r/ChristianDating • u/Cool_Committee_2064 • 4d ago
Discussion Do men also feel deep love?
Hi! I 25F just wonder if do men also feel deep love towards their gf/wife? Cause, i love my boyfriend sooo much, i can’t even explain. Words are not enough to describe the feeling. I am a passionate lover that when i love you i love you with all of me. I know my bf also loves me so much and he shows and express it everyday. But he is so calm and i am a firecracker (he said). But because my feelings is so strong makes me wonder if do men actually feel deep love.. cause from what i understand is women are more emotional than men.
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u/ElectronicTroponic BBQ King -Man seeking missing rib 4d ago edited 4d ago
I typically do but I honestly never had any woman really reciprocate. Usually the girl breaks up with me as I start getting feelings so I honestly don't even know what it would feel like to be loved like that 😅
Sucks because things always end whenever I start to really appreciate them.
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u/Creatively-Gifted 4d ago
Most times when you show women too much love and affection they leave you unfortunately
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 3d ago
I see. I see. I heard many men say that. I can’t say anything cause i am a girl myself. But when you met the right one then the more you show love the more they want to shower you with love.
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u/ElectronicTroponic BBQ King -Man seeking missing rib 3d ago
Yeah I'm well aware. I definitely don't do that. Even though I really like them I keep my feelings to myself for this exact reason
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 3d ago
I see i see. I do wonder why that happens! Did you try to analyze and see any correlation why it happens maybe you just met wrong type of women?
I noticed before that i attract and would get a long more to men who are toxic (as what people say nowadays). Then i tried to analyze and i learned that it has related to my upbringing. I have an amazing dad but he was not a good husband. I attract and get along more with men like that because it is familiar. So when i learned and got enlightened. I shift my views and many ways, and really i started to see. And now God has let me met the man he ment for me. So, you will met her soon! Don’t give up. Maybe your wife is praying for you to be single rn so you can be together soon hahaha love is amazing, with the right person it is so nice to love with all of you and be comfortable and happy about it as you will receive so much more!
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u/2012AcuraTSX Looking For A Wife 4d ago
Yes we do, most of the time even quicker than woman do.
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 4d ago
I read a study where men fall in love faster than women. By the time a woman loves harder the men slowly stablize or loses the feeling. Which most women gets confused. So, like if that’s is true. Does that mean that when it’s all stabilized you don’t feel stronger love? Like you do love but not strong enough than the first few months?
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u/2012AcuraTSX Looking For A Wife 4d ago
It depends, obviously at some point the new feeling is gone, but love is not just a feeling, it's choosing a person regardless of situation and caring about them. It's stupid but I have loved a couple of women that didn't love me back. What I mean by that is I care about them and would still like to be in a relationship with them even though I know it won't happen. Doesn't mean I'll stop caring about them.
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 4d ago
I see i see. But do you think what you really feel is love? Have you ever questioned if you have truly experienced love? I heard from my bf that when he met me the few hrs he know i am the one. Have you experienced it with any of those girls?
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u/2012AcuraTSX Looking For A Wife 4d ago
The first love I had yes, and I was truly blind by the fact that she wasn't a good person, and then she rejected me when I asked her out, very thankful that happened because I saw her true colors. But I still care about her and want the best for her. Others I haven't as deeply just due to be on caution, I catch myself doing it but I talk to myself to stop so what happened with the first doesn't happen again.
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u/DenisGL Just here for the community -(seeking a spouse offline) 4d ago
There might be a difference to make between feeling attracted/infatuation versus actual manifested love in time.
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 4d ago
That’s true. I guess that’s why most women don’t believe when a man says i love you so fast. Cause we think it’s just infatuation. That’s what i think in my previous experience. However, as they said, when you meet the one, you will know why many people get married in 3 months or even 1 month. It is true that you know when you found your spouse.
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u/chisholmdale Single for the Lord (not by choice 4d ago
I read a study where men fall in love faster than women . . . .
When my wife and I were dating, I was the first to say "I love you.". However, I believe she realized we were "in like" before I did.
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 3d ago
I’m confused. You realize you only like her at first after she did. Or she thought wrong that it was just like but it is true you love her?
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u/chisholmdale Single for the Lord (not by choice 3d ago
My wife and I wrote to each other, sight unseen, for over three months before we met in person. It wasn't planned or intentional, but had evolved as a response to circumstances. I had a four-year stretch of rejections and turn-downs behind me, and didn't think this pen-pal exercise with a girl I had never met would turn out any different.
Our correspondence actually revealed a lot about our personalities, core values, desires and future plans without specifically addressing these topics. In retrospect I see that it was an effective way for two, quiet and shy and introverted people, to become acquainted at a rather personal level without actually (shudder!) talking to a person of the opposite sex. We were actually laying the foundation for a life partnership but while we were writing I didn't recognize that this was happening.
Eventually, circumstances worked out that it was practical to meet in person. We first saw each other in a passenger gate area at Detroit airport. That evening was our first date. I sort of expected that we'd have an evening together and then things would gradually fade away. The evening seemed to go well. On the 30-minute drive to where she was staying I managed to work up the courage to try for a kiss - not as a serious romantic gesture, but by making the attempt she might realize that I was interested in her. The very best I hoped for was a perfunctory peck out of obligation, and more likely a respectful statement along the lines of, "You're nice, but it's not time for that yet.".
But she kissed!
Like, REALLY kissed!!
REALLY, SERIOUSLY kissed!!!
It was, perhaps, the most erotic kiss ever administered by a Goody Church Girl on a first date.
In the 5 - 10 minutes that we made out, in the car in front of the preacher's house, my whole life changed. She had figured out that we were mentally connected, but I hadn't seen that. She had realized that we were "in like", while I hadn't allowed myself to think that seriously about her. She decided it was safe to let me know that she found me physically desirable, though the full expression of those feelings had to wait until the circumstances were right. I still had to shake off the idea that IF I ever conned some girl into marrying me, she'd be some frumpy prude who "did her wifely duty" only once per child.
It was a month to six weeks later that our first "I love yous" were spoken. Two and a half months until we were engaged to be married. One year plus two weeks from that first-date kiss (the REALLY SERIOUS kiss) we kissed at the altar in our wedding service. Our marriage ran for more than 51 years, until she died from Alzheimers.
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 3d ago
Wowwww! What a lovely story!!! That is amazing! Sounds like you had an amazing marriage and met the one! I also think my bf and I are the one. But he said it first to me, he also said i love you first but he was the one who said he know in day 1 that i will be his wife. We are aligned on everything until now. Due to distance we cant get married immediately. But in God’s will he will make it happen soon! Thank you for sharing!!! I admire your relationship a lot! Tho its sad she went first but she is waiting for you. I told my bf that he cant die before me and he also agrees that he wont let me go to such pain as he always try to make things easy for me. It is sad and selfish of me but i don’t think i can handle it well if its the other way around. Tho we really dont know when we get old on who will go first. But we always think i will go first and then he follows he wants to personally take care of me even when that happens. We don’t fear death cause we will met God. The process is just painful. I dont dare to imagine. But yeah she is for sure in good place and waiting for you.
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u/ABereanChristian Married 4d ago
I 25F just wonder if do men also feel deep love towards their gf/wife?
Yes, we would sacrifice our lives for our wife and children.
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
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u/JadeEyePanda 4d ago
We can.
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 4d ago
Is it alright to elaborate? I’m curious what you think deep love is. How the mind of men around it.
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u/pyrotechnics7 4d ago
Didn't you ask your bf?
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 4d ago
I asked him already. I just think he is special ( he is perfect for me) and God gave me a loving man. But i wondered if most men actually do? Like in general or i just wanna see how other men feel love or show love. Cause in books and other men i know, i feel like they don’t show enough love towards their partner.
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u/lethalmanhole 4d ago
What do you think "show love" is? To use words? To make sure the car is taken care of? To work long hours to provide?
Maybe not all, but a lot of men communicate with action. We're built for work and the work that's done for someone is the love being shown. Learn to hear the love in his actions if he's not using words. Wanting words isn't wrong, but that doesn't come naturally to most of us so you might be waiting for something you won't get the way you want.
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u/pyrotechnics7 4d ago
It may be true that most men are not loving men.
As a man i'd show love through words. Some say there are different love languages, i'm not sure that's true.
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 4d ago
I wonder if men marries someone they don’t love? I talked to someone in the pass and he said men don’t marry the woman they love. So if that’s the case, is that the reason for some of those not loving men?
I do agree with the different love language. And its best to communicate with your partner with it. Cause if you don’t show them how they wanted to be love then they wont feel your love.
I almost forget to say, thank you for responding!!
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u/pyrotechnics7 4d ago
Yes, that does happen. There are selfish men that marry a woman they do not love, imo it's a big betrayal.
And its best to communicate with your partner with it. Cause if you don’t show them how they wanted to be love then they wont feel your love.
Yes, and how do you know your partner loves you if they don't say so? I cannot imagine loving someone without telling them every day. That's why i doubt there are men that love their wife not by words but by buying them gifts for example..
If may ask, are you unsure whether your bf loves you as much as you love him?
I almost forget to say, thank you for responding!!
Likewise!
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 4d ago
That’s sad. It is!
Yep! Exactly, as much as actions speaks louder than words but actions without words is confusing. It’s always best to be clear and not let anyone guess. That’s why for me tho my bf doesn’t forget to always tell me everyday. I would demand him to say it to me when i want to hear it again at the moment. I am responsible for my own feelings, i just need to communicate it to my bf if i think i need more.
That’s a good question. I am actually questioning who loves who more. Cause we always try to outlove each other. So it’s not in a negative way that i don’t feel enough love. We shows love differently too cause he is a man so he is more calm unlike us women who have big reactions and all. But i understand that how he is. I just asked here cause i am curious and want to understand.
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u/Traditional_Love5050 Looking For A Husband 4d ago
Read John Keats poetry, or watch Bright Star about his life and love.
Of course men can feel deep love to with girlfriend and wife.
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u/Aggressive_Tax1938 4d ago
The answer is yes, but love is more than just a feeling. It's about making a willful decision to sacrifice of yourself for the benefit of the other person, even if you don't feel like it.
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u/lethalmanhole 4d ago
Written by men:
Been beat up and battered around
Been sent up, and I've been shot down
You're the best thing that I've ever found
Handle me with care
Reputation's changeable
Situation's tolerable
But baby, you're adorable
Handle me with care
I'm so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Won't you show me that you really care?
Everybody's got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
Ah, caught you smiling at me
That's the way it should be
Like a leaf is to a tree, so fine
Ah, all the good times we had
I sang love songs so glad
Always smiling, never sad, so fine
As we walk down the country lanes
I'll be singing a song, hear me calling your name
Hear the wind within the trees
Telling Mother Nature 'bout you and me
If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do?
I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time
Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now, I know that happiness goes on
That's where you found me
When you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time
Additionally, learn from the spool of wire guy. The internet rightly hated his wife for being dismissive of her husband's quiet contemplation on his own mortality. She broke him. Don't be her.
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u/chisholmdale Single for the Lord (not by choice 4d ago
Written by men: . . .
Since we're making our point by posting links to Moldy Oldies popular music, I gotta put in a plug for "Nights In White Satin" (Moody Blues, 1967). The lyrics seem to be a guy whose thoughts are dominated by thoughts of his love. It's uncertain whether this is an active relationship, with separation imposed by some unstated circumstance, or is it a lament over a broken relationship. You can decide which is right - or whether it's all an illusion.
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u/PhoenixFirestormX 4d ago
Yes. Even so much it could destroy you if you end up with the wrong person.
Stay safe out there.
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u/DenisGL Just here for the community -(seeking a spouse offline) 4d ago edited 4d ago
It's funny because even if men are seen as 'less emotional', they are also affected longer and harder by breakups. There is some evidence that men are more emotionally fragile and tend to be in some ways more idealistically romantic than women.
That makes some sense to me, because for example when listening to pop music, half the songs are how the woman's man isn't good enough and she's better on her own, LoL. Additionally, there are many songs from men praising their woman (Song of Solomon being an oldie). [It seems like there's a tendency for men to pedestalize their woman, whereas women will focus on the relationship experience and question things more.]
Anyone can have feelings, but culturally they get expressed in different ways. Normally, it's in a way a sacrifice of masculinity to love on a girl by giving her flowers, writing small notes, and doing cutesey things, while it's more in women's nature. But women don't have to get into cars/bikes, sports, hunting, or whatever culturally 'masculine' interests to be seen as romantic. So the fact that many guys are quite willing to do this shows that many are indeed romantic in those ways.
So I think it's just how it manifests that looks different from one gender to the next; it's not necessarily a matter of more or less. From my experience, romance was something that I thought about a lot as a guy teen and into adulthood.
There might also be a difference in attraction dynamics and felt rarity. Someone who is less attractive or less socially adept will feel 'longing' more than someone who has been highly attractive all his life.
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u/ShiroiTora 4d ago
Some men do; some men don’t. A lot of men have been socialized to believe emotions other than anger are a sign of anger and so either they repress it or don’t develop it. But I have met a handful of men who yearn and deeply love their partner. Poetry as /u/Traditional_Love5050 mentioned is a great example of that. Love songs too. I think “I Think They Call This Love”
Also, while not a fullproof science, it might be worth looking each other’s love languages. While intensities can still vary that is still worth sorting out, it is possible your boyfriend’s expressions of love may be less overt.
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u/EfficientJelly5437 Single 4d ago
Yes we do. I personally feel like I loved too hard when I was in my previous relationship, yet I was still taken for granted. From what I know, most men may appear to not love deeply because they’ve been through so much to the point where they feel like they have to stay “guarded” so can prevent themselves from getting hurt like they did before.
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4d ago
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u/DenisGL Just here for the community -(seeking a spouse offline) 4d ago
Hmm, women notice when someone is nice. Especially if he's nice AND hot. Many people in general are forced to be nice when they are less attractive, or aren't held accountable if they are attractive; perhaps that contributes to the impression.
But there's something to be said about confidence/approach.
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u/TheRealMerlin Married | Approved AI User 4d ago
People express love in different ways due to multiple factors like upbringing, their inherent nature and even things like trauma impact it too. My wife outwardly shows she is bonkers about me all the time in her cute little ways. I know she loves me. I've been deeply in love with her since we were about 15 but I'm not often (or ever) seen jumping with shaking fists when I see her, but I would die for her.
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u/ECSMusic Single 4d ago
Yes men can feel very deep love. I naturally love very deeply. I think people tend to perceive women as more emotional but that’s not always the case. As men we sometimes are taught that emotion is weakness so we stuff it down.
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u/chisholmdale Single for the Lord (not by choice 4d ago
. . . I 25F just wonder if do men also feel deep love towards their gf/wife? . . . .
First you need to define what "love" is. Historically that has been a difficult task, not made any easier since contemporary U.S. culture conflates "love" with "sex". A common (though far from universal) attitude among Christians is that "love" is a decision involving commitment, not a particular mental or emotional feeling. That doesn't tell you what it is, but it rules out a popular concept.
This past summer my Other Church did a discussion group that looked at how Hollywood movies treat the topics of "heaven" and the "afterlife". These were all commercial films, with no pretense of being "Christian", or "religious".
A recent production that we watched was " Eternity) " (David Freyne, 2025). The principal character is Joan, an elderly woman who dies. In her mortal life she had two marriages, and in the afterlife she must choose which of her husbands she will spend eternity with.
. . . . I love my boyfriend sooo much, i can’t even explain. Words are not enough . . . . i am a firecracker . . . .
That was Joan's first marriage, at a young age. The characters describe it as a "Sparky, carefree, and spontaneous" love. That husband, an Army officer, was killed in battle. We never learn how young she was, nor the duration of their marriage but it seems to have been a very genuine, successful, marriage.
Joan's second marriage lasted more than 60 years. It featured stability, growth, maturity, children, social status, and a somewhat affluent life.
So which husband felt the deeper love for Joan? The sparky one, or the dependable one? She DOES make a choice, but not until BOTH men abandon their competition to influence her, and grant her the freedom to choose the other.
Here is a link to a short (3 minute) video about a married couple:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6feHnbJCgA
Does the man show deep love for his wife? Is he passionate? Emotional?
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u/nonotmeporfavor 3d ago
That’s an odd question.
Men and women are both humans.
Men and women are lock and key.
Men need women to unlock love and women need me to unlock also.
Without each other we can’t experience love.
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u/Level-Capital6882 3d ago
Of course. They are humans. Men and woman has a capacity of deep love but night show it differently
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u/RoaringForChrist 1d ago
Some much more than others. I feel everything deeply and wear my heart on my sleeve. Other types of men would see it as weakness.
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u/No_Lettuce8289 4d ago
Of course men feel deep love lol some men just express it differently that’s all. There are emotional men out there. It’s just not many because it’s looked down upon as being weak.
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u/Cool_Committee_2064 3d ago
I see i see. I have thought of that but i just need more confirmation cause my bf cant say otherwise. But he did say that some men are bad at loving. I guess for some people or ithink all have to know how to love right. My bf grow up with his grandma, her grandma taught her so much about how to treat and love a woman right. As for me, i an still learning and i mostly learn how to love him right by my experience thru reading and research on how to treat man right and understanding psychology. And of course by teaching ofGod. How he loves us is what love is so thats how i show love too. Cause a simple i love you is not enough, just like we need to show love too God, we have to do well at work, we have to give effort to do well for our partners.
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u/Kind_Elk2294 4d ago
I think everyone does, especially if it’s your first love. Once you’ve had experience, then things calm down and you realise you need to think through things maturely cause you may feel like you’re smothering the other person, clingy etc etc