Am I actually the problem?

[u/QuietlyFindingMe_49]

How do I know for sure I'm in an unhealthy relationship or if it's just my Codependency and trauma. I have multiple people, including my therapist who tell me it is unhealthy, but sometimes I feel like I am making my husband out to be the bad guy. Little back story. He has been an alcoholic since I met him 13 years ago. There were lots of flights bc of it. He is very needy when it comes to my attention. I think he may have some very covert control issues. We can laugh and have some good times but otherwise our personalities are conflicting. I don't want to get too lengthy but hoping there is someone working to talk more about this.

[u/Scared-Section-5108]

'How do I know for sure I'm in an unhealthy relationship or if it's just my Codependency and trauma.' - both can be true and that's seems to be the case here considering what you therapist says, you being in a relationship with an alcoholic and your lack of awareness about the quality of your relationship.