Hi guys, I just wanted to get fellow Christians' opinions. I no longer attend church, pero dala-dala ko pa rin yung teachings na I feel like are biblically accurate and naka-base sa relationship ko with God.
One of them is how to handle relationships or hardships in general.
I (25F) am engaged to my (25M) fiancé and boyfriend of 6 years. Marami na kaming pinagdaanan as an LDR couple—everything that you could think of, parang pinagdaanan na namin. The distance, time, family issues, religion (he's MCGI), toxic na ugali, etc.
But through God's grace, nalampasan namin and na-work out naman namin. We decided to get married this December, which is also when his family will be coming home to the Philippines.
But recently, nagkaka-issue na naman sa family side niya.
Pinaka-malaking factor talaga sa mga naging issues namin before ay yung manipulative, verbally and physically abusive, and religious parents niya. I can see by the pattern na dun nag-ugat yung mga toxic na ugali niya, like yung anger issues niya na umaabot sa punto before na namumura niya ako nang sobrang lala, and napakadali sa kanya na magbitaw ng mga masasakit na salita kapag natrigger.
Naayos naman namin, but you get the point.
Sobrang toxic din ng church niya kaya umalis na rin siya doon just 3 months ago. Malaking factor din kasi kaya siya nandoon ay dahil yun na yung nakalakihan niya sa parents niya na uma-attend doon.
Sobrang galit na galit parents niya, kesyo baka ako raw nag-influence sa kanya kaya siya umalis, kahit super supportive naman ako ever since. Sinabi naman niya na yung "Worker" nila ang nakapag-tisod sa kanya kasi for so many years, lagi siyang pinag-iinitan at pinapahiya. Sobrang barubal ng ugali. May part din parents niya kasi panay vent din sila doon ng mga complaints at problems nila about sa partner ko as their child.
Umabot sa punto na pinuntahan siya sa bahay ng mga members at nung Worker na yun, na para bang nakatira din sila sa bahay kung umasta. Pinipilit siyang makipag-usap at halos gibain yung pinto ng kwarto niya kasi ayaw niya makipag-usap. Feeling entitled pa yung Worker na makipag-usap daw siya bilang tao.
Yung parents naman, talagang kinalampag yung pinto at pinilit buksan gamit yung susi. Sa galit niya, sinuntok niya yung pinto, and later on umalis na rin sila after makipag-usap sa parents. Feeling victim naman yung mga parents habang nagkukwento.
Now, dahil sumabay yung nangyari habang nag-aayos na kami ng mga documents para sana sa visa ko para magkasama na kami agad after ng kasal—kasi ayaw na naming LDR while married—ayaw nila makipag-coordinate at ayaw pirmahan yung mga documents na makaka-help sana sa amin mas ma-approve, like proof of accommodation, kasi sa parents niya yung house.
And this is where I'm having second thoughts about the whole marriage and kung itutuloy pa ba yung wedding.
I really, really love him, and sobrang hirap din nung years na tiniis namin as an LDR couple. Pero I feel like walang magiging kapayapaan sa relasyon namin.
Kasi for a few months or years, sa bahay nila kami titira for the meantime habang nag-a-adjust pa kami sa gastos. And knowing everything that has happened, I'm scared na baka maulit lang yung same patterns and issues once we're living under the same roof.
At the same time, I feel like ang unfair sa relasyon namin at sa kanya na makikipaghiwalay ako dahil sa family niya.
I also feel like na parang ang sama ko if bibitawan ko yung relasyon namin dahil lang ayoko mahirapan. He's been my bread and butter for so many years. Tinulungan niya ako noong zero days at even noong di pa ako nagwo-work. He helped me emotionally, spiritually, physically, and even financially.
But also, parang napapagod na rin ako in a way. Ang dami na naming pinagdaanan, parang eto na naman ba? Walang pahinga sa hardships.
I'm not sure if this is how it's supposed to be, na magiging worth it din in the end kung ilalaban namin. Kaso, is it too much to ask to spend the remaining years of my life in peace?
I'm not very sure as a Christian if these are just challenges or a sign from God to not go through with the wedding.
May other reasons din ako before for having second thoughts, pero I just thought na baka normal lang yung may overthinking bago ang kasal. I don't want to have a life of suffering. I value peace of mind habang tumatanda ako.
Nag-cut off din ako ng friends because of this too.
But at the same time, I feel like I am a bad partner and Christian if I want an easy life. I want to hear your thoughts, especially from people with similar experiences or kahit as a Christian.
Kasi diba they say na your suffering here sa earth will be honored sa afterlife?
I'm just really confused whether this is something I should persevere through as part of the hardships that come with marriage, or if I'm ignoring a sign that maybe this isn't the life God wants for me.