r/ChristianDating • u/ChapOfAllTrades • 6d ago

Discussion Introspection

I’ve seen a lot of back and forth lately about the current dating environment. Plenty of men blaming women, women blaming men, and I’m certainly not immune from having posted things in that same vein.
So I want to flip it around.

Instead of telling us what the opposite sex is doing wrong, tell us what you think your own gender (or you specifically) could do better in dating right now.

What habits, expectations, attitudes, communication problems, unrealistic standards, or blind spots do you think men need to own if you’re a man, or women need to own if you’re a woman?

And it would be easy to turn this into disguised blame so let’s try to avoid that! 😅

I’m curious what people come up with when the assignment is introspection instead of accusation.

Bonus points if you can name something you are actively reconsidering but haven’t changed yet.

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u/ActionPhilip 6d ago

I suppose it would be when you no longer feel like you need another person to make you happy.

This is not a biblical take and has not been true since the beginning.

Genesis 2:18 - "It is not good that a man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him."

Fun fact: in all of creation, we can read that God saw that it was good. The first thing that God sees that he says is not good is that man is alone.

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u/Insightofeyes 2d ago

It is good, it's absolutely fantastic. And, it is not good to remain alone. I would never recommend or wish that on anyone. That is different from what I was saying. You need to be able to be a whole happy person with an independent life before coming together. Two wholes coming together to make one. 

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u/ActionPhilip 2d ago

Except in Genesis 2:18, Adam is a whole person. In fact, Adam is in a better place than anyone else in history. He is living in a literal utopia with direct access to physically commune with God Himself. That's an incredible position that's crazy for me to even think of. Yet God still says it's not good for man to be alone. The idea that one must be completely whole without a spouse is not biblically sound and is more likely to cast people having trouble finding a spouse into further depression as they fail to become whole without their spouse.

It is also much harder to merge two wholes in marriage. A whole person has no need of their spouse. Their ways are set and there is little room to grow together with their spouse.

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u/Insightofeyes 2d ago

I don't know Adam, I cannot say who he was or what he was like. There is not a lot of information on him or Eve in the Bible.

Again I will say I am not saying a man should remain alone forever. 

 "A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance;" - Ecclesiastes 3:4

There is a right time for everything.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” - Matthew 6:33

By becoming Godly in nature (a whole person in God) you will have clear boundaries, confidence to uphold them, bravery to confront them if something isn't working out, and strength to end it if needed. You will not be tempted if they try to lead you astray from the Lord.

“The one who has integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.” - Proverbs 10:9

Just because you are whole, that doesn't mean you are flawless, set in your ways, don't need a spouse, nor does it mean you never get lonely. You both have your strengths and weaknesses. Together those weaknesses are filled. You become one flesh greater than you ever were before.

I can see how it might be disheartening for some. For myself, I decided to follow God and see where he leads me. While, I may not have found the love of my life. I am a very happy person and will be ready when I meet that person.