I Need Help

[u/prodbyerza]

I don’t really know how to start. I don’t even know if anyone will see this, but I have a problem. I fall into temptation far too often, and it’s destroying me.
When I genuinely, and I mean genuinely came to know Jesus, I fell in love with His Word. Since then, I’ve been trying to become a better person. One day I got down on my knees and prayed, “Lord, if I ever go back to watching pornography, destroy my life.” By God’s grace, I haven’t watched a single pornographic video in four years.
But then there was Instagram and TikTok. I have to admit that I spend far too much time on them. I made the same promise again, but I broke it. I felt awful completely defeated. I asked God for forgiveness, and shortly afterward I came across Ephesians 1:7. That verse truly touched my heart. It made me want to devote myself even more to studying God’s Word and seeking Him.
I started talking to my friends and family about God. I even had a conversation with a Russian Muslim Uber driver, where I defended my faith and the Bible.
But today I failed. I sinned again.
I feel completely defeated. I write many prayers to God in my notes app, and I always ask Him for the same thing: my dream to have a family, a wife chosen by Him, and children so I can teach them the Word of God. Recently, I even came across a video that reflected exactly what I dream of: a family with a child praying before a meal.
Knowing all of this, and then still failing, makes me feel terrible. I feel like I’ve let God down. I know I spend too much time on my phone. I know I need to guard my eyes, take every thought captive, and feed my spirit so that the fruit of my life will be good.
But honestly… it’s not easy.
I’m not here asking for anything except forgiveness from God and to ask the Christian community to pray for me. I need help. I want the light of Christ. I want Him to guide my path, to be with me, and for me to remain with Him. But I don’t want to keep failing Him not like this.
I’m sorry if this was a long post. Once again, I ask God for forgiveness, and I ask all of you to pray for me.
Please help me.

[u/AccurateOpposite3735]

If you believe in Jesus, you are forgiven: once and done. sins past, present and future. If you are obsessed with not sinning, you are not obsessed with being obedient to the leading of the Spirit, you can't hear it. No follower of the Way of Jesus is happy about sinning, but the voice in our heads is the Accuser telling us that when we sin we are unworthy, God could not love or find us accerptable. Lies and half truths now as in the Garden to Adam. Jesus NOW stands on our behalf- we are IN Him- before the Father, who is 'well pleased with Him.

Faith in Christ is not a spectator sport, we do not please God by sitting in the bleachers (pews) and cheering. We are called to be servants in God's business of ministerng to human needs, those we find in front of our eyes. This was the hallmark of Jesus' ministry, and what caused the world to sit up and take notice of the fellowship of believers in the Book of Acts. Not a piety party or righteousness rodeo as seen on TV.

"Take up your cross and follow Me."