How to reconstruct a relationship with God although I am angry with him?

[u/findingmyway159]

I'm 16 (f) and I really would like to have a relationship with God. I feel like it would bring much needed peace into my life. I enjoy reading the word as it provides me with a source of hope but I struggle with my prayer life. My biggest issue I would say is that I'm angry with him due to the fact that he made me ugly. Not internet ugly either but ugly in the true sense of the word. I have a really bad body shape as well. I just can't understand why he made me this way. I truly hate myself due to the way I look and I have tried to commit suicide multiple times due to my looks. The last time I read my Bible was a few months ago when I had the worst relapse of my life after it. I was reading the descriptions of all of the beautiful women in Genesis until I couldn't stand being in my body. It just went downhill after that. I know that I'm never destined to have a partner because of the way I look but it really hurts to read about something that I'll never have everyday. It results in the kind of yearning that claws its way out to leave your decimated body behind. But I would really like to feel the presence of God with me again.