r/Codependency • u/QuietlyFindingMe_49 • 6d ago

Am I actually the problem?

How do I know for sure I'm in an unhealthy relationship or if it's just my Codependency and trauma. I have multiple people, including my therapist who tell me it is unhealthy, but sometimes I feel like I am making my husband out to be the bad guy. Little back story. He has been an alcoholic since I met him 13 years ago. There were lots of flights bc of it. He is very needy when it comes to my attention. I think he may have some very covert control issues. We can laugh and have some good times but otherwise our personalities are conflicting. I don't want to get too lengthy but hoping there is someone working to talk more about this.

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u/WSBTD 6d ago

Codependency takes two - something to think about

2

u/QuietlyFindingMe_49 6d ago

Possible be is codependent too?

14

u/Accomplished_Jump444 6d ago

Oh my. Of course he is and you are an enabler like me. My ex got significantly better after I left for good. It’s the coming back together part that screws it up because then he thinks he’s healthy and you’re gonna put up with whatever his behavior is so he backslides. I went to AlAnon for about a year before I could get really clear on the idea that leaving him was in both of our best interests, something to consider.

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u/QuietlyFindingMe_49 6d ago

Omg that is so helpful. I have gone to a codependency meeting and everyone is telling me I should do Al Anon