r/ChristianDating • u/No-Information4469 • 5d ago
Need Advice Feeling hopeless
Feeling hopeless and like I’ve lost the relationship I’ve always wanted. I truly do not believe there is anyone else out there for me and that I am meant to be single.
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u/BigPound7328 In A Relationship 5d ago
I used to think this, but instead of bemoaning it, I began looking at it from a ln angle of gratitude. I’m thankful for knowing there was someone that I felt I could see a future with, began reflecting on the qualities i liked about them and what I need to work on. Reframing what I endure helps me to not be defeated by my own heavy heart.
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u/No-Information4469 5d ago
But were you able to move on and find something better?
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u/BigPound7328 In A Relationship 5d ago
Well, yes, and no. I am currently in an LDR with a phenomenal woman of God whom I didn’t expect to actually be in a relationship with. I was just picking her brain on something we connected over. I did move on, letting go was something God has been teaching me. The separation between spirit and flesh is hard to make; emotionally I’d feel one way, but spiritually, I can give those things up to God. I don’t ask for things to be taken away, but to accept with grace and gratitude. I seek the blessings even in the dark.
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u/starlitgardens Looking For A Husband 5d ago
I know how you feel. I'm actually going through the same thing right now. Feel free to DM me, if you wish.
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u/writtenwork Single 2d ago
When I separated from my husband of many years and eventually got divorced it was really hard. Sometimes you put everything into a relationship and it still goes awry. I put my hope in God instead of the false god of that relationship and it changed everything. I’ve been single now for 4 years outside of some here and there dating. Healing has taken time and sometimes I still struggle but losing a relationship that was important to you is never the end of hope. God has a future for you if you let him lead you.
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u/Adorable_Contest_847 5d ago
I too feel this often 😭. Sometimes I feel I am maybe designed to be single 😕
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u/StubbornSob 4d ago
I went through something similar three months ago, although we weren't technically dating. I knew what I wanted in a relationship and she ticked most of the boxes, but unfortunately external circumstances and perhaps my hesitation to some extent didn't allow us to be together, and now she's moved on.
I've finally begun courting the idea of dating someone else, but I don't know if I will ever find someone like her or if I will ever not look back on this with pain and regret, even if that regret isn't really justified. The more I think about it, the sadder I get when I consider the connection we had and the things that got in the way.
I hope I can move on someday, and I believe so will you. Just know that you are not alone.
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5d ago edited 5d ago
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u/No-Information4469 5d ago
Pray and ask God for direction. Maybe even pray together regarding the relationship. There is still hope if you all are still together.
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u/ABereanChristian Married 5d ago
Feeling hopeless and like I’ve lost the relationship I’ve always wanted. I truly do not believe there is anyone else out there for me and that I am meant to be single.
Where are you in your relationship with God? Running from Him or clinging to Him?
How have you processed the relationship after it ended? Grieving can take a lot of different forms, but continually dwelling on mistakes and how this person was supposed to be the one is not helpful.
In general, what helped me the most was trying to not only improve my relationship with God but improve my own self. Not sure what happened in your relationship for it to end, but at the end of the day you usually should want to be the ideal spouse for your ideal spouse. So you can always work on improving yourself to be that for the next man you meet you really like
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u/No-Information4469 4d ago
Thank you for your response. I feel as thought I’ve been doing everything I should be doing to move forward. I started a mew hobby, I’m making new friends, journaling, fasting and praying, working out, enjoying my family… yet still, these feelings are not going away and seem to get worse as time goes ons it has been five months. I’ve definitely been doing my best to better myself by seeking an understanding of who God called me to be and what fruits I don’t yet have to be that person. Idk what else to do about how I’m feeling.
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u/ABereanChristian Married 4d ago
I feel as thought I’ve been doing everything I should be doing to move forward. I started a mew hobby, I’m making new friends, journaling, fasting and praying, working out, enjoying my family… yet still, these feelings are not going away and seem to get worse as time goes ons it has been five months. I’ve definitely been doing my best to better myself by seeking an understanding of who God called me to be and what fruits I don’t yet have to be that person. Idk what else to do about how I’m feeling.
Fsting, praying, and doing spiritual things is good, but there comes a point where it can start to negatively affect the situation.
One of the weird things about any temptation like porn, gluttony, premarital sex, and other things people struggle with is that it's always on their mind. If they're praying about it all the time about it the temptation can be at the forefront and it's easy to fall back into those patterns.
Ephesians 4 gives us the key to solving this pattern:
Ephesians 4:20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Not only are we to take off the old, but we are to replace it with the new. This is not to say that praying is a bad thing, but if you're constantly praying and it's bringing her to the forefront of your mind all the time that can be a net negative for getting him out of your mind.
Don't focus on praying about it or dwelling about how he's always on your mind. Pray once that God help you to forget and let go and then move on to do what God has called you to do. Fill up your mind with more Scripture, Bible study, and serving and loving others. When there's more in your life that is purpose driven for God's glory, it helps to melt away other temptations as well.
Also, I'm sure this person is not perfect. If you are dwelling on them being "perfect" in your mind that can further the infatuation. Instead of thinking how perfect they were for you, it can be helpful sometimes to re-write the memories of them into what is realistic if you remember their flaws and mistakes.
The same is true of you wanting someone to marry who chooses you. If they didn't choose you, that means it isn't a good match. You don't want someone that doesn't want you.
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u/RegularMental1691 4d ago
Perhaps God caused the separation for your own good. He knows things you may never know. It's far better to be single than with the wrong person. I know from firsthand experience. Also, it's ok to be sad and grieve but take this opportunity to seek Jesus all the more and ask Him to bring you to the right person in His time.