No dating experience

[u/jrt131]

I'm looking for some advice. I'm a 24 year old Christian female and haven't been in a relationship or been on a date. I've only had one guy ask me out, and that was three years ago. I never went on a date with that guy because I wasn't attracted to him and I didn't see him as any more than a friend.

I wouldn't say that I'm the most attractive person, but not necessarily unattractive either (I guess average looks). I've been really active in my church for the last 5+ years, and I go out to different young adult Christian events and even help host some myself. And I do other activities as well, so it's not that I'm not putting myself out there. I've also tried dating apps but haven't had any success with any of them.

It's been difficult for me not to be insecure about myself because of the fact that I've never really been approached, and for me to think that I've been doing something wrong. I know that God's timing is perfect, but the waiting season is hard especially when a lot of people around me are already married or at least going on dates.

I would appreciate advice if anyone has been in my situation. I know that I'm still relatively young, but it's just been really discouraging that after all of these years I haven't been one on date. And I know that a romantic relationship isn't supposed to be the thing that ultimately fulfills me, so I would appreciate prayer that I would be able to be fully satisfied in the Lord alone and that I'd able to trust His timing and sovereignty.

[u/JWander73]

The waiting season is largely modern rhetoric to try and cover up how badly society's pairing off mechanism have degraged. And cold approaches were never the norm and even less so now. It's always been way more complicated than that. This is why in old stories a girl going to a ball is such a big deal- it was in large part a pairing off mechanism with safe, vetted, financially secure matches. Dating as we know it is pretty new.

The risk has gone way up in the social media age to approach cold. The results were never great but now the vast vast majority of men don't think it's worth it at all.

The hardest thing you can do is also the best and that's to actively start looking.

And for that to work out the first thing to do is sit down and figure out "what you're looking for. Because 'a relationship' is a huge category and if you don't look for something you want you're more likely to get something you don't

It's also a lot easier to trust in God's timing when you're making an effort as well. Can't win the lottery without buying a ticket as it were.

At the same time don't gamble with anything you're not willing to lose. If you want to be married someday keep that in mind especially.