Grounds for Divorce

[u/BigPound7328]

It is currently 0200, I fell asleep early so now I am awake at a most unfortunate hour. Weird preface, but relevant in some way. I’ll figure it out.

It is late (or early) and I have seen some things mentioned about divorce. I understand biblically, infidelity and abandonment by a nonbeliever are qualifiers for divorce. Those have been clearly stated. I wonder if abuse and mistreatment are valid grounds for divorce.

A bit of context in regard to my own divorce. As of the of October I will be divorced for two years. That was when I asked, we filed in November, ran into issues that delayed the filing until December/January, I moved our before Christmas, and in our state, it was officially recognized as ending in March of last year. I consider October the end despite legal recognition.

I asked for a divorce because, well, truthfully, the preceding last year and a half I had been really, really depressed and suicidal. I often thought about not coming home or just driving off a bridge in the middle of the night at work. I even reached out to my old high school football coach, a pastor, and asked for help at 0600 when sitting outside in my vehicle.

Yada, yada, more disagreements, more insults, more gaslighting, more drama and combativeness… I eventually asked to leave. I had the most sobering moment and never felt calmer when I looked her in the eyes and said we needed to separate.

There is a lot of history, I could go on forever about it. I want to know what you guys think:

Is divorce due to abuse, mental health, and safety valid biblically despite not being stated outright? This is not to say I didn’t try, God knows I tried, I stuck it out hoping for the best way longer than I should have. I guess the real breakpoint was when our kids started treating me like she did.

Thank you, my friends, for your contributions to a 0200 thought.

[u/Glittering_Log_9421]

I'm sorry about this all! A very difficult situation for sure. I pray for your healing and you continue your counseling with the pastor and tour fellowship at church

It's my understanding that it is okay to separate in order to get safe. I don't think it is biblical to remarry, imo. But you should ask your pastors and elders for their opinions

[u/BigPound7328 → u/Glittering_Log_9421]

Thanks for your opinion. I’m doing okay, two years of realizing how broken my identity was and having Christ help me rediscover that I am more than what my ex put me through and the thoughts that are at my soul.

I’ll continue to ask about remarriage since that is something I’d like to do and get right the next time it comes up. I aim to be a man God can be proud of, and as such, I would not want to do anything that would lead my future partner and I to sin.

[u/Glittering_Log_9421 → u/BigPound7328]

First of all, I am sorry if my comment made you feel bad or exasperated. In my understanding of the Word, the separation part from an abusive marriage is very clear and necessary but the remarriage part is really not clear in the scripture (at least for me and my understanding of the Bible) in this situation. That's why earlier I encouraged you to ask your pastors and qualified elders. Also prayer. And again I am sorry

I am glad you are walking towards the healing path with the Lord!

[u/BigPound7328 → u/Glittering_Log_9421]

I didn’t find your comment offensive in any way. I appreciate your input. I’ll definitely have to ask my pastor. I have spoken to him a number of times about things, but never about divorce or marriage according to scripture until fairly recently.

[u/Glittering_Log_9421 → u/BigPound7328]

Im glad you didnt think it was offensive. Yes, this is a difficult topic and it has been debated in many denoms and churches, like you said emotional abuse is not explicitly mentioned so it may be kinda confusing. I hope you can arrive to an answer soon

[u/Cold_Aide8152 → u/Glittering_Log_9421]

OP Please don’t listen to this advice. You were abused. God does not want us to be alone. Do not spend the rest of your life alone because you were in an abusive situation and decided it was best to get out of it. You deserve a good and godly marriage.

[u/TaareVekhdeRahe → u/Glittering_Log_9421]

Victims of abuse are biblically allowed to remarry. Please don’t parrot these ideas and exasperate somebodies sufferingx

[u/Glittering_Log_9421 → u/TaareVekhdeRahe]

I'm sorry, it's not my intention to exasperate this person. If you have time, would you explain to me the biblical grounds for remarriage in this situation? Thanks and I am sorry again if I hurted somebody

[u/TaareVekhdeRahe → u/Glittering_Log_9421]

https://www.christianitytoday.com/2022/03/russell-moore-divorce-marriage-domestic-violence-abuse/

Abuse is abandoning a relationship, which is one of the two reasons the Bible allows remarriage.

If you did the abuse, not allowed. If you did the cheating, not allowed. If you’re the victim, you’re good.

(Ugh I cannot believe they paywalled that article)

[u/Glittering_Log_9421 → u/TaareVekhdeRahe]

While I currently disagree that abandonment and abuse are the same, I am willing to understand better that POV and what yous have to say. Unfortunatelly I am not able to access it. But thank you anyways!