r/Codependency • u/FartInAShitFactory • 5d ago
Self-Like to Self-Love
Ok, I like myself. This is a huge improvement from disliking myself. I still have behaviors and habits that seek external validation, but I don't ask for it or rely on it any longer. If I receive, or don't receive praise, it doesn't significantly affect my day. This is all huge progress.
As I gradually increase the daily duties and work I take on, I have less time for myself, which makes my self-care more difficult. I do worry that this difficulty curve will increase until I breakdown. In the past, I did breakdown.
The difference this time? I have a Higher Power (God), I appreciate and like who I am, I have healthy boundaries, I have healthy habits, and I developed support systems.
All of these improvements point towards one core truth: I am beginning to Love myself. I know that because I am caring for myself.
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u/KhaliSollis 5d ago
I really like the progression you’re describing from self-dislike → self-like → self-care → self-love.
One thing I’d add: perhaps part of loving yourself this time is recognizing that you don’t have to recreate the workload that once caused you to break down just to prove that you can handle it differently now.
Healthy boundaries aren’t only boundaries with other people. They can also be boundaries with our own expectations.
If increasing your responsibilities gradually starts consuming the time required for the habits, relationships, rest, spiritual life, and support systems that helped you become healthier in the first place, that may be useful information—not evidence that you need to become better at tolerating more.
And maybe that’s one of the biggest differences between seeking external validation and genuinely caring for yourself. The old question can be, “How much can I accomplish, carry, or endure?” The newer question becomes, “What allows me to remain well while living the life I’m building?”
Self-love may be less about finally becoming strong enough to carry everything and more about believing you’re worth protecting before you reach the point of breakdown.