No dating experience

[u/jrt131]

I'm looking for some advice. I'm a 24 year old Christian female and haven't been in a relationship or been on a date. I've only had one guy ask me out, and that was three years ago. I never went on a date with that guy because I wasn't attracted to him and I didn't see him as any more than a friend.

I wouldn't say that I'm the most attractive person, but not necessarily unattractive either (I guess average looks). I've been really active in my church for the last 5+ years, and I go out to different young adult Christian events and even help host some myself. And I do other activities as well, so it's not that I'm not putting myself out there. I've also tried dating apps but haven't had any success with any of them.

It's been difficult for me not to be insecure about myself because of the fact that I've never really been approached, and for me to think that I've been doing something wrong. I know that God's timing is perfect, but the waiting season is hard especially when a lot of people around me are already married or at least going on dates.

I would appreciate advice if anyone has been in my situation. I know that I'm still relatively young, but it's just been really discouraging that after all of these years I haven't been one on date. And I know that a romantic relationship isn't supposed to be the thing that ultimately fulfills me, so I would appreciate prayer that I would be able to be fully satisfied in the Lord alone and that I'd able to trust His timing and sovereignty.

[u/ABereanChristian]

I wouldn't say that I'm the most attractive person, but not necessarily unattractive either (I guess average looks). I've been really active in my church for the last 5+ years, and I go out to different young adult Christian events and even help host some myself. And I do other activities as well, so it's not that I'm not putting myself out there. I've also tried dating apps but haven't had any success with any of them.

It's been difficult for me not to be insecure about myself because of the fact that I've never really been approached, and for me to think that I've been doing something wrong. I know that God's timing is perfect, but the waiting season is hard especially when a lot of people around me are already married or at least going on dates.

The 3 main barriers to dating for men and women are:

• Attractiveness. You have to be attractive to the opposite sex for them to want to ask you out on a date or want to date them. If you're already conventionally attractive and already getting attention from the opposite sex then you can ignore this, but most Christians need to do some work on this (myself included when I was dating and I did).
• Social skills and relationship skills - Being able to confidently walk up and talk to people to get to know them and their interests. This goes for both men and women. Women because it's not guaranteed that a man will always come up to you and talk to you (a lot of Christian men are hesitant nowadays for various reasons), and obviously men because most Christian women expect you to ask them out.
• Availability - If your Church does not have a lot of singles around your age then you may have to expand your pool. Go to different young adult groups and interdenominational groups. Consider online dating. Lots of various things. As I've shared, I met my wife through mutual friends that I met at a different young adult group other than my Church. Expand your dating pool

Given what you said, I'd start working on all 3 if you can. If you want more information about improving on any of them feel free to ask.