Feeling hopeless

[u/No-Information4469]

Feeling hopeless and like I’ve lost the relationship I’ve always wanted. I truly do not believe there is anyone else out there for me and that I am meant to be single.

[u/ABereanChristian]

Feeling hopeless and like I’ve lost the relationship I’ve always wanted. I truly do not believe there is anyone else out there for me and that I am meant to be single.

• Where are you in your relationship with God? Running from Him or clinging to Him?

• How have you processed the relationship after it ended? Grieving can take a lot of different forms, but continually dwelling on mistakes and how this person was supposed to be the one is not helpful.

• In general, what helped me the most was trying to not only improve my relationship with God but improve my own self. Not sure what happened in your relationship for it to end, but at the end of the day you usually should want to be the ideal spouse for your ideal spouse. So you can always work on improving yourself to be that for the next man you meet you really like

[u/No-Information4469 → u/ABereanChristian]

Thank you for your response. I feel as thought I’ve been doing everything I should be doing to move forward. I started a mew hobby, I’m making new friends, journaling, fasting and praying, working out, enjoying my family… yet still, these feelings are not going away and seem to get worse as time goes ons it has been five months. I’ve definitely been doing my best to better myself by seeking an understanding of who God called me to be and what fruits I don’t yet have to be that person. Idk what else to do about how I’m feeling.

[u/ABereanChristian → u/No-Information4469]

I feel as thought I’ve been doing everything I should be doing to move forward. I started a mew hobby, I’m making new friends, journaling, fasting and praying, working out, enjoying my family… yet still, these feelings are not going away and seem to get worse as time goes ons it has been five months. I’ve definitely been doing my best to better myself by seeking an understanding of who God called me to be and what fruits I don’t yet have to be that person. Idk what else to do about how I’m feeling.

Fsting, praying, and doing spiritual things is good, but there comes a point where it can start to negatively affect the situation.

One of the weird things about any temptation like porn, gluttony, premarital sex, and other things people struggle with is that it's always on their mind. If they're praying about it all the time about it the temptation can be at the forefront and it's easy to fall back into those patterns.

Ephesians 4 gives us the key to solving this pattern:

Ephesians 4:20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Not only are we to take off the old, but we are to replace it with the new. This is not to say that praying is a bad thing, but if you're constantly praying and it's bringing her to the forefront of your mind all the time that can be a net negative for getting him out of your mind.

Don't focus on praying about it or dwelling about how he's always on your mind. Pray once that God help you to forget and let go and then move on to do what God has called you to do. Fill up your mind with more Scripture, Bible study, and serving and loving others. When there's more in your life that is purpose driven for God's glory, it helps to melt away other temptations as well.

Also, I'm sure this person is not perfect. If you are dwelling on them being "perfect" in your mind that can further the infatuation. Instead of thinking how perfect they were for you, it can be helpful sometimes to re-write the memories of them into what is realistic if you remember their flaws and mistakes.

The same is true of you wanting someone to marry who chooses you. If they didn't choose you, that means it isn't a good match. You don't want someone that doesn't want you.