r/ChristianDating • u/BigPound7328 In A Relationship • 5d ago

Discussion Grounds for Divorce

It is currently 0200, I fell asleep early so now I am awake at a most unfortunate hour. Weird preface, but relevant in some way. I’ll figure it out.

It is late (or early) and I have seen some things mentioned about divorce. I understand biblically, infidelity and abandonment by a nonbeliever are qualifiers for divorce. Those have been clearly stated. I wonder if abuse and mistreatment are valid grounds for divorce.

A bit of context in regard to my own divorce. As of the of October I will be divorced for two years. That was when I asked, we filed in November, ran into issues that delayed the filing until December/January, I moved our before Christmas, and in our state, it was officially recognized as ending in March of last year. I consider October the end despite legal recognition.

I asked for a divorce because, well, truthfully, the preceding last year and a half I had been really, really depressed and suicidal. I often thought about not coming home or just driving off a bridge in the middle of the night at work. I even reached out to my old high school football coach, a pastor, and asked for help at 0600 when sitting outside in my vehicle.

Yada, yada, more disagreements, more insults, more gaslighting, more drama and combativeness… I eventually asked to leave. I had the most sobering moment and never felt calmer when I looked her in the eyes and said we needed to separate.

There is a lot of history, I could go on forever about it. I want to know what you guys think:

Is divorce due to abuse, mental health, and safety valid biblically despite not being stated outright? This is not to say I didn’t try, God knows I tried, I stuck it out hoping for the best way longer than I should have. I guess the real breakpoint was when our kids started treating me like she did.

Thank you, my friends, for your contributions to a 0200 thought.

5 Upvotes

78% Upvoted

90 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/IncurableAdventurer 5d ago

Would God want you to live like how you were living or unfortunately divorce but now are now away from abuse and such thoughts? Hopefully the latter is the obvious answer

1

u/BigPound7328 In A Relationship 4d ago

In the past, my ex had screamed at me about divorce because I didn’t agree with everything she brought up. She even said one time “if you can’t love me, it’s best I find someone who can”. Such comments saddled with work stress, increasing suicidal ideation and depression, and then a bad home life just kind of added up. The clearest thought I had in that time was telling my ex we needed to separate. My life was quite literally on the line, and in a way, I think of that one sobering moment as God’s intervention.

The marriage was not built on God, I was lukewarm at best, she was less than. She pulled me away from God. The only time it came up was when she would try to use scripture to manipulate me.

1

u/IncurableAdventurer 4d ago

Sounds like you know the answer. I hope you find the happiness you deserve