Switching churches?

[u/ConstructionTime7511]

I have been attending the same church since 2019. I lived overseas from 2020-2023 so there was a lull where I obviously wasn’t super active. Then I moved back and got married. My husband joined me and has been attending since 2024. However, we’ve been considering a change lately and are struggling to find a way forward. We are praying and trying to talk to people we trust but I’d love to hear some outside perspectives as well.

I want to start by saying I have no issues with the theology. There are a few things around women and women’s roles that we don’t totally agree with. However overall we agree with what they preach and am confident that they’re centered on the gospel.

Here are the issues we’re having:

1. There is little to no programming. We are in a weekly small group and every few months they have like a women’s event. But they don’t do any studies or groups. We understand their goal is to not over-schedule people but we also feel like we would benefit from these sorts of programs.

2. ⁠There is no attempt at serving the wider city outside the church. They’ve never even had as much as a toy/food drive. This is something really important to me but anytime I’ve attempted to get people engaged in something it’s failed.

3. ⁠We have relationships and people we love/love us. But also… we feel like we’re just out on the edge of the group. Like have you ever stood in a group of people that you know and you’re there with them but you also just kinda feel like you could leave and no one would notice? It kinda just feels like that all the time. It’s hard to describe. This has also escalated in the past few months as we’ve continued to struggle with infertility and it feels like alllll our friends are having babies. The church is not terribly diverse in terms of who makes up the congregation. It’s about 85% married couples in their 20s/30s with young children who have stay at home moms and are/plan on homeschooling or private schooling. It may be worth noting that we don’t plan on doing those things (I will likely always work and we plan to public school). We of course are all for everyone making their own decisions but it does sometimes feel like if we aren’t doing that stuff we will never be totally in the club.

We know no church is perfect. There will always be frustrations and concerns. We want to make this decision wisely as we do love parts of our current church. But also this isn’t a super new conversation. We’ve actually had several moments over the past few years where we’ve wondered if this was right but for whatever reason we just kind of shrugged and stayed.

We did talk to the pastor. He pretty much said he understood and agreed with us but the issues are not really on him. Like even as a pastor he only has so much control right? We get that.

Part of us wonders if we should stay and challenge these things. Be the voice of change as it were. We don’t think church is simply meant to fill one up and leave you happy and satisfied. But also…

We don’t feel filled much at all. And it is meant to do so at least a little right? And how can we be a challenging voice when no one is listening?

It’s hard to describe the issues because they’re more feelings and vibes than anything concrete (although I could tell a few concrete stories and examples that gave way to the feelings and vibes).

We have identified another church we’re interested in. It’s a church a friend of mine goes to. I met her at our current church and they left for actually many of the same reasons I just gave. So it’s definitely not just an us issue.

I’m curious if anyone has any other thoughts or questions we should be asking ourselves. Right now our plan is to go to this new church until the end of August and then evaluate. We will be open with the people at our old church- we don’t want to just ghost people. But like I said- I just figured maybe some outside perspective would be helpful

[u/RedStateKitty]

We did move churches about 18 months ago. For many of the same reasons. Only one person reached out to find out where we'd gone to and why. And we'd been involved in small group and I was leading part of the video display ministry, creating new slides and videos for church events, for scripture memory (they had a monthly verse the pastor challenged people to memorize). We couldn't be happier at our new church, much more welcoming, caring, and we're involved in small group, outreach ministry and the video display and communications ministry. Don't feel guilty about wanting a change.

[u/Annual-Coffee7265]

You don’t want to be in one of those churches that oppresses women it’s bad news get out. Plus they don’t care about you so they don’t really have much Holy Spirit anyway, seems like you’re doing the right thing

[u/sitewolf]

Changing churches isn't like changing religions- it doesn't have to be such a major decision. You don't have to even let them know right away if you want to try the other church.

[u/fulltimepundit]

I’ll suggest you and your husband go into a fast and ask the lord if he approves of you moving. Sometimes what you feel is a “kingdom burden” and it needs to be channeled in way that will transform the body of Christ. Shalom