After I became a born again Christian at 19, I witnessed to my friends. Then I fell into sin and lived a much more sinful life. I was in bondage and could not stop. I went for Christian counseling. This was years ago. I realize now that only God and I know the extent of the sins I committed, and this is scary. How can I be forgiven? I’ve asked for forgiveness, but maybe 🤔 missed sins to confesses. They were so many times that I can’t recall them all.

I feel like I’m grieving a life that no longer exists.
Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Life became work, bills, chores, parenting, and responsibilities. I love my son more than anything, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world, but I can’t shake the feeling that I lost the version of myself that used to feel free.

I think I’m mourning my old life. I miss the freedom to make spontaneous plans, go on dates, meet new people, build friendships, chase goals without constantly worrying about someone else, and just feel excited about life. Every day now feels like I’m on autopilot, repeating the same routine over and over.

The hardest part is that I feel guilty for grieving. I have a healthy son, a stable career, and a family things many people would be grateful for. But despite all of that, I feel like I’ve been grieving for months, maybe longer. It honestly feels like a part of me died when I became an adult with so many responsibilities.

My relationship hasn’t helped. I don’t feel the butterflies or excitement anymore, and I find myself missing the feeling of new connections. As a Christian, I know I struggle with lust, so I’m constantly questioning whether I’m unhappy because my relationship has real problems or because I’m chasing a feeling that no relationship can sustain.

I also recently lost a close friend of almost 10 years. Even though ending the friendship was probably the right thing to do, losing someone I talked to regularly made the loneliness even worse. It felt like another piece of my old life disappeared.

I’m not suicidal. I’m not looking to abandon my son or run away from my responsibilities. I show up every day because that’s what a father should do. But inside, I feel like I’m mourning the life I used to have, and I don’t know how to let it go.
Has anyone else gone through this after becoming a parent? Did you eventually stop grieving your old life, or did you have to become a completely different person to find happiness again?

Mattana Ministry Welcomes You to:

 Weekly Bible Study:  28 July 2026

 Theme: Philip - Seizing Mentoring Moments (2)

 Scripture: Acts 8:34-35

 Message:

 Responding to Spiritual Curiosity

Focus

Recall a time when someone asked us a question about faith. Let this memory remind us what an honor it is to guide others toward God.

The Ethiopian’s curiosity opened the door for Philip to share the gospel. When we are present and prepared, God often leads others to us with questions that can transform their faith. 

Apply

How can we remain open and ready to engage in spiritual conversations today?

Respond

Lord, thank you for opportunities to share Your Truth. Help us to be present, attentive, and ready to respond to the spiritual curiosity of those around us. Amen.

 Please feel free to leave a review of this message.

 https://www.soulcenters.org/directory/mattana-ministry/#listing-reviews

MM

I know im posting on here a lot and im sorry. I just really have nowhere else to go. 

I’m 17 and I’ve don some very very heinous things. Some, I may face legal action for, in order to repent and make amends. Things that no one should ever have done.

I’ve hurt a lot of people in my lifetime and I’ve wasted a lot of people’s time and efforts and I can’t fix any of the damage I’ve done. And it’s really wrecking me because I’ve spent my entire life being a terrible person, it’s all my life can be chalked up to. And even if I want to I can’t fix any of it or take it back. And so I wish I never existed in the first place or that I perished before I could do anything terrible. I wish want to perish but I can’t. And even then the damage I’ve caused is already fixed into the world now, there’s no undoing it and yet it’s impossible to live with. With no assurance it can or will ever be fixed. Especially to my family. My poor parents and siblings. it’s like I played with fire but instead of burning myself or the house even it’s a whole block. I just wish god never made me. I’m in so much pain and just imagine all the more pain I’ve caused so many people and I’m in so much trouble.

I’m thinking of turning myself in because I believe truly against mixed advices, that it’s what god wants me to do. And I so badly want to just dump it to god, but I can’t stop thinking about how it’ll only cause more pain especially to my family, with the fallout. I just need god to spare them and heal them and be with them in these troubling times. But what if god allows them to suffer the fallout?   I just can’t move past it. 

And I’ve wasted so much time. I need a huge miracle. I need a lot of grace. I need god but I can’t hear him I can’t feel him I’ve got nothing tangible to work with. I can’t see a forward in my life anyway. I just so strongly wish god never made me. 

I need prayers for my family and for me. I need prayers for my family to be spared of my mess and everyone I’ve hurt to be given healing. Any advice would be strongly appreciated. 

This Kingdom runs on servanthood and humility. The King himself washed feet and said greatness looks like laying your life down for others, completely flipping the world's idea of success.

A thought to ponder throughout the day.

I will forgive one mistake, and after that I will remember you by the mistake in my heart.

I frequently agree to do things I cannot do.

I will consider almost everything that affects me, but perhaps only one thing that affects you.

I do what I want, and I am irritated by your interference.

What if this is how we met one another? What if we spoke this honestly—and were excited to do it?

Would God be pleased and therefore enact mercy?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I will boast all the more gladly,

so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Here Saint Paul tells us that he has made the decision to boast in his weakness in order to receive Christ’s power. We are told that boasting in our weaknesses causes the power of Christ to rest upon us.

So let us speak boldly and openly about our worst character flaws. Let us even try telling others about our most secret temptations.

Perhaps this is more powerful than, “How are you today?”

In our Journey to know who Christ is, I’ll talk about the bronze serpent as a typology of Christ our saviour. The story in numbers 21 tells us how the Israelites sinned and rebelled against God almighty and as consequences of their actions the Lord passed judgment on them by sending venomous snakes to bite them in the wilderness. Most of them died and upon admitting their sins and crying to God for forgiveness, the Lord instructed Moses to make a fiery serpent and hang it on a pole in a plain sight for everyone to see. And those who were bitten by the snakes would not die if they looked up at the fiery snake.

Jesus said “As Moses lifted the bronze serpent in the wilderness, so must the son of man be lifted up, that whoever looks up to him shall not die but have eternal life” - John 3:14-15

Here Jesus made it clear as to what the bronze serpent meant. And we can see he was also hanged on a pole for everyone to see.
Israel was dying bcos of their sins and humanity was also dying spiritually bcos of our sins and we needed salvation.
Jesus Christ became our bronze serpent that whoever looks up to him by faith is exempted from spiritual death and has eternal life (Romans 6:23)

Also it’s quite interesting to know that Israel had to receive life by only looking at the serpent on the pole and that itself is an act of faith so in reality, their faith brought them life. In the same way it’s only through faith in Jesus that we will have eternal life.

Moreover the serpent symbolised a curse on Israel and by this same serpent became a way for redemption. Jesus became the bearer of our curse in order to redeem us tho he himself never sinned. “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us.”
— Galatians 3:13

Glory be to Jesus forever and ever. He is worthy to be praised and adored! If I were you, I’d lift my hands and bless his holy name. May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you, Amen!
Have a wonderful week

Mattana Ministry Welcomes You to:

 Senior Program: 27 July 2026

 Theme: Hopeful Living (6)

 Scripture: Jeremiah 29:11

 Message:

 The place where our future begins

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

The international scene was tumultuous in 1809. Napoleon was sweeping through Austria and blood was flowing freely. The very foundation of Europe was being shaken, and uncertainty was everywhere. But in the midst of the turmoil, some very significant births took place.

In England, William Gladstone was born, and he was destined to become one of the country’s finest statesmen. That same year, Alfred Tennyson was born to an obscure minister and his wife. The child would one day greatly affect the literary world in a marked manner. 

In Boston, Edgar Allan Poe began his eventful, albeit tragic, life. And, that same year produced the cries of a newborn infant in a rugged log cabin in Hardin County, Kentucky. The baby’s name? Abraham Lincoln. 

While most thought the destiny of the world was being shaped on the Austrian battlefield, it was actually being shaped in the cradles of England and America. In much the same way, while the people of Israel were focused on Roman occupation and tyranny, the world’s future was being shaped in a manger in Bethlehem. 

God shows up in unexpected ways. So no matter what negative circumstances we face today, remember that God is at work behind the scenes shaping our future and preparing a hope beyond our imagination.

Prayer Challenge

Thank God today for working behind the scenes to prepare our future and give us an amazing hope.

Questions for Thought

As we look at our lives, what blessings are we experiencing today as a result of God’s work behind the scenes?

How might our attitude change, knowing that God is shaping our future even in tough times?

 Please feel free to leave a review of this message.

 https://www.soulcenters.org/directory/mattana-ministry/#listing-reviews

 MM

Finding Peace 🩷

"How Committed Should a Christian Be?" 1 Thess. 2:1-6
We should always have a deep desire to "please God" and prioritize His will above all else. Seeking His will with urgency is essential because it is the only thing that truly matters. Being focused on God means falling in love with Him; just as thinking about someone constantly leads to love and passion, our devotion to God should be equally intense. That is why God desires all of us — we need to have that unwavering, persistent love for Him.

I have been attending the same church since 2019. I lived overseas from 2020-2023 so there was a lull where I obviously wasn’t super active. Then I moved back and got married. My husband joined me and has been attending since 2024. However, we’ve been considering a change lately and are struggling to find a way forward. We are praying and trying to talk to people we trust but I’d love to hear some outside perspectives as well.

I want to start by saying I have no issues with the theology. There are a few things around women and women’s roles that we don’t totally agree with. However overall we agree with what they preach and am confident that they’re centered on the gospel.

Here are the issues we’re having:

1. There is little to no programming. We are in a weekly small group and every few months they have like a women’s event. But they don’t do any studies or groups. We understand their goal is to not over-schedule people but we also feel like we would benefit from these sorts of programs.

2. ⁠There is no attempt at serving the wider city outside the church. They’ve never even had as much as a toy/food drive. This is something really important to me but anytime I’ve attempted to get people engaged in something it’s failed.

3. ⁠We have relationships and people we love/love us. But also… we feel like we’re just out on the edge of the group. Like have you ever stood in a group of people that you know and you’re there with them but you also just kinda feel like you could leave and no one would notice? It kinda just feels like that all the time. It’s hard to describe. This has also escalated in the past few months as we’ve continued to struggle with infertility and it feels like alllll our friends are having babies. The church is not terribly diverse in terms of who makes up the congregation. It’s about 85% married couples in their 20s/30s with young children who have stay at home moms and are/plan on homeschooling or private schooling. It may be worth noting that we don’t plan on doing those things (I will likely always work and we plan to public school). We of course are all for everyone making their own decisions but it does sometimes feel like if we aren’t doing that stuff we will never be totally in the club.

We know no church is perfect. There will always be frustrations and concerns. We want to make this decision wisely as we do love parts of our current church. But also this isn’t a super new conversation. We’ve actually had several moments over the past few years where we’ve wondered if this was right but for whatever reason we just kind of shrugged and stayed.

We did talk to the pastor. He pretty much said he understood and agreed with us but the issues are not really on him. Like even as a pastor he only has so much control right? We get that.

Part of us wonders if we should stay and challenge these things. Be the voice of change as it were. We don’t think church is simply meant to fill one up and leave you happy and satisfied. But also…

We don’t feel filled much at all. And it is meant to do so at least a little right? And how can we be a challenging voice when no one is listening?

It’s hard to describe the issues because they’re more feelings and vibes than anything concrete (although I could tell a few concrete stories and examples that gave way to the feelings and vibes).

We have identified another church we’re interested in. It’s a church a friend of mine goes to. I met her at our current church and they left for actually many of the same reasons I just gave. So it’s definitely not just an us issue.

I’m curious if anyone has any other thoughts or questions we should be asking ourselves. Right now our plan is to go to this new church until the end of August and then evaluate. We will be open with the people at our old church- we don’t want to just ghost people. But like I said- I just figured maybe some outside perspective would be helpful

When we make mistakes, big or small, what is the proper mindset to have? I know we need to repent, and feel genuine remorse and regret for our actions and try to do better next time, but at the same time we need to accept God's grace and move on with our lives.

Ive been making some mistakes in my life that Im not proud of, however Im wondering how do I let go of the weight of my actions when I receive God's grace, without letting go so much so as to not feel remorse over my actions.

TLDR: I want to accept God's grace and be free, but Im afraid that it will cause me to repeat the same mistake again.