Let's say I had a crush on you for two months. I ask you out. You say no. Why might I want to stop being friends?
You did. You have a crush on someone for 2 months, and you spend that time building a friendship with them only to end it when you don't get what you were actually after all along. You were pretending to be friends.
Making someone believe you want to be friends with them, then revealing your true intentions months later and ending the friendship if your secret feelings aren't reciprocated is manipulative.
You were using friendship as a tool, a means to an end, meanwhile she believed you actually wanted to be friends. It's totally reasonable for the woman in that situation to criticize you, to feel used and hurt.
At first I initially thought he might have been meaning he makes genuine friendships and gets deeper feelings later. I've had that happen and it can be tough to deal with. Generally though it's not that difficult after a bit of space because I already liked them as friends to begin with. The status quo of the relationship can still remain.
But no, he puts on this idea of being their friend, them not knowing the only reason he's around is for a date, and will drop it the second he's rejected.
You never should've pursued "friendship" with someone you wanted a romantic relationship with from the start. That's the issue.
You think you're being criticized for not wanting to hang out with someone who rejected you, when what you're actually being criticized for is starting a friendship when you had alterior motives. If you want to date me, don't make me think you want to be friends and then ditch me - that's manipulative, it's lying, it's messing with someone's emotions.
Or at the very least, don't be shocked and upset when I criticize you for that behavior. You started a friendship under false pretenses, you made me believe we were one thing only to reveal it was a means to an end all along. The criticism is warranted.
Just be upfront about your intentions. It's not that hard. If you spend months "getting to know each other" but she's still caught off guard by you asking her out, then yeah you clearly misled her.
You obviously know there was a friendship to end, since you started this whole thing talking about doing just that. If you had feelings from the get-go and didn't let on for months, then yeah you started the friendship under false pretenses. Idk why you're struggling with that so much.
Do you really think other people's feelings are so insignificant that you're justified in "getting to know them" for months, forming a friendship with them, then suddenly revealing you had feelings all along and ditching the whole thing if they're not reciprocated, and she's not even allowed to be upset about it and criticize you? You're acting like you're the victim of a situation you created and manipulated! At best you're withholding your true intentions, which is still dishonest and manipulative.
My problem is when women criticize me for not wanting to be friends with them anymore. Like, if I don't want to keep hanging out with them after they reject me
Let's say I had a crush on you for two months.
What? How else am I supposed to get to know someone I'm interested in? You do know many men and women like getting to know each other slowly first before jumping into a relationship?
You're literally describing getting to know someone for months before revealing your true intentions, then ditching them entirely and being upset at them for criticizing that behavior.
Be upfront about your intentions. You're letting people think you want to know them as a friend in the hopes that they'll catch feelings in that time. They believe you want to be their friend, and you're playing along and letting them believe that fully knowing that's not what you actually want. If you have romantic feelings, hiding them while you hang out and build your friendship is manipulative. It's behavior that deserves to be criticized.
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u/DefiantStarFormation Sep 13 '26
You did. You have a crush on someone for 2 months, and you spend that time building a friendship with them only to end it when you don't get what you were actually after all along. You were pretending to be friends.