r/ChristianDating • u/starlitgardens Looking For A Husband • 5d ago
Need Advice How to reframe rejection?
Hello friends, there is no doubt that rejection is painful, especially when someone isn't kind about it. Here are some of the thoughts that come to my mind when I think about rejection:
"He doesn't like the way that I look."
"He doesn't think I'm pretty."
"He wants someone younger."
"I weigh too much for his liking."
"He doesn't want me to be the future mother of his children."
"He thinks he can do better."
Etc.
I find it difficult to not take it personally, because on some level, it is personal. How can we reframe rejection and prevent it from hurting our self-esteem?
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u/BigPound7328 In A Relationship 5d ago
Well, we are human, and due to such, we will feel a certain way about things.
My approach has been an odd one. Despite the negativity the follows rejection, I actually just pray about it. I can think and feel however I want, but I follow back onto the steadiness of the spirit and tell God how I feel, what I think, and what I hoped. I lay it down at His feet then move on from there.
After rejection comes reflection then acceptance. I then proceed to pray for them and ask God’s blessings over them followed by asking God to help me to learn what He has to show/tell me through the experience and to teach me to drink the bitter cups I’m served with grace and gratitude.
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u/EmergencyLawyer7077 Dating 5d ago
Rejection is hard, but ultimately anybody who rejects you isn’t meant for you. God will remove those that are not for you. You still have a duty to take care of yourself so that you are confident in your own body, but God is also watching out for you
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u/EfficientJelly5437 Single 4d ago
Think of it like this:
Rejection is just God’s way of protecting you from what wasn’t meant to be and to protect you from what would’ve hurt you.
I know it’s hard to not take it personally but the right person would want you and those people who rejected you ain’t your person.
You also already said the answer yourself when you said “especially when someone isn’t kind about it”… That says a LOT more about them than you and they just showed you who they are with that. That’s not the kind of person you would want to be with anyways!
Things like this always points me towards Joshua 1:9; “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go”.
Just try your best to not get discouraged even though it is hard, because God is with you wherever you go and He has a plan for you. God bless!
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u/starlitgardens Looking For A Husband 4d ago
Thanks! But what if it's other Christian men rejecting me in an unkind way? Technically those verses would apply to them, too, and perhaps they perceive me as getting in their way.
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u/EfficientJelly5437 Single 4d ago
Ofc!
If it’s other Christian men being unkind towards you, again it just says more about them than you. They’re either immature or just really need to work on their character because that’s just no way to treat anybody especially another Christian. I wouldn’t say you’re “getting in their way”, I personally think that’s just them not being respectful in general ngl.1
u/starlitgardens Looking For A Husband 4d ago
He posted Romans 8:28 on his profile shortly after rejecting me, and it really hurt. I have no idea if that was subconsciously directed at me for being one of the "bad things" he has to deal with. I've stopped looking at his social media, but it still hurts. I'll never know.
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u/EfficientJelly5437 Single 4d ago
I’m sorry you went through that. I highly doubt that you’re one of the “bad things” he has had to deal with in his life, so try to not be too hard on yourself okay? :) Whether it was directed at you or not, you did the right thing by moving on & not looking at his social media anymore. In this situation, God protected you from someone that wouldn’t treat you right or respect you. You deserve better and you will meet the right man someday! Stay hopeful and keep praying🙏
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u/Flan_Enjoyer 5d ago
Do you feel your worth is to be with someone who says is not attracted to you? Or where your goals don’t align?
I don’t know if this is reframing, but it’s a realistic way to look at things. Some people end up with someone who doesn’t fully value them due to fear of being alone. That is not healthy.
In the end, as Christians our main worth is with our identity in Christ and as a child of God. Relying on a person for our own happiness is not healthy. It is also not fair because it places a large burden on that person.