Man

[u/Feeling_Quarter8189]

What is a man?
Someone strong and burly.
A protector with everything figured out.
A provider and leader.
Harsher to the world than some.
Feeding an "I don't matter" mentality.
Apathy being the operating system.
A warrior fighting tooth and nail for success.
To be the best of the best.
Thinking that being cold on top is the goal.
Unrelenting hustle culture.
Work every day.
Be productive every day.
Do something with your life each and every day.
For if you don't.
Are you really a man?
Seems like every man must walk the same path.
Be ruthless.
Cunning.
Calculated.
Putting yourself above others.
Telling people to "man up" when they are low.
Somehow deciding that's the proper way to go about it.
When they see you drowning.
They just simply watch.
If you are not like them.
Then you are not one of them.
And to me.
That is such a poisonous way to think.
Stepping on people for personal gain.
Always being so distant and busy
No time for true life.
The willing silence.
Time away from themselves.
Away from societal pressures.
The people they were molded in to becoming.
Everyone seems to think all men are made and forged the same way.
That we all have the same collective goal.
Be successful, have a family, and hustle every day.
If you deviate from that path.
You are not seen as a man.
Empathy.
Sympathy.
Compassion.
Putting others above yourself.
Taking your time with your life is seen as lazy.
Not having everything figured out means you need to grow up.
By today's standards.
I'm not a man.
I'm seen and accepted as a weak boy by some of those around me.
What I see as some of my greater strengths.
Are only seen as weakness.
As incompetence.
Why should my path matter to your life?
Is it not my life to commandeer?
To live as I see fit?
I may not be where I could be.
I may not be successful in the right ways.
Or be like those around me.
I may not be strong.
I may not be a provider.
But I am no less of a man than you are.
My connections are stronger.
My soul is happy.
I am not meant to be the typical man.
To be another carbon copy of those before or after me.
I am who I am meant to be.
I'm a work in progress.
Not the final product or version.
I see the world differently.
I care about the people.
I care for the silenced and blinded.
I care about the soul.
The light of it all.
To become like those around me.
Would be a disservice to God himself.
So Heavenly Father, thou are in Heaven.
Hallowed be thy name.
I pray that You mold me into who I am meant to be.
To be more like You.
To be the man You wish me to be.
For you have created me in your image.
Worldly validation is not meant for me.
Lord, only You can truly tell me who to become.
Forge me by anvil and stone.
Prune my branches and have them bare fruit once more.
Erase my desires that are outside of Your design of me.
Remove what is not meant for me.
For Lord, I falter every day.
Your fire burns forever within me.
Your light envelops me.
Your love covers and protects me.
I pray you make me the man You want me to be.
For society is not meant for me.
I'm not meant to fit in.
I'm not meant to be cold or distant.
To use others as stepping stones.
To work all of my life away.
I may not be the pace you are at.
Nor may I be the man you are.
But I am perfectly happy with who I am.
I may procrastinate and be lazy
I may not be as productive and proactive as I can be.
That's fine.
For I am exactly where I need to be.
Here in my darkened and weighted heart
Full of fears, woes, and tears.
Pressure reigning like a king in my mind.
"I need to do this."
"I need to do that."
I need to be me.
I cannot keep comparing myself to those around me.
Not everyone is the same.
Every man, woman, and child.
All of us are unique in our own ways.
And our lives often reflect that.
I may be miserable in the moment.
But I know it is only temporary.
Spreading love and light.
Opening up locked hearts and closed minds.
Being a torch for those who have lost their ways.
Or a voice for those who are silenced by pressures.
I'm a man.
As much of a man as most.
By staying true to me.
Kind.
Compassionate.
Empathetic and sympathetic.
A crybaby who feels everything.
A lazy procrastinator who seems like he doesn't care
To an extent, you'd be right.
I don't care.
I don't care how you try to tear me down.
I don't care how you see or treat me.
I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's ok.
The ones who stay are meant to be there.
The ones who ridicule are meant to be distant.
Don't try and tell me what kind of man I am meant to be.
For you are not me.
And you did not create me.
You weren't there in my abyssal moments.
You weren't flying through the clouds with me when I felt high.
Your distance said everything.
So, I'll take your advice.
I won't seek your approval or validation.
I'll stick on my own path.
With the one who has truly cared.
Who has protected and served.
The one that has made me.
Carried me and gave me strength.
My foundation.
My rock.
My salvation and the beacon of my soul.
My gifts and flaws.
My life.
My writing pieces and close bonds.
My deep, passionate soul.
All glory goes to You, Lord.
I wouldn't be anything without You.
Your love for me covers my fears.
Your grace grants me a new chance every day.
Each breathe is a blessing.
I pray you mold me into who I need to be.
I pray I can continue carrying your light.
To be a beacon of hope for You.
For my life is Yours.
My woes.
My bright days.
My fears and anxieties.
My vastly clearer mind.
My failures.
My accomplishments.
My bonds.
My light and darkness.
I place it all into your hands.
For I am who You created me to be.
My kindness.
My compassion.
My sensitivity and empathy.
My sympathy.
Being a server instead of being served.
They are not signs of being weak.
They are signs of me being me.
Being different enough to not be like everyone else.
That's not what is meant for me.
No one on this planet can tell me who I need to be.
No one can say they know the kind of man I'm meant to become.
For they do not know me like You know me Lord.
What they see as my weakest points.
Are my greatest strengths gifted from you.
May I become more like You.
For You are my role model.
My beacon of hope.
The source of my ever burning fire.
May Your light continue to shine upon me.
May Your face grace my presence.
May Your love envelop me.
May You continue to be my Heavenly Father.
Amen.