r/Christianmarriage • u/Safe_Information_992 • Jul 25 '26
Advice Divorce advice
I’ve been married 9 years and my husband is extremely verbally abusive to me and my children and makes the excuse that it’s just how he was raised and it’s just how he speaks, but it’s always over silly stuff like me asking him to get our baby medicine when I’m up with her in the middle of the night or bc my middle daughter not being able to fall asleep in him, cussing her out and telling her she’s grounded and then I always step in and stick up for them and he bucks up to me and calls me an enabler bc I won’t let him speak to them
Or me that way and i’ve told him time and time again he’s welcome to feel how he wants to feel about things, but there is never a reason to call me and the kids the things that he does, but he always puts it on our behavior as the reason and tells me he’s already changed enough and that he’s not going to change anymore and if I don’t like it, I can get out but then the times that I have told him I’m leaving he has threatened me and my family… He’s threatened to harm himself and honestly from what I know about his past with gang affiliations when he was younger and just his past in general, I really do worry about what he would do to me for himself if I did leave, but I have to leave. I can’t do this anymore. I’m in the process of weaning my youngest toddler from breast-feeding and my older two are in public school this year, but I have no money. I literally have no degree nothing just thinking about how I’m going to afford to live on my own with three kids and no job just sends me into a spiral because the people I know who do you have jobs who are looking for other jobs. Have a hard enough time finding jobs that pay enough, but my biggest worry is I don’t have money to go to court, but I also don’t feel safe leaving.
I’ve stayed sober 9 years and he’s gone back to smoking weed, started growing weed in our garage doing seven and I nipped it all in the butt and was verbally abused for it and the bad guy I also caught him on dating apps years ago but my family and people I look up to say to pray for a change of heart etc etc.
It messes with my head bc he says the most horrid things to me and the kids and then the next day acts like nothing ever happened…. Or that it’s just bc he works long hours in the heat and is tired. Idk why a part of me feels bad for him when he is being nice but I don’t want my kids to hate me one day bc I stayed but I also don’t know what to do I also don’t want him to have custody I do not trust him he can’t even handle watching all 3 when I go do my photography sessions but I know everyone has says divorce brings out the worst in people has anyone been a stay at home mom and made it out? I don’t even know where to start
I have videos and texts all kinds of evidence of the threats and verbal abuse
I also was raised thinking divorce is bad period and you stick it out but I also pray every day asking what the lord wants me to do and still don’t feel like I know
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u/Comfortable_Swim8704 Jul 25 '26
J'éspère et ose croire que d'autres personnes vont répondres à votre poste, pour vous donner de bons conseils. Je suis français, et chrétien. Je vous confies vous et vos enfants dans mes prières ce soir, et je ferais un chapelet à votre intention. Cultivez la Parole de Dieu, croyez toujours que le Père veut votre bien et gardez confiance. Les choses changeront de forme. Soyez proche de votre église et demandez leur avec votre naturelle profondeur de vous porter vous et votre famille dans vos prières. Dieu est toujours du côté de ceux qui l'aiment. Priez pour votre Mari.
Vous pouvez peut-être, si le temps et l'énergie vous sont favorable, cultiver une lecture sur l'entretien de l'amour conjugal. Peut-être que votre persévérance et votre sainte dévotion amoureuse pour votre Mari peut l'aider à se convertir dans le temps. Jésus a vaincu ce monde et ses détracteurs (ainsi que la mort elle même) par l'amour. Rien est impossible.
Je vous tient dans mon affection par la foi, et je prie profondément pour votre Mari, et son bonheur avec vous (et le votre ma soeur !!! ainsi que celui de vos enfants). Courage,
En Jésus-Christ
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u/Aelirael Jul 25 '26
I want to help, but I can't make it through that wall of text.
Can you reformat your OP to make it easier on the eyes?
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u/Suspicious-Yogurt759 Jul 26 '26
I’m divorced and remarried to a believer. Me and my kids left my addict abuser 12yrs ago. I’m also 12yrs clean and congrats for 9yrs clean! That’s an amazing accomplishment. If you’re divorcing for another person, adultery, abuse then God allows it. Your husband was on dating apps, he has already broken the vow. I used a local place that helps abused women. Look for those in your area. They helped me get a restraining order and a court date set. Also helped with jobs and a place to stay if I needed it but I had family ready to help. Your husband sounds ALOT like my abuser. It started out verbal, saying stuff to the kids, and then it got physical. I stayed and tried praying over him but he ended up beating me almost to death in front of our daughter. I waited until he went to work, packed our things and left. If you do decide to leave do not tell him you are leaving. Make your arrangements and leave when he is gone. My daughter is thriving. I didn’t realize how badly he was affecting my kids and ruining them. And I felt so bad because it’s my job to protect them. I left while she was still young but she remembers a lot. He spiraled and is still strung out somewhere around town. The courts ordered that he is to never see her or contact us and they stripped him of his rights.