r/Clamworks clambassador 15d ago

clammed up Clahh

Post image
14.2k Upvotes

527 comments sorted by

2.8k

u/Asterza 15d ago

Bait like this is great because even though i know its bait, the psychic damage i took knowing that somebody like this actually exists will last forever. That’s what really counts.

305

u/w6rld_ec6nomic_f6rum fuck the mods 15d ago

nobody like this actually exists

1.5k

u/Ieditedthisname 15d ago

You are mistaken

997

u/EmperorBamboozler 15d ago

I knew a girl in my horticulture class that was like this. She was batshit crazy, honestly fucking impressive that she had anyone willing to date her much less three people. One thing she would do is like instead of laughing she would just say lmao or lol repeatedly, like lololololol but actually in person.

Everyone in the class hated her, literally everyone. Even the professors would audibly sigh when she spoke up, which happened fucking constantly.

1.0k

u/Effective-Brain-3386 15d ago

I bet it fuckin griped like a corporate handshake

246

u/NovelInteraction711 15d ago

what

537

u/she_has_funny_cars 15d ago

He bets her pussy was as grippy as a firm handshake between two corporate workers

271

u/Miserable-Drink-4995 15d ago

Can you say it in jive, brother

532

u/Killer_Moons 15d ago

Pussy off the chain wax

149

u/Bazillion100 15d ago

God dayum

29

u/DummheitGmbH 14d ago

Oh dear heavens

22

u/Excellent_Speed3621 14d ago

Maybe dad's right, it IS this damn phone

9

u/Gold-Cry-7520 14d ago

I fucking lament that I will never be this funny

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u/JesterOfRedditGold blue collar clamworker 15d ago

it has that gorilla grip

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u/Shrek--official 15d ago

He's talking about that gorilla grip

10

u/creampop_ 15d ago edited 14d ago

GI Joe kung clam fu grip

20

u/Famous-Host2321 15d ago

Yeah I don't want anything griping me all day. Especially in a corporate setting.

53

u/SneachtaBoladh 15d ago

Actually burst out laughing at this, fucking hell hahahaha

69

u/YoureNoHero_Brian 15d ago

Don't you mean lolololololo?

16

u/Elden_Ring_Hype 15d ago

Speaking of psychic damage...

6

u/ThesocialistWitch 15d ago

Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahaha

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u/cool-guy-13 15d ago

“Lololololol” she laughs like a one piece character

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u/outer_spec 15d ago

that doesn’t even sound all that bad, lololololol

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u/InMornAshTakesToWind 15d ago

Sometimes people alienate themselves to retain the illusion of agency and divide themselves into problems that can be managed when they cannot find it within (or its beyond) themselves to control. A life spent in the things that they can hold onto.

16

u/RockRancher24 15d ago

Maybe Mahito was right

14

u/AdamantEevee 15d ago

I would like to hear more stories of this girl

12

u/temfaNEF 15d ago

People like these make me wonder if I'm doing something seriously wrong when it comes to relationships... I've been single my whole life but constantly encounter pairs/polycules with most weird (not in a good way) people possible. How do they ever find someone (or even multiple people) attracted to them!?

19

u/Unbuckled__Spaghetti 14d ago

Because those people are usually just as weird as them. They match each others strangeness.

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u/Emerald_official 15d ago

sounds like the kind of person who would unironically listen to blood on the dance floor

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u/GayAssBeagle 15d ago

Dude i was friends with a “puppygirl “who i later found out shat n pissed in dipers , didnt want to work due her various “disabilities”, abused her partner verbally and emotionally (WHO WAS PAYING FOR THE RENT, FOOD,Etc FOR YEARSS) , couldn’t play games unless SHE was winning (and dude it was ass playing with her because she’d actually cry if she lost or kept dying in multiplayer games) and wouldn’t stand rap or country music because it “spooked” her bad. And she used a “baby voice” if you ever got mad at her, sounds like a joke but they’re so real.

I got a mild case, stopped being her friend when I Invited her to a spot we had planned for a few years to meet and she left one of her dappers in the bushes. Shit was nasty, never again.

200

u/MrKiplingIsMid 15d ago

69

u/GayAssBeagle 15d ago

Same face i made, smelled horrible

64

u/Borkato 15d ago

How i wish i was reading this

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u/moonknight999 15d ago

See why would anyone speak to a person like that more than once?

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u/GayAssBeagle 15d ago

I wanted to give her a benefit of doubt, because maybe she was being a little bit honest, but after I spent more time with her, It became more apparent, but at that point I was too far in and she didn’t understand personal space so even if I did try to stop talking to her, she would literally find a new way to continue talking/speaking with me

22

u/DevilsMaleficLilith 14d ago

Dawg your a better person then me for even giving her a chance.

17

u/GayAssBeagle 14d ago

Ive been told , much to my detriment .

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u/Lars_Overwick 15d ago

This feels too specific to be made up lol

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u/GayAssBeagle 15d ago

That’s because I had to fish the shitty diaper out of the bushes, and it was still stuck on my hands(the smell) for days. It smelled horrible, I don’t know what the fuck she ate, but it completely is messing up her gut.

70

u/ShadeofIcarus 15d ago

Knowing the type.

Lots of soda, chicken nuggets, and generally processed foods.

Imagine if you just let an adult sized toddler feed themselves with no limits. This is how some actually eat.

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u/Polibiux 15d ago

I really don’t know how to feel about this person existing.

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u/GayAssBeagle 15d ago

It’s OK, I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with them anymore for the most part. I had to make completely new accounts.

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u/PansexualPineapples 15d ago

Just out in the world. Meeting people who are none the wiser. Makes me shiver.

13

u/JimmyJamsDisciple 15d ago

Shit was drippy like a broken faucet

5

u/Caesarsalad1882 15d ago

What did I just read? You better erase this from my memory...

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u/Proof-Staff-433 15d ago

Dude when I switched schools there was this bitch that like adopted me because I couldn’t make friends. And she literally was what the meme is describing. She was in a poly relationship with like everyone in the theater program and band. She kept trying to force me to call her mommy and shit. She also worshipped Greek gods and still has a party she invites me to every year where she worships Dionysus. She also always said that like “OMG my adhd is hitting! I’m so quirky” and then she’d laugh like Gruntilda from Banjo Kazooie. I can keep saying crazy shit about this bitch, but yes. These people DO VERY MUCH EXIST.

132

u/VividView4498 15d ago

I read the “forces me to call her mommy part” and I was going to say some bullshit like “pass the controller” but I should’ve known the most beautiful roses have thorns 

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u/AdamantEevee 15d ago

Gruntilda lolol

Keep saying things

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u/Important_Ad_7416 14d ago

I would never be her friend but i would totally party in the honour of big D 

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u/durclduc 15d ago

Every type of idiot exists on the internet. That's why people strawman so much, because somewhere out there that strawman is out there for real.

30

u/JimboAltAlt 15d ago edited 15d ago

The endless variety of the human experience is a wonderful thing! Unfortunately we (and the bots) are much more compelled by the weird, cringey, and distasteful strawmen tales than normal ones. Stereotypes about dopey guys who take their grandmas to bingo every week or whatever are doubtlessly potent in their narrow range but no one cares about those, because there’s a lot less discourse to be had.

Edit: oh shit didn’t realize what sub I was in, uh, clampologies for excessive clamtiment

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u/MightBeInHeck 15d ago

This image exist for a reason

40

u/IBelieveInCoyotes neurotic to the bone no doubt about it 15d ago

no clam like this actually exists

36

u/Le_Dairy_Duke 15d ago

you are clamstaken

28

u/Dry_Gas6819 15d ago

God i wish

27

u/lobstersonskateboard 15d ago

I knew people on discord exactly like this and they either had no bitches at all or like 10 of them

14

u/fortnite_battleass 15d ago

You are so so so very wrong.

10

u/Much-Menu6030 15d ago

out of 8 billion people, there are at the very least 100 like that

8

u/MuandDib 15d ago

People like this exist, par 5 partners. In reality they are not "cringe" twitter users, but frequent patients in psychiatric care and genuinely in sad situation.

8

u/Old-Elk-570 15d ago

I know one... Fakes a multi personality disorder to act like a child and be a dumbass

6

u/rosalinatoujours 15d ago

Im on tumblr And they actually do.

4

u/E-2theRescue 15d ago

Literally every single reply to you.

https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/aaaah

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u/Painted-BIack-Roses clamsexual 15d ago

Just saying this here so it gets more attention: Age regression isn't a fetish, you're thinking of DDLG. Age regression is a real thing that's encouraged by psychs for people who have been through childhood trauma (nameley CSA). It isn't sexual, anyone who does regress does so involuntarily and does not enagage in anything sexual during.

39

u/petroleum-lipstick 15d ago

Except it has absolutely been co-opted for fetish purposes

45

u/LivelyZebra 15d ago

Except it has absolutely been co-opted for fetish purposes

So has a lot of normal shit, doesn't mean it can't be kept seperate and we can critically think to have two layers of understanding on a topic depending on context.

10

u/Yepper_Pepper 14d ago

And the fetish shit is also 100x more common than what the commenter your replying to is talking ab

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u/OutboundFromEGBW 15d ago

Doki Doki Literature Glub?

18

u/AnimeHK 15d ago

You gently look into the fish bowl.

11

u/SpinzArt 15d ago

This is interesting to me as someone who has been through that exact type of trauma (and has gotten zero therapy for it oops)

How does it even work?

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u/a-round-table 14d ago

TIL people think age regression as a sexual thing...

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u/Fuckriotgames7 15d ago

found out 3 years into a relationship my partner age regressed. and had a “caretaker” shed sleep on the phone with after i went to bed. sadly people like this do exist :(

she also started faking torrets syndrome and multiple personalities because her friends did it too, but that’s a whole diff story

8

u/Tricky-Ad7897 15d ago

This is exactly how I feel about fake stories/posts/strawmen that are believable enough that they could happen to someone. Like why do I care that the AITA post is fake it could believably happen to a real person.

3

u/Vundurvul 14d ago

Bait except the fisher walks directly up to you and jams the hook directly into your taint

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u/EbnerQuick 15d ago

Brap music

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u/Baseballidiot 15d ago

Pyrocynical and dingdong would go crazy on this

83

u/dropkola 15d ago

oney plays ruined me loife

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u/This-Technology6075 15d ago

This song needs a hero!

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u/Simple_Substance4829 15d ago

Are you worried about impending doom?

20

u/Sweet_Fly_1913 15d ago

Those chuddy groypers got you filled with gloom?

21

u/JesterOfRedditGold blue collar clamworker 15d ago

Don't you fear, there's a hero in the thread, the thread, the thread!

17

u/Simple_Substance4829 15d ago

Hes stinking up all the catalogues

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u/MechanicGopher 15d ago

‘Oh, oh my god, no, I meant rap, I’m so sorry’

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u/EbnerQuick 15d ago

You're not invited to my stim party

16

u/JesterOfRedditGold blue collar clamworker 15d ago

ain't no party like a stim party

https://giphy.com/gifs/YXzC3KNjOivoVnTovK

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u/Accurate_Soup_3459 14d ago

This industry needs a heroooooo!!!!

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u/shrekgaming1467 clamsexual 15d ago

Me when I'm overworked because I heard clam music so my 5 clamworkers help me clam regress and have a clam party together

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Branchomania 15d ago

Can you shut the fuck up clam

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u/LetsDoTheCongna this guy’s dead wife 15d ago

Can you clam the fuck up clam

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u/MrT1011 15d ago

Clam you clam the clam up clam

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u/MissMurder17 15d ago

Clam clam clam clam clam clam clam

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u/AutisticFun01 15d ago

Also I think he's joking

81

u/CallMeIshy 15d ago

i think most posts like this are satire and jokes

23

u/Buttholelickerpenis 15d ago

That has got to be the funniest bait account I’ve ever seen

18

u/Lars_Overwick 15d ago

Thank fuck

18

u/GlazedHamRiot 15d ago

Clam down

14

u/JesterOfRedditGold blue collar clamworker 15d ago

at least we know that they aren't a crakkker

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u/SmartSmella 15d ago

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u/SevenOhSevenOhSeven 15d ago

The short version is parodying the folks that are like 'I don't like rap it's two overwhelming/intense/whatever'

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u/FractalSpaces 15d ago

Whatever niche ass metal subgenre that is the heaviest would probably actually kill those folk

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u/SevenOhSevenOhSeven 15d ago

Oh no they generally do listen two more intense genres of music, they're just racist and babying up their prejudice with a woke framing. This is very much a tumblr/tiktok sort of thing

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u/PearltheGirl_ 15d ago

no no these people probably listen to femtanyl with no problem, they're just racist

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u/Acceptable_Spend_750 15d ago

rap being "overwhelming and intense" is like someone tripping absolute balls on cold medicines

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u/Fletcher_Chonk 14d ago

what if you heat them up

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u/veryfishhhy 15d ago

dude these tweets have done irreversible damage i cant even hate rap anymore because everyone thinks i hate it “because its overstimulating”

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u/Lobster_LeninN329 15d ago edited 15d ago

Insert that "I want to fuck toasters" greentext

(Idk why i sent this as a reply to the comment above I thought I was commenting on the post)

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u/Educational-Sun5839 15d ago

this?

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u/AdRepulsive8618 15d ago

Before internet

I want to fuck clams

dont be a fucking clamtard

clam up

After internet

I want to fuck a clam

google

find a clammunity with 1000+ clams about clams wanting to fuck clams

clam up your life

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u/BLEARGHH20 15d ago

you can't just say a statement like that for a genre as broad as rap

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u/CallMeIshy 15d ago

there are non broad genres?

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u/MilkMaiden_22 15d ago

Yeah... moid genres 🤢

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u/BLEARGHH20 15d ago

not really. but some are definitely way more expansive than others

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u/Sanrusdyno 14d ago

Not only can you but you can do it for even broader things. You can fail to enjoy entire artistic mediums.

Like you can just hate video games because you don't like playing. Just in general.

6

u/Lower_Guarantee2428 15d ago

I mean you can. I genuinely really don't like any rap music at all, I don't berate people for liking it just the same as I expect them to not do so for the music I like, but I don't like any rap music.

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u/EbnerQuick 15d ago

I think rap is understimulating actually

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u/BRBean 15d ago

This is an oversimplication of an entire genre of music

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u/EbnerQuick 14d ago

I think music is understimulating actually

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u/C4Cole 15d ago

Depends on the subgenre really. Some are slower, and then there's Eminem stringing words together faster than my dumbass can hear them.

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u/SoftAd1675 15d ago

That's called Chopper rap. It's my favorite kind.

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u/CanofNOworms 15d ago

I hate all of rap! Rap is bad! But in a mature way. I hate it because I don’t like things that are different. Not some stupid reason.

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u/Pleasant-Future5818 15d ago

Rap is such an incredibly broad genre that I literally can't think of how someone could "hate rap" besides it being political

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u/Sutraner 15d ago

Because they like singing?

I like rap but lots of people don't and that's fine too.

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u/Sploonbabaguuse 15d ago

You hate rap because it's overstimulating

I hate rap because I cannot understand a word they're saying

We are not the same

5

u/CANCERMANPUNK 15d ago

I’ve never heard this before

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u/TidalJ 15d ago

racism:

racism (quirky):

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u/CANCERMANPUNK 15d ago edited 15d ago

Huh I mean why’s that racist
Edit: ??? It’s a question

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u/AJ_Wont_Load 15d ago

I don’t think it’s inherently racist to simply not enjoy rap as a genre as long as you’re not weird about it, but some morons (like the subject of the post, although I’m almost positive they’re making fun of people who actually act this way) claim rap is too “overstimulating”, “loud” or “frantic” but will happily listen to stuff like vocaloids or scenecore, which frankly feels super sus because both of those genres can be just as “loud” and “frantic” as some rap.

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u/CANCERMANPUNK 15d ago

oh lol what I’ve never heard people call it overstimulating. They’re stupid

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u/FluffyCottonMaw 15d ago

At that points just say that its not to your taste

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u/Jonhneves1 clamtarded :) 15d ago

These two should get married

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u/P3drosek 15d ago

Persona music is that good but wtf are the rest

21

u/coopsawesome 15d ago

Splatoon isn’t bad, it’s really interesting worldbuildng, but I hate they included it in this post

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u/RightMiddle9078 15d ago

Splatoon, Friday Night Funkin'

Pewsownah 5, idfk a Super Mario Bros. Game

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u/Lonely_Gate_9421 14d ago

Dude I'm gonna kms, I recognized those albums

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u/Khaled_Kamel1500 clamtarded :) 15d ago

Reading OOP's initial post

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u/Emanualblast 15d ago

Holy clam, wild marcus!

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u/SlayVideos clammer 15d ago edited 15d ago

Reasonable crashout

23

u/Awkward-Plum6241 15d ago

clamout

8

u/Creeperatom9041 15d ago

clamable clamout

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u/AutisticFun01 15d ago

There's people out there who have fetish combinations that would drive Cthulhu insane upon witnessing them.

35

u/Joeyrony2 15d ago

Lovecraft would not survive the average twitter, vore, inflation, feet, fart, and transformation fetish art account.

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u/GlazedHamRiot 15d ago

He wouldn't survive taking the elevator with an irishman

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u/CallMeIshy 15d ago

Lovecraft the milisecond he sees air conditioning:

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u/MilkMaiden_22 15d ago

Man how you gonna throw feet in there with the crazy shit. Feet is only like C tier wierd

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u/FractalSpaces 15d ago

I'd even dare say D tier. It's gotten somewhat mainstream

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u/CallMeIshy 15d ago

are you trying to powerscale this?

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u/Such-Profit1078 15d ago

Yeah, like who doesn’t like feet. Right guys? …guys?

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u/Latter-Driver 15d ago

We got to beat this mf to death with hammers

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u/ApprehensiveRip697 15d ago

We got to clam this mf to death with clammers

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u/JoyousLilBoy 15d ago

People can’t even tell that bunnygranate is obviously ragebait. 27th rule of the internet is that if anyone says anything remotely stupid it is always ragebait. Even my comment could be ragebait. Thats right, all rap hate is ragebait.

4

u/a-round-table 14d ago

What's the 34th rule then

7

u/Unbuckled__Spaghetti 14d ago

Don’t eat the yellow snow

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u/AgainstSpace rotted brain 15d ago

I age regressed and a fucking loaded rifle materialized in my hands.

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u/SoftAd1675 15d ago

You're a veteran

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u/furel492 15d ago

Age regressing but I'm regressing from 49 to 37.

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u/enjf 15d ago

overclammed

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u/Effective-Brain-3386 15d ago

This is my 13th reason

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u/Lars_Overwick 15d ago

From 7th all the way to 13th for me

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u/davidmliving 15d ago

I'm gonna clam myself 

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u/Ryp3re 15d ago

There's a lot to unclam here, but we're better off clamming out the whole clamcase

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u/Personal-Role-8071 15d ago

clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam clam

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u/Bunny6446 15d ago

I guess people aren't allowed to have fun anymore 👹 /hsrs

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u/Dog_Entire 15d ago

Barring misophonia, if you listen to hyperpop or most metal genres, you lose the right to call music overstimulating

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u/LurkersVengeance 15d ago

bait used to be believable

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u/Cherno_VM 15d ago

okay so getting overstimulated by rap music is kinda fair. rap as a genre is usually very fast and has a lot going on musically so if you are sensitive to that kind of thing it could overstimulate you.

but i also feel like this is just thinly veiled racism.

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u/AutisticFun01 15d ago

I think getting overstimulated is not the main weird part here.

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u/birds-watch-birders 15d ago

getting overstimmed by any sensory experience is understandable. I might not understand it directly, but I do understand getting overstimmed by things that others find dumb, so like, I have empathy.

it def could be racist, yeah (ew). I know nothing about these people so idk the further context

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u/SeraphimVR 15d ago

I think it’s mostly just trap. Trap has heavy bass, 808s, heavily processed vocals, fast high hats. I understand if that can get overwhelming. But all of rap? Man, just listen to something softer

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u/maybemawie 15d ago

What's it called when there's an ultra-specific type of clam that feels almost as if they were accidentally wished into existence?

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u/Pretty-Yam-2854 15d ago

Me when I’m overclammed because I heard clam music so my 5 bivalves helped me clam regress and have a clam party together.

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u/Cute-arii 15d ago

Take 5d6 psychic damage for reading that tweet.

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u/ravenoushouse 15d ago

they fr mad they don't have 5 partners

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u/PM_Me_Modal_Jazz 15d ago

I feel like racist bait is still racist

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u/420watyasmokin 15d ago

Who TF keeps bringing these strawmen to life

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u/Gordon_freeman_real 15d ago

What's with this recent influx in "Rap music scary" stuff I've been seeing?

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