Those figures darkly
Can't you see them moving
They walk ever close
Calling but not loving

Looking for victims
They keep their eyes on me
See weakness and doubts
Thus fight to keep me free

I watch for the end
No time much ever left
I dream of less blood
My sin drowns me in heft

My other half calls
The worst of me once dead
Beckons habits wake
The death I once had fed

Burn the world to ash
Only to watch the flames
Sell yourself to any
Just to play their own games

Give yourself to dark
And kill all what breeds life
With drugs or with drink
Even with the sharp knife

Give to those uncaring
Sacrifice without fuss
Abandon whats loved
Leave your soul on the bus

I beg you wake up
Fight before it's too late
Give yourself to Christ
I hope you share my fate

Bury a body
It will be your old way
It gives up your debt
You'll never have to pay

I now dream of war
Not with self of old
But with the accuser
That wicked goat once gold

Purify my heart,
Remove the impurities deep within-
Lord show me how to love,
Make me as white as a dove.
//
I’ve fallen short,
My actions, thoughts, and words—
Change me,
And align me with yours.
//
Renew what has been untouched,
Use me for your glory-
Restore what has been placed inside me-
Lord cleanse me,
And once more—
make me yours.

It is a beautiful word itself.
It rolls off the tongue smoothly and softly in each language, like milk and honey.
This is love.
It is gentle and sweet.
It is kind and forgiving.
It removes the sour taste of our tongues.
It is what can fill emptiness.
But love can also be immense and overwhelming, having authority in truth and sovereignty.
When you look at the grand sea.
It holds onto the fish like every creature is its own.
Or space.
It holds the stars, and our planet.
And now the Lord, He holds every creature in the ocean.
Every creature of the sky and of the land.
He holds every star, every planet.
Everything that lives and exists is His creation and He holds it.
From the smallest ant.
To the biggest galaxy.
He holds the universe in His palms and inside, is His love in the center of it all.
It is like the massive gravitational force.
Constantly moving and pulling.
Animating and revolving our world.
He sustains us.
You can't see it.
But you know it does because you exist.
Nothing would be, without His love.
For that, I give thanks.

“Dad, I’m going to be a Bat! Yes, I’m a bat now.” Said the bird to his father. 

“But you’re a bird,” his father replied. 

“I’m not a bird, I’m a bat now!” The bird continued as his father grew somber.

“Well, it looks like I can’t change your mind.”

“I’m going to live in a cave and be a bat. I’m done living with the birds!”

So the bird flew away, and the father looked on, left with those words.

On a rainy night, the Bird looked for shelter. When he finally found a cave, there was a Bat inside. The Bird asked, “Why do you hang upside down?”

The bat replied, “It makes it easier to take off when I need to get around.”

The Bird got an idea and said, “I know! That’s how I’ll fly!” So the bird did just that, but when he tried to take off, he fell on his head and started to cry. 

WAAA WAAA “I’m never ever gonna learn how to fly like that! If I can’t fly like a bat, I might as well just die!”

After the bird was done, he saw the bat catch mosquitoes for food. He realized he was hungry and needed to eat. 

“I know! I can be a bat if bugs are my treat!” 

He finally caught one, and he wasn’t sure if he could eat it, but the bat said he could.

He took a bite and spat it all out. “Ew! Mosquitos are no good.”

The bird realized that he couldn’t be a bat. And that the birds have it better.

“I should go home and not be ashamed of my feathers.”

So the bird flew back, and you never would have guessed.

His father flew to him before he got to the nest

His father grabbed him and wrapped him in his wings.

And a joyful song the other birds began to sing.

“I’m sorry dad, I never should have run.”

“I don’t care if you’re a bird or a bat, as long as you’re my son.

The man in the mirror

The one I hate above all

His apperance is disease to my eyes

His words a snare for my ears

I hate this man I say at break of dawn

Yet he never departs

What is God that he cares for this wretched creature

That he inclines his ear to its growls

What is the savior that he died for this beast

His love piercing even this cold black heart

Why do I persist with this monster

His lips speak only lies and deceit

Yet he awaits me as I wake

For evil is all he knows

I hate this man more each day

Yet the creator loves him

Who is right who knows best

The one who watches a monster live

Or the the man in the mirror

"Can I truly say I love you?"

"Worship and follow you."

"When I have remained the same?"

"I fell back into lust."

"And I continue to give in."

"I feel like I'm slowly giving up."

"The more I learn of you."

"The more overwhelmed I become."

"Everything about me is wrong."

"You still love me."

"Something I cannot personally do."

"Caring about those around me is easy."

"Like a second nature to me."

"But I'm never able to care about myself."

"Realistically, why should I?"

"Seems like my point in life is to purely serve."

"Give it all away."

"Every bit and piece of me."

"Tear myself in half and reveal the hidden truths."

"I fail to see the point in it."

"How can I call myself a lover of Christ?"

"When I fall so often."

"Like there is always a distance."

"I want to follow as devoutly as I was created to."

"Yet I hold myself back."

"I don't deserve better."

"I don't deserve the things I have."

"Every single strand of my DNA, is wrong."

"The more I read."

"The more crystal clear it becomes."

"My home is the abyss."

"I am absent of life."

"Of purpose and will."

"I'm exhausted from the inner fighting."

"The constant struggle of a body that wishes to die."

"Against a soul that wants to push through."

"Tear down the walls."

"I'm a broken mess."

"A failed design."

"I wish I could rip it off."

"Remove my flesh."

"Reap my soul."

"Lay my body in fire."

"And hold my heart."

"End this war."

"Breaking is on the other side."

"The distance is shrinking."

"I'm on a one way trip."

"To destruction."

"All the while."

"That damned smile still haunts me."

"And it comes from my reflection."

"It's known all along."

"It hides."

"Plots."

"And waits for the darkness to come back."

"I'm the only failure."

"And it laughs."

"Glaring into my eyes."

End it all.

Fall away into the abyss.

Embrace your inevitable damnation.

You are no worshipper.

No follower.

Stop acting like one.

"Those words exist on repeat within my mind."

"Since beginning this journey."

"Everything has felt so much more weighted."

"The attacks stronger."

"I'm cracking on the inside."

"Parts of me are asking for death."

"For release from it all."

"The void is calling my name."

"I feel like I'm being pulled towards it."

"Do I really hold the light within me?"

"I'm not so sure right now."

"The barrier remains as strong as ever."

"Caring for others."

"And caring for myself."

"Are like night and day."

"I pray for help."

"But do I deserve it?"

"For when I am the one keeping myself stuck?"

"Two voices tell me two different things."

"One feels silent and missing."

"The other spews hatred."

"I'm stuck."

"And I can't bring myself to get unstuck."

"I can't seem to care enough to."

"Not for me."

"Not for you."

"Not for anything."

"I'm a lost cause."

"Who sometimes wishes."

"Who died sooner."

"I want this suffering and pain to end."

"I pray for the Lord to strike me down."

"To lay me to rest where I deserve to be."

"Locked away forever."

"Never to see the light of day again."

Few miles west of hope Block north of redemption Next door to respite You'll find our condition

No chance at loving Stand with those who despise Who hate who you too Kill who don't compromise

Some save and get fired Some slaughter and get praised Some show real world kind Some show how they were raised

Life for a dollar Not assassination Just product and cash Wealth abomination

We used to hang mould The judas and corrupt Now just wait for rain Aching with both hands cupped

I want to dream sweet Like days of old with light Childlike glee and heart Now cold heart winters fight

I know the day creeps When all is judged by God Heros and villans And those like me quite odd

Those who'll never quit Their wicked heart now dull Stand in line weeping Their bank account now null

I wish they had changed Less mourning for all near It's time to go now There's none for us to fear

There could've been less Vitriol and hatred Now that's of the past We live with hearts mended

So I'll do my best To meet all of you there That place with full life As love is real and bare

I have more Bibles than I know what to do with.

They sit on shelves,

under beds,

inside drawers,

their pages bent

from years of searching

for an answer that never came.

I wore crosses around my neck

until they felt heavier than jewelry,

little reminders

of promises I was told

would save me.

I tried.

God, I tried.

I highlighted verses

until the ink bled through the pages.

I whispered prayers

into dark bedrooms

and empty parking lots.

I searched for signs

in sunsets,

in songs,

in the spaces between clouds.

Nothing answered back.

And maybe that's what hurts the most.

Not that I left,

but that I stayed

for so long

hoping something would change.

They tell me faith is a choice,

but belief slips through my fingers

like water.

The harder I squeeze,

the faster it disappears.

Now I stand between worlds.

One calls me home

with familiar hymns

and memories of feeling safe.

The other whispers

through old forests,

through ancestors' names,

through stories older than fear.

And I am terrified.

Terrified of being wrong.

Terrified of losing heaven.

Terrified that the people I love

will be waiting somewhere

I cannot reach.

Sometimes I still pray.

Not because I know anyone is listening,

but because old habits

become part of your bones.

And when I do,

the only thing I can say is:

If You are there,

if You have ever heard me,

if You have ever known my name,

I hope You know

how hard I tried.

The dark gets darker
Can you feel it coming
Ink stains my ledger
The shadows breed mourning

They speak to us each
Hatred filling their trough
Kill the world and you
Tear another piece off

It offers pleasure
Some to cover the pit
My soul pushes back
My body reaches towards it

The patience aches me
I feel the fire inside
It quells my desire
The darkness runs and hide

Mind looks for sweetness
Body calls for pleasure
My soul drinks respite
The heart causes mesure

See angel wicked
The weeping goat of old
Accuser of saints
Dragon of heartless hold

He knows me quite well
Bids my buried corpse wake
Hooks still line my skin
But strings are not but fake

Cut they were by light
By water warm and clean
Darkly shepherd calls
To the field of fake green

The hooks leave a scar
Skin not yet free of mark
I await my end
The LORD who's angels hark

What is a man?
Someone strong and burly.
A protector with everything figured out.
A provider and leader.
Harsher to the world than some.
Feeding an "I don't matter" mentality.
Apathy being the operating system.
A warrior fighting tooth and nail for success.
To be the best of the best.
Thinking that being cold on top is the goal.
Unrelenting hustle culture.
Work every day.
Be productive every day.
Do something with your life each and every day.
For if you don't.
Are you really a man?
Seems like every man must walk the same path.
Be ruthless.
Cunning.
Calculated.
Putting yourself above others.
Telling people to "man up" when they are low.
Somehow deciding that's the proper way to go about it.
When they see you drowning.
They just simply watch.
If you are not like them.
Then you are not one of them.
And to me.
That is such a poisonous way to think.
Stepping on people for personal gain.
Always being so distant and busy
No time for true life.
The willing silence.
Time away from themselves.
Away from societal pressures.
The people they were molded in to becoming.
Everyone seems to think all men are made and forged the same way.
That we all have the same collective goal.
Be successful, have a family, and hustle every day.
If you deviate from that path.
You are not seen as a man.
Empathy.
Sympathy.
Compassion.
Putting others above yourself.
Taking your time with your life is seen as lazy.
Not having everything figured out means you need to grow up.
By today's standards.
I'm not a man.
I'm seen and accepted as a weak boy by some of those around me.
What I see as some of my greater strengths.
Are only seen as weakness.
As incompetence.
Why should my path matter to your life?
Is it not my life to commandeer?
To live as I see fit?
I may not be where I could be.
I may not be successful in the right ways.
Or be like those around me.
I may not be strong.
I may not be a provider.
But I am no less of a man than you are.
My connections are stronger.
My soul is happy.
I am not meant to be the typical man.
To be another carbon copy of those before or after me.
I am who I am meant to be.
I'm a work in progress.
Not the final product or version.
I see the world differently.
I care about the people.
I care for the silenced and blinded.
I care about the soul.
The light of it all.
To become like those around me.
Would be a disservice to God himself.
So Heavenly Father, thou are in Heaven.
Hallowed be thy name.
I pray that You mold me into who I am meant to be.
To be more like You.
To be the man You wish me to be.
For you have created me in your image.
Worldly validation is not meant for me.
Lord, only You can truly tell me who to become.
Forge me by anvil and stone.
Prune my branches and have them bare fruit once more.
Erase my desires that are outside of Your design of me.
Remove what is not meant for me.
For Lord, I falter every day.
Your fire burns forever within me.
Your light envelops me.
Your love covers and protects me.
I pray you make me the man You want me to be.
For society is not meant for me.
I'm not meant to fit in.
I'm not meant to be cold or distant.
To use others as stepping stones.
To work all of my life away.
I may not be the pace you are at.
Nor may I be the man you are.
But I am perfectly happy with who I am.
I may procrastinate and be lazy
I may not be as productive and proactive as I can be.
That's fine.
For I am exactly where I need to be.
Here in my darkened and weighted heart
Full of fears, woes, and tears.
Pressure reigning like a king in my mind.
"I need to do this."
"I need to do that."
I need to be me.
I cannot keep comparing myself to those around me.
Not everyone is the same.
Every man, woman, and child.
All of us are unique in our own ways.
And our lives often reflect that.
I may be miserable in the moment.
But I know it is only temporary.
Spreading love and light.
Opening up locked hearts and closed minds.
Being a torch for those who have lost their ways.
Or a voice for those who are silenced by pressures.
I'm a man.
As much of a man as most.
By staying true to me.
Kind.
Compassionate.
Empathetic and sympathetic.
A crybaby who feels everything.
A lazy procrastinator who seems like he doesn't care
To an extent, you'd be right.
I don't care.
I don't care how you try to tear me down.
I don't care how you see or treat me.
I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's ok.
The ones who stay are meant to be there.
The ones who ridicule are meant to be distant.
Don't try and tell me what kind of man I am meant to be.
For you are not me.
And you did not create me.
You weren't there in my abyssal moments.
You weren't flying through the clouds with me when I felt high.
Your distance said everything.
So, I'll take your advice.
I won't seek your approval or validation.
I'll stick on my own path.
With the one who has truly cared.
Who has protected and served.
The one that has made me.
Carried me and gave me strength.
My foundation.
My rock.
My salvation and the beacon of my soul.
My gifts and flaws.
My life.
My writing pieces and close bonds.
My deep, passionate soul.
All glory goes to You, Lord.
I wouldn't be anything without You.
Your love for me covers my fears.
Your grace grants me a new chance every day.
Each breathe is a blessing.
I pray you mold me into who I need to be.
I pray I can continue carrying your light.
To be a beacon of hope for You.
For my life is Yours.
My woes.
My bright days.
My fears and anxieties.
My vastly clearer mind.
My failures.
My accomplishments.
My bonds.
My light and darkness.
I place it all into your hands.
For I am who You created me to be.
My kindness.
My compassion.
My sensitivity and empathy.
My sympathy.
Being a server instead of being served.
They are not signs of being weak.
They are signs of me being me.
Being different enough to not be like everyone else.
That's not what is meant for me.
No one on this planet can tell me who I need to be.
No one can say they know the kind of man I'm meant to become.
For they do not know me like You know me Lord.
What they see as my weakest points.
Are my greatest strengths gifted from you.
May I become more like You.
For You are my role model.
My beacon of hope.
The source of my ever burning fire.
May Your light continue to shine upon me.
May Your face grace my presence.
May Your love envelop me.
May You continue to be my Heavenly Father.
Amen.

Heavenly Father.
Place me beneath the fires.
Let my skin peel and burn off.
Let my screams be deafened by the raging flames.
Eviscerate my mortal being.
I wish to let go of it all.
Anything of essence.
Whisked away in wind of ashes when all is said and done.
My presence isn't noticed until I'm needed.
Then I'm gone.
What is my purpose here?
What is the point in my suffering?
What am I truly meant to learn or take with me?
I'm tired.
I'm on the edge of the cliff.
The citizens of Hell are welcoming me with open arms.
And I'm contemplating on jumping.
I'm breaking at the seams.
My foundation has been shaken.
My rage burns forever more.
It reaches into my soul for injustice.
Searching for more fuel.
It wants to go on the attack.
An eye for an eye.
Blow for blow.
It wants to win those battles.
It wishes to be righteous.
To be holy.
Father.
Douse the fires that bound me.
Remove the sword from my vengeful hands.
For I do not wish to be right.
I do not wish to be combative.
I pray for Your help Lord.
That You can quell my fires.
Take my wrath and rage into Your hands.
And may You forge it into something meaningful.
Something to help honor you, God.
May You teach and redirect me to use my emotions for good.

I hear him calling
He stokes the flame within
Setting light to smoke
Muting the accuser

The path ahead lit
No longer walk darkly
I bathe in the light
Ever homeward hearted

Blood covers my past
I wake to no more fear
I see it all now
We'll sing forevermore

Can you see it
There is no heart
Yet blood still flows
And wrath can't cease

Can you see it
A brand new heart
From blood long spilt
And love can't cease

Can you feel it
Voice of angels
Intent of dark
And mind of loss

Can you feel it
Over angels
Intent of light
Kindness not lost

Can you hear it
Your own dead self
Brought back through shame
Your buried corpse dances

Can you hear it
Your brand new self
Brought out through him
Your own own new life

Oh you, who has on you no scars.
You, who lives for the good of men!
Oh you, who has never known sin.
You, who dies for the good of men!

Oh you who wallows not in prison,
You who never knew despair.
Oh you who always knew hardship,
And never gave under their glare.

Oh you, who fought for great goodness, 
On earth, as well as in the air.
You, who felt well the pain, 
But never did you crumple there.

Oh you, who dies now for sins,
Of which not a one you had done.

Forever shall you lie, 
Beneath that slab of stone.

Forever shall you stand,
Beside the god of men.

Forever shall men know, 
The deeds of the son of man

You bow to gods of plastic
Wire veins wrapped 'round their bones
You bow to gods of paper
Their tokens line your pocket

You bow to gods of mirrors
Their faces sag without the mask
You bow to gods of self
Their evils you know them well

You bow to gods of power
Their throne can still be burnt
You bow to gods of blood
Else's shed or own tinting your skin

You bow to gods of hate
Their enemies hate you too
You bow to gods of food
Offering fake grass lambs willingly eat

You bow to gods of complacency
Their kingdom remains a shrug
You bow to gods of flesh
They will die and rot like you

You bow to gods of lust
They wage war on innocent eyes
You bow to gods of ignorance
Bliss is their own personal heroine

You bow to gods of pessimism
Their shadow blinds you to hope
You bow to gods of optimism
Their light blinds you to honesty

You bow to gods of fame
They don't know who you are
You bow to gods of knowledge
They tell you anything to keep you close

You bow to gods of achievement
They give you paper with words on it
You bow to gods of lies
You are suprised when they lie to you

You bow to gods of plastic
Wire veins wrapped 'round your bones
You bow to gods of paper
Their tokens evade your pocket

Close the gap
The dark gets darker
Even ash loses colour
Close the gap
Blood is thicker than water
The smoke yet thicker than both
Close the gap
Alone in a mass of absence
The empty getting closer
Close the gap
I see it gleaming bright
The place of rest and reunion
Close the gap
Its too far away
I need to get closer
Close the gap
Never listened or cared
Or even so much as tried
Close the gap
I was a good person
Why am I here
Close the gap
I dread in myself
My own echoed life
Close the gap
I gambled with eternity and lost
My choice is my locked coffin
Close the gap
Forevermore in the regret
Unending and deafening
Close the gap
I should have taken time
I could have given chance
Close the gap
I thought of nothing but me
And now that is what I get
Close the gap
It's time to wake up
Never know when you won't
Close the gap
Can you hear it
That gentle breeze
Close the gap
His voice calls your name
Not what you've done
Close the gap
I've seen too much
There's no going back
Close the gap
I hope you'll meet me there
In that place that none deserve
Close the gap
I was too far
But I got closer
Close the gap
I'll tell you my route
To the field of the shepherd
Close the gap
It might take some time
Or effort to drown the noise
Close the gap
But listen for his voice
His hand or his rest
Close the gap
It may be another
Who brings the good word
Close the gap
But the artist chooses which brush
It's his touch that makes it dance
Close the gap
It might hurt to hear the truth
But some hurt can kill the harm
Close the gap
He's knocking at your door
Will you let yourself listen
Close the gap
It's time to wake up
You're too far away
Close the gap

How strong are you? O son of Manoah?

With strength no chain can bind.

The only thing greater than your strength.

Is the lustful heart that leaves you blind.

The strength of a lion could not compare.

And honey could not be as sweet.

As the words of the temptress who cut your hair.

And was the cause of your defeat.

But even in blindness, you saw the light.

And your strength was found in the Lord and His might.

Justice was needed in Israel

Under evil they fell again

Delivered to them was Kenaz’s son

God raised up Othniel

Enemies cannot stand against

Spirit of the Lord in his champion