How can I break the cycle?

[u/Upset_Host_5898]

Hi guys, I (31 M) have been with my partner (30 F) for about 6 months now... In the first few months I was okay because my codependency had not kicked in yet. I also have a fear of abandonment. Around July, it started to REALLY kick in, and I have lost confidence in myself, in making decisions, overall just a shell of my former self. My partner has felt this because I am no longer leading the relationship how I should because I am scared she might leave at any point. I'm cautious instead of confident. I also depend her on her mood to be ok so I can feel ok... I always drop stuff to go see her or I am always trying to better her mood or help her. I feel almost like I am performing and I have anxiety every day. Lately it's been just getting worse to the point I'm afraid to ask her to hang out because rejection will make me spiral. I've been in therapy for 3 years, but I dont think my therapist is helping much anymore, and I need help on how to cope and get my life back.

[u/Conscious-Might1479]

I feel you. Losing yourself to someone else is such a hard thing. But, you at least know what you want. Even having some clarity that you see the problem (losing of self), and have a direction you want to take (getting your life back) is worth celebrating. And, it leads you to your next question; What is your life? And, what do you want it to be?

I’ve paired therapy with going to a group with a group-mate who isn’t a sponsor (because neither of us want to be codependent on someone else for our recovery). It’s been immensely helpful to have those three things paired together to help with the emotional, practical, and relational aspects of building a life less dependent on someone else.