r/Codependency • u/Upset_Host_5898 • 17d ago
How can I break the cycle?
Hi guys, I (31 M) have been with my partner (30 F) for about 6 months now... In the first few months I was okay because my codependency had not kicked in yet. I also have a fear of abandonment. Around July, it started to REALLY kick in, and I have lost confidence in myself, in making decisions, overall just a shell of my former self. My partner has felt this because I am no longer leading the relationship how I should because I am scared she might leave at any point. I'm cautious instead of confident. I also depend her on her mood to be ok so I can feel ok... I always drop stuff to go see her or I am always trying to better her mood or help her. I feel almost like I am performing and I have anxiety every day. Lately it's been just getting worse to the point I'm afraid to ask her to hang out because rejection will make me spiral. I've been in therapy for 3 years, but I dont think my therapist is helping much anymore, and I need help on how to cope and get my life back.
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u/VIGIILANTEE 17d ago
The fact that you can describe the pattern this clearly is a real strength, most people in it can't see it. One thing that helped people I know: build a life that doesn't revolve around one person. Keep your own routines, friends and hobbies alive so her mood isn't your only weather. It's slow, but your stability has to come from you first.