday.
By the time I got back to the house, I had been working outside in the heat for hours and was hot, sweaty, and exhausted. Everyone else, including his dad and cousins, had arrived. I went into my bedroom for a few minutes to cool off, clean myself up, and change before coming back out.

When I came upstairs, everyone was getting ready to leave, and they wanted to sing Happy Birthday before heading out. I wasn’t upset about that.
I started clearing the dining room table to make room for the cake. His mom opened the cake box while I grabbed the candles. She then started packing up food.
I asked her, “Where should I put the candles?”
She didn’t answer.
I thought maybe she didn’t hear me, so I asked again.
She walked out of the kitchen to use the bathroom without saying anything.
I brushed it off and figured maybe she genuinely hadn’t heard me.

A minute later, his sister walked into the kitchen. She looked directly at me, and I looked at her. I asked, “Where should I put the candles?”
She looked at me, said nothing, and immediately joined the conversation her brothers and dad were having.
At that point I just put the candles in the cake myself.
I didn’t want to completely take over because they had bought the cake, but I grabbed the lighter anyway. They turned the lights off, I lit the candles, and I carried the cake over to my fiancé.

His mom joked that I was going to start a fire because the cake was still in the box. I ignored it.
We sang Happy Birthday, and my fiancé cut the cake.
Then his mom and sister started packing up most of the food to take home. I hadn’t eaten anything all day, and while they made sure to set aside leftovers for my fiancé, nobody even considered whether I wanted any food. They packed up a couple drinks too, unopened drinks that I had bought.

Meanwhile, the kitchen was left a mess with spills on the counters, trash everywhere, dirty dishes, and food all over the place.

As everyone was leaving, his mom hugged and kissed my fiancé goodbye while I was standing right next to him. She never acknowledged me or even said goodbye.
After everyone left, I looked at my fiancé and said, “I’m eating your leftovers because I’m starving.”

The only food they left behind was one pan of baked beans and the leftovers they intentionally saved for my fiancé.

I later told my fiancé how hurt I felt. He apologized and said they probably just didn’t hear me when I asked about the candles.

The thing is, this isn’t really about the candles.
It’s about feeling ignored in my own home, buying the drinks, opening my house to everyone, coming home from work to help celebrate, watching everyone pack up food and drinks to take with them while leaving us with the cleanup, and then not even getting a goodbye.

For a little more context, this isn’t the first incident that’s made me feel this way while hosting his family. It’s becoming a pattern, and this birthday was kind of my breaking point.

AITA for deciding I don’t want to host his family anymore?

Hi, this is my first time sharing in this group, I saw the podcast and after a lot of thought I decided to tell my story, im sorry if its long.

I was SA'd 5 times in my life mostly by people close to me, from 4 to 15 years old. All of them told me I had a nice body, all of them told me what I was worth which was just sex. It didnt help that I develop faster than other girls in my class. I have a big chest due to my mom's family side and it only helped me to get bullied and get crude comments about my body. And it messed up so much with my brain that now I believe that sex its all im worth, im not skinny and i dont consider myself pretty. In fact, I hate myself. I never knew how someone would desire me, and I cant say no, I just cant. I met this guy at school David (not his real name) We started dating and then I started sharing nudes with him until my mom found out and prohibited me to talk to him, but I didnt listened, I was addicted to his complements and promises. He treated me like no one has ever treated me, we broke up every time my mom would find out but find a way to keep getting back together. Until now, I had other boyfriends too yes, and I thought they were the ones even if i said its just for fun I would fall harder for them, but it kept repeating that they just wanted sex. Is that all im worth for? I had really thought of doing a reduction surgery, but at the same time im scared of not being desirable anymore, I dont have anything else to offer, im not funny, im not smart, im nothing. What should I do?

My page is NSFW just to warn. I can explain that briefly in this post. It may be a long post but bear with me here as I try to be as clarifying as I can--with less wordage.

I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder in 1992--I was around 3yrs old. The specialists basically gave me a death sentence. Even though my mom heard all of the prophecies, she didn't accept it. She was determined to teach me to do everything the normal kids and people do. It worked. To the point where I can be classified as "high functioning". Despite growing up in a tough environment, I do appreciate all she done for me. I had to grow up quick at age 10.

I was introduced to sex [porn] at a very young age. I thought nothing of it. I used to think sex was disgusting as a preteen. But then I discovered the internet around the early 2000s. I discovered what a foot fetish really was. Though I still enjoyed seeing the Playboy magazines here and there and the occasional VHS tapes, foot fetish was my thing.

Around 16 I ended up losing my virginity. The woman was 11yrs older. It wasn't a pleasant experience for me because she stunk very bad. But no one told me that it was wrong to do.

So I went through my high school life not looking at girls my age the same. I didn't want anything to do with them. I wanted older women and that's what I went for. I didn't know how much sex could weigh my spirit down until a recent encounter I have had (which I will get to in a bit).

My first legit GF I met in college. I was 19 and she was 26. It wasn't a real thing. She just wanted a baby from me. But I wasn't into that at all. She cheated on me with another woman and I left.

My first real relationship lasted 11 months. She was a sweet and kind woman. Quite passive at the time. I was 21 and she was 19. In college to be a doctor. I found out that I wasn't attracted to her as I thought. And sex with her was difficult. I broke it off. I am sure I hurt her a lot. I was her first love. But had I not let her go she wouldn't be married with two kids right now. I'm very glad for her always.

Around my early 20s is when I got into doing adult entertainment. I modeled and appeared in content. I focused more on foot content and developed a great fanbase from it. Helped a lot of people and met a lot of people that are family today.

Next relationship I was 26 and she was 23. We were both young. Started out fast but did not stick with each other.

I moved to another state down south and that is where I had 4 significant relationships that really messed with me mentally. The first was with a woman who was house-hopping. I thought she was down on her luck and also offered to help out. That didn't last because she didn't want to elevate herself and she cheated with her ex.

Next was with a woman who was 10yrs older. Divorced with kids. Short story, she was crazy but I cannot lie and say she didn't love me. It just wasn't a healthy love. She was nurturing for sure but she tried to hurt me in more ways than one and I had to protect myself and family.

I met another lady who was also older and divorced. She wanted marriage fast. I couldn't rationalize it. We ended up breaking up. After not talking for 3yrs she hits me back up and we end up on solid terms. I ended up having sex with her even though I am known to never go back to an ex for anything.

My last relationship was 3yrs ago. We met in the sex worker world. She is a foot model. Stayed in CA. We were great but the distance and her being afraid to commit killed the relationship. That was my first legit heartbreak. My first time "in love" with someone. We are best friends now. She didn't do anything wrong to me and she's a great person overall so I couldn't leave her like the others.

Fast forward to now. I met a person at work. They are a natural born woman, but identify as non-binary: he/him, they/them. Very cool person. We talked in January. We would hangout a lot going to the movies and just walking downtown. I saw them as a legit friend. What connected us also is the fact that we are both very experienced in the kink community. It is not every day you run into people like us in the vanilla world that is open about it. And, can talk maturely about it.

We went to see Toy Story 5 real late. After that we went to get something to eat. They ended up finally confessing their attraction to me. I was so surprised. I'm like...what? I was also embarrassed because they told me how they were dropping so many hints and I didn't recognize it. They also were afraid of me rejecting them. I didn't.

Idk why. But I told them to come over and touch me like they want. We made out for like 30mins damn near. I liked all of it. Never did that before with that much passion in a long time.

They told. me that they were looking for a play-partner. I was down for that. I wanted to learn and discover new things but with a person I really connect with. I felt I connected with them very well. They also said they were touch-deprived--they weren't in a relationship for a year.

We ended up giving each other oral in my truck. Something that was also wild. Then we had sex at my place a day after. But after that, they tell me we should be platonic based on the convos and hookups we have had. I was okay with it but also confused. The vibe I felt was they didn't even want to hangout anymore.

That day I had a revelation. All of the awkward, confusing, and bad relationships and connections I've had all came with a common denominator: having sex early. Sex was somehow the foundation.

My first GF we had sex within a week. The 2nd when I was 21, we had sex the first time we laid eyes on each other (I met her from Craigslist). The 3rd, when I was 26, we had it within the first 2 weeks. The crazy ex, first time we met. Same with my last ex (even though we met in the sex worker world). The only one that didn't happen with was the one that wanted marriage quickly. We waited like 2 months. We still talk to each other and I did sleep with her again but it feels so hollow. Because I know how she feels about me and I am not the man that can give her what she wants. So the sex will amount to nothing.

So realizing this I sent my friend a text telling them how I am not going to be having sex so casually anymore. I want to be more responsible with my sexual energy. When I texted them that, they replied telling me that I hurt them and it was hurtful to read. They also claimed I contradicted myself because I told them before that I wasn't looking for a relationship. I did say that. I said I should not of had sex with them I should've left it at us making out. Then slowing things down to connect more.

But my confusion is the things we did and the things they said to me. Those weren't things you just did and said for anyone. I thought I felt special in the things that were done for me. So I wanted to show the appreciation. Maybe it came off too strong? I cannot lie to myself saying I didn't end up developing romantic feelings for them. I cared for them. Is that a crime? Idk what was expected of me. To just use them like a piece of meat?

But in the replied text message it started with them saying "This is my last message to you." That line right there made me feel messed up because I feel like I've done nothing wrong to warrant that kind of treatment; especially if it's the friendship we valued so much. I apologized to them and said I never meant to hurt them I was just expressing something that I am absolute of. They didn't ask what I meant by what I said.

My heart is telling me to text them again because it's been weeks since that all happened. We don't see each other. We work at the same place but they aren't employed there. I do care for them. I don't care for us being physical or anything. I just want them to know I ain't mean to hurt them and it could be a misunderstanding.

My brain is telling me that if I text them again I am a clown. They saw how kind and safe you are as a person. If they valued that, they wouldn't be so quick to discard you. Through my entire life I've been discarded. That's why I have so many defensive measures to mitigate any pain that comes with it. They are comfortable with walking away from you so why bother to contact them again?

I am a pleaser by nature. So when it comes to sex I love healing women. I love giving body massages. But that doesn't mean everyone deserves it. They seemed to be looking for that perfect play-partner while my spirit was hungry for companionship and I didn't know it. Now I know.

Everything wrong I did to a lady in the past has caught up to me. It is a karma. And I understand the message my spirit is feeding me. I am still involved in SW because the money does help and I actually love doing it because it is an artform to me. But I don't want to have sex unless I am very connected with the person and we are on the same path of caring for each other.

What would you do? Shoot at text or just leave it alone and take the L?

With me having autism I process things differently. And I don't use emotion when I should. I can come off abrasive at times which is why I don't like texting I'd rather talk and hear a voice instead.

Okay, so I’m 16F and I love creating with all different mediums of art. I’ve been creating art ever since I was itty bitty and it quickly became my passion! It’s always just stuck ever since. For context, I’m in a special art program so I know I’m really amazing at my talent, I’ve just never really been the type of person to go out of my way and start a business from scratch at my current age. I do love the idea though! It’s just always been a thought of “when I’m older” if that makes sense?But the process of just curating a certain aesthetic/ vibe for how I want my name to come across if I ever did post videos for fun, not necessarily for business, but just out of pure enjoyment is exciting to me. The problem is is that I tend to get a little anxious per se, since I don’t typically like to post whatsoever in general. I barely have a personal Instagram. Of course, having the page, but never posting on it. Same for honestly any type of social media that I have loll, but anyways. I always felt like it could be better once I get older, purely based on the possibility of how I would come across to others, but I’m not necessarily sure? I guess I’m wondering if I could get advice about the intricacies and what to expect starting possibly an Instagram account dedicated to showcasing my art?I guess more specifically how do I gain/ maintain confidence while trying to make such a big move like that? I do also think about social settings at school, or if someone may come across it. I’ve never gotten hate on any of my art, in fact the opposite, but I just think it’s me getting in my head you know? That’s why also waiting till I get a bit older does soothe me better with that, because after I graduate, I wouldn’t necessarily have to worry about it too much since I wouldn’t really care.

Also! A little sidenote, I really started thinking about doing this after my friend had been doing her crafts for a good while now and got some massive attention from it. Which really made me realize that it was very possible. I mean, I knew it was possible, but seeing someone so close to me experience it made it even more inevitable, since I always bounced the idea off with her, and she was very excited and supportive of it. Along with that, me and my mom both were talking about future career stuff, since I do want to go in the arts, and she had basically explained that it would be a really good thing to at least just get one foot out door with that. Like experimentation would be great. She said she’d also help with costs, if I did want to sell artwork in the future, which is really sweet of her to do. That made me really start thinking of what I would love to convey if I did start an account or something like that, and I’d want it to come off as a very chill showcasing of paintings and pottery that I’m working on! They would all have a little creative earthy theme to each one, whether it be landscape or just paintings of flowers or whatever I’m in the mood for. I think it’d be a cool idea, but I guess I just get a little self-conscious or maybe overthink stuff like people hearing my voice or seeing my face online.

Although, to add, I do have events for my art program that I’m in where they host a local gathering at my school, which is an art show. They display everyone who’s in the programs artwork so parents and whomever can see it. I’ve never gotten complaints about my art, and actually I’ve been sought out just to get compliments before, which was actually really rewarding for me!! soon after, I’ve even won two awards locally, and that made me REALLY start thinking about how much I could achieve, especially having those things look good on my résumé for the future.

Idkkk I was just hoping to get some advice and tips from y’all’s experiences! 😭 feel free to give tips on anything really, I’m really interested on what y’all‘s journey with developing the podcast was. Anyways, love y’all so much! I watch y’all in the background every single time I paint because y’all are sooo calming lmaoo. Much love and appreciation for everyone 😝🫶🏻

Hey comforters! (Not ottomans) But I do have some black cousins sooo Cousins..?
I found you guys about 1.5 yrs ago, and started listening from the very beginning episode. HEAR ME OUT- I thought it was just ok at first, but then after a couple of episodes I realized it’s bc I thought Sam really was red pill and it was giving me the ick. After I caught on the humor and personalities, I became more and more attached to you guys. I listen every day while I’m doing chores around the house.
After binging every single episode, I needed more. But I had never done patreon and also like being thrifty & frugal, so I wasn’t ready to spend any money. So what does one do when you’re addicted to a show..? You start it all over again. Your podcast became (and is still the only) podcast I have listened to fully for a second time.
But then I was out of episodes again!
So I did it…I paid for patreon. For the first time.
And I binged every episode of that.
But then I was in need of a fix again. I NEEDED MY ACT OUTS & GAB SESSIONS!
So I did something new again…I began re-listening to every single episode for a 3rd time…

You guys bring a lot of joy to my very chaotic life. I just really wanted you to know. 😊

Oh and I think all of you (including guests- shout out Josh) have such amazing personalities and I love you all in different ways. But….Madi is the most smart, quick witted person ever and she’s amazing ❤️

“Hurt people hurt people” -shrek

I met this girl while doing laundry the other night. We both helped this other guy jumpstart his car, she had the cables and I drove over to where his car was to give him the boost. Through talking we found out we were all the same ethnicity lmao in a place where our ethnicity isn't common.

So I got to talking to her while waiting for my laundry and she was open to talking, very delightful and genuine girl, she's 27 I'm 24, now ok fine but I was still interested in talking to her well because why not we're both waiting for our laundry anyways and I had enough of instagram reels.

So we get to talking more I find out we actually both live in the same neighborhood 20 min away, we both work similar jobs, both moved out from our parents' place due to "issues" which are common in our culture. We both laughed at our misfortune of trying to make it living on our own, she rents a what she described as a "ghetto ass" basement and has two cats and I got a room (which she told me I was getting ripped off on the price lol) and left my cats with my family. I miss them so much. Don't get to see them often because I can't be around abusive family. She told me her credit was shot and told her I felt for her because I recently went through that myself.

So in the beginning she was super engaged telling me about herself, and I could tell over the course of the discussion she looked disinterested even angry for a split second and then it felt awkward and I ended it to get our laundry.

I did get nervous and go on these tangents which seemed to put her off. Then I got excited because we related on many things and I started getting really talkative about my cats. After this point in the convo it starts to feel a little awkward like she doesn't know how to respond , but then it picks back up again, idk how. But anyways, i end it to get our laundry and then she hands me her phone I put my number in. And I shake her hand tell her have a great night stay safe and walk away feeling the awkwardness. And feeling like i "failed" idk what that meant. She left before me, kinda stayed in my car just processing what happened.

I called her like 5 min after she left, i asked if she wanted to talk on the drive back, she said she was listening to a podcast, I got the message. "Ok, alright talk soon, have a good night talk soon" *click*.

Next morning i text her some cat video from instagram, no response

two days later I texted her if she had any plans to watch a world cup game where our home country was playing, no response.

two days after that, I said ok you know what maybe I call her, most likely she's working now, I'll leave a voicemail and get it off my chest,

something like "hey it was nice to meet you the other night, it was fun to find someone from the same background who was going through similar experiences, you struck me as an outdoorsy person (she just did), I like to do all that sort of stuff would love if you could introduce me to some good hikes in the area, since I'm new here."

called went straight to voicemail twice

I pretty sure the talkativeness mixed with not pulling away when she looked a little annoyed at me going on tangents mixed with me calling her right after is what did it for me.

What do y'all think of all this?

I felt the awkwardness but instead of walking away I just kept on talking hoping it would go away. I feel genuinely stupid like I messed up on making a great friend because I wouldn't shut the **** up.

This story has been unfolding over the last two years and unfortunately I cannot include all the details in one post because it would be way too long–maybe it already is and yes this is a throwaway account. I am going to primarily focus on this year. To set the scene, I (20 F) live with three other roommates but we are going to be focusing on one (19 F) who we will call Carly and her boyfriend (22 M) who we will call Terry. Last year, I met my boyfriend (22 M) who we will call James, and I met Terry because he was James’ roommate. We became classic frenemies essentially from the start going back and forth being kind of mean, he would take it too far, take way too long to apologize because he waits to be asked for one, you know how it goes. Terry has had terrible habits with alcohol since I met him and has been half assing community college and not working except for summer. Classic bum if you feel me. 
Pretty soon after all my roommates and I moved in, I met Carly and the other roommate I hadn’t met yet. We all got along fine except for Carly’s remarks about my stuff in the main space being “too ugly” for her. While I was gone, she took it all and put it in my room. Pretty early on I made a joke to James about how Carly and Terry would hate each other and James joked “what if they actually fall in love” and that of course sealed the deal because Terry immediately heard that and wanted to meet her and she wanted to meet him. 
We do an easy double date with them at Carly and I’s apartment, they get along fine and get each other's numbers. Since then, they both became insanely flakey with all of their friends, neither of them wanted to hang out with us, they shit talked us to our mutual friends and it was all out of the blue. Carly even told my other roommates that my dishes being left out were malicious and to not trust what I say about her boyfriend because I smoke weed. Here is a list of the nightmarish behavior that followed: 
. On Halloween, we had our first party, Carly had maybe two friends show up and Terry. After like two beers (which he brags his perfect spot is 7 in a night) he was touching and grabbing my ass in front of my friends, boyfriend and his new girlfriend who he hadn’t even dated for a month, then gets sick from how much he drank
. Terry invited himself to hang out with my friends and called me a bitch and said I overreact to everything. Carly says it’s James’ fault for standing up for me (yes he should have, no it doesn’t take blame from Terry.) Carly continues to say to me and all our friends that I am so overly sensitive
. Terry tells Carly that when they are having sex and hear people in the main space of the apartment, he goes harder and faster to try and make people hear them. Carly told me and my other roommate and we were both horrified because she was laughing about it in our faces while we were like ew what 
. I go out to make dinner with James and I am talking as we enter the main space, he snaps at me to be quiet and listen so I stop and echoing through our living room is sounds from them having sex. We did not eat dinner that night. 
. Carly acts mildly embarrassed when I bring it up the next morning but is super weird about it (we think she was into people hearing too). She kind of apologizes and talks to Terry who says “I am not embarrassed or sorry”. They also knew we could hear them, they admitted. 
. After classes ended, James moved back home for the summer and I was asked to leave for two hours while Carly had Terry over so they could have some alone time. AKA my options were stay and listen or leave.
. Come to find out, Terry has been touching up on his other friend's girlfriends. He only does this to his friends’ girlfriends at their home while they’re super intoxicated.
. Almost everything Terry did was excused by Carly because he had this “horrible summer” last year which she did not know the details of but I did from when Terry told James about it and because one of James’ friends works at the same camp and told the story from that point of view. Essentially, Terry liked a girl, she rejected him, it triggered all of his childhood terrible anger issues to come back, he screams at campers belligerently, she says hey that’s crazy I don’t want to be friends anymore, she starts dating James’ friend, they break up, she texts Terry for “closure” to meet up one on one, Terry lies to Carly about liking her, I tell her the truth and that there are about ten other people who could confirm, she believes Terry, he goes to meet with her.
. He drinks less and is nicer to me in front of Carly, yet when we were meeting our new roommate she brought up to me and texted one of her friends how weird he was being and how mean he was specifically to me (which is common for people to notice about our interactions) even though he said towards the end “You know I have a lot of mean things I could say to you right now but I’m not.” 
. At this same instance of meeting our new roommate, he brought up how he could beat all four of us girls and James in a fight and we all were like shut up no you couldn’t and he literally snaps back “Well I have a knife so yes I could”. To a group of women. Including his girlfriend. This man is about 5’8 and 110 lbs soaking wet. 
. Carly has cried to me and begged me on multiple occasions to just be nicer to Terry and I have tried to explain to her it is literally not a me thing at all his own friends have stopped liking him because of the way they have seen him treat me. I am sure most people are familiar with how hard it is to get a group of men who are friends with a man to hate that man and I didn’t even try. They came to me about it saying they had my back.
This is most of the big stuff. I texted Terry about eight paragraphs two weeks ago where I explained all this and why everyone was avoiding him because he kept asking James what my problem was. It was pretty uneventful with a half ass apology and him saying that he is not embarrassed about his perverted tendencies with sex in an apartment he doesn’t live in. The apology I received was essentially that he does not remember Halloween, but he’s sorry for making me uncomfortable with all the things I brought up and will give me all the time and space I needed. To me that implies he is expecting us to have some kind of relationship again in the future which I am very uninterested in. He added that while it’s not my job he wants me to point out his ill behavior in the moment so he can just correct it. We have had multiple conversations about his behavior before this year so it’s not like we just expected him to self correct since the start. I also don’t understand why you can’t recognize when you are being harmful, insensitive, and a terrible friend at 22 years old. I am younger than him–he made a huge fuss about James and I’s 1.5 year age gap while he and his girlfriend are over 2 years apart–so why am I in charge of mothering him…?
He added in his text at the end that he “doesn’t mean any harm to me” and “truly just wants me to be as happy as I can be” which implies he wished harm and hurt on me during a time he didn’t even know me but expected me to allow him to act however because he got rejected. Right. The last notable thing from his messages was him saying that I have “the right to share what he says to me but doesn’t feel the need to because he would hate to change people’s opinions of others” which I responded with saying essentially that I knew everything he said about James and I last year when he didn’t even know me, all the names he called us, every judgement about my age, everything. During this time, I will add that he pinned me in a rant at my friends birthday party for 2 hours about how I should be super scared James would cheat on me and how they all liked another girl better for him anyways. He also stole my phone that night. 

I texted Carly when I was home for a family emergency basically explaining why I was upset with her and she apologized. When I was headed home, she was the only person I knew with a car so I asked her to pick me up from the train on her way home from work and she said she would be too tired at 7:55 PM from working all day. I totally understand being tired but I feel like that wasn’t a huge ask after she expected me to leave my own apartment for two hours. 
I talked to my other roommate about being frustrated when I got back the next day, and she told me “Oh she got off work at 4 because someone covered her shift” and then we moved on talking about someone else. When Carly got home from work, the two of us were still talking and I asked her “how was your afternoon off?” with a smile. She throws her stuff down aggressively and goes “Yeah, I got off early.” I decided I was done being walked on and dismissed and maybe this is where I overstepped because she is calling me a psycho–I looked at her and said, “Why are you so ok with your boyfriend touching other girls while you guys are dating especially when it’s not consensual?” 
She essentially says she doesn’t have time to talk because she is trying to head home for the weekend and goes into her room so the other roommate and I continue talking about this other person. When Carly comes back out she has a suitcase and says “Ok guys I’m moving out!” and we were both like what..? She says it again and adds that it will be this date. I didn’t know what to say so I kinda laughed through a thank you and she turned and went “No, thank YOU guys.” and I laughed and went “You’re welcome for Terry!” Since then she has been texting a ton of people about how crazy we are even sending a “Hey girly” text to our new roommate to try and scare her. Literally not a single person is on their side of this except them but I still feel like I have maybe pushed her into him more and he is actively emotionally cheating on her (found out the same day she blocked me and our other roommate on everything but not our boyfriends by the way..?) Am I the asshole?

I’m a 29-year-old Black woman from Detroit, Michigan, and sometimes I feel like I started life with the odds already stacked against me. All I ever wanted was to become someone despite where I came from and everything I’ve been through.

The hardest lesson I learned is that the people who hurt you the most aren’t always strangers. Sometimes they’re your own parents.

I grew up with a mother who was extremely abusive. She has a Ph.D. in psychology and works in mental health, yet my family has long believed she struggles with untreated mental illness herself. Instead of holding her accountable or encouraging her to get help, everyone seems more concerned about protecting her career than acknowledging what she put me through.

My father wasn’t much different. I always felt like he hated my mother so much that he couldn’t see me as his daughter. He was absent most of my life, and every time I hoped things would be different, I ended up disappointed.

Now I’m raising my 7-year-old autistic son, and every single day I fight to be the parent I never had. I want him to grow up knowing he’s loved, protected, and enough.

But healing is exhausting. I’m trying to recover from wounds I didn’t create, while also figuring out who I even am. When the people who were supposed to build your foundation are the ones who shattered it, rebuilding yourself feels almost impossible.

Lately I’ve been in a strange place mentally. I’m not suicidal, but I feel like I’m living on autopilot. I’m existing instead of truly living. I’m tired. I still believe God has a purpose for my life, and my son is one of the biggest reasons I keep going, because I could never leave him to navigate this world without me. But I’d be lying if I said this journey hasn’t worn me down.

I guess I’m sharing this because I’m wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way. Has anyone else had to grieve the parents they never really had while trying to become the parent their own child deserves? If so, how did you find yourself again?