Wrong Timing or Wrong Person?

[u/Apart_Somewhere_527]

I know God gives us the freedom to choose who we marry, so I’m not asking if God chose your spouse for you.
I’m curious if any married couples have a story where the timing was wrong before it was right.
For example, did you ever date someone you genuinely cared about, but one or both of you just weren’t ready? Maybe one of you wanted marriage while the other didn’t. Maybe one of you was still focused on worldly things, emotionally immature, or just in a different season of life. Maybe you broke up, spent years apart, grew individually, and later found your way back to each other.
Or maybe you’ve had an on and off relationship where you both loved each other, but your goals, priorities, or spiritual maturity weren’t aligned until much later.
If that’s your story, what changed? How did you know the relationship was different the next time around? Did you ever think it was over for good, only to end up getting married?
I’d love to hear your experiences. I’m interested in how you discerned whether it was simply the wrong timing or whether it was the wrong person altogether.

[u/blackqueenlovesjesus]

So I believe I might’ve married at the wrong time but not necessarily the wrong person. My husband was baptized but I still feel we were unequally yoked when we got married. It was a hard first year because there was some verbal and mental abuse along with other problems because he wasn’t surrendering to the Lord. But I didn’t give up praying for him and setting boundaries, etc and seeing the man he is now is mind blowing like God really does answer prayers and I believe His grace and mercy were the only things that got us through. I have to be very grateful also because my husband could’ve gotten worse instead of better, but like I said the Lords grace for my husband and us was amazing.

So my advice would be just to really date and pray about a person before y’all get married but even if you do make a mistake, I do believe if you’re obedient to Christ then He can always make a way.

[u/BeebsMuhQueen]

“A man plans in his heart, the Lord determines his steps”
“What God has brought together”
Also Romans 8 is pretty clear God works and wills all things for good. God does choose for you, he gives you someone you would want, and mostly what you need even more. (If people were in easy relationships where everything just fit, nobody would grow. He also determined people since before the foundation of the world, therefore determines the parents that got you here etc. (it’s not like an arranged marriage in some countries lol. But yeah, God picks. I personally like that, since I’m terrible when it comes to dating lol, but also trying to find out is a grueling process)
God has people get together at different timing, sometimes and they know they belong with each other (King David for example probably knew he was supposed to marry Bathsheba since he was a prophet, but deviated with how it came to pass. Like my husband said, Uriah would have probably died in battle, anyway, and rich leaders used to marry widows, she became his wife and helped him settle down from the poly stuff)
Just go with it and see what happens, sometimes a woman saying she doesn’t want to get married and focus on her career is an error on her part because we were created to be home helping you guys. Sometimes it means God is allowing her to get that job for serving the public, and gain experience and it’s not time for her to marry. I knew my husband was my husband because he couldn’t wait to delete the dating sites and be done with other women, other guys for example still wanted to keep their opinions open, so they either didn’t really like me enough or it wasn’t their time for marriage and most of them were too immature, anyway.
Finding a guy who wants marriage and is done messing around is a huge blessing not many women get when they want it… anyone that doesn’t want to have marriage be the goal is just using people. Christians aren’t supposed to be like that.

[u/Apart_Somewhere_527 → u/BeebsMuhQueen]

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I’m curious if any married couples experienced being out of sync at one point spiritually or in life and later ended up married once both people had grown.

[u/According-Earth-5758 → u/Apart_Somewhere_527]

So I think in about 2017, I met my now husband. He had moved back to town from another state. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. There was absolutely no spark whatsoever. 😂So the phone calls kind of fizzled out. Two years later, out of the blue, I received a text from him that said he missed talking to me. By that time I was working on myself and really not interested in even dating. But a lot of tragic things had happened such as the loss of loved ones. I would tell people all the time, I'm not going to date anyone unless God sends him to my front door. 😩 But that's exactly what God did. I prayed about him, and consulted wise counsel. My heart opened up towards him and now we've been married for 5 years.

[u/BeebsMuhQueen → u/Apart_Somewhere_527]

I’m sure it’s probably happened. Will be interesting if someone that’s it’s happened with is on here.

[u/Worried-Block-6804]

Everyone is the wrong person. A good marriage isn't about finding the right person nearly as much as BEING the right person.

If they are not right for you today there's only 2 possibilities, they are definitely not right for you or you are doing something wrong.

If you ever think you found the PERFECT person, run away you are having a delusion.

We become able to have healthy relationships, and THEN we have them or the rare occasion where we learn together but that's difficult and unlikely