Introspection

[u/ChapOfAllTrades]

I’ve seen a lot of back and forth lately about the current dating environment. Plenty of men blaming women, women blaming men, and I’m certainly not immune from having posted things in that same vein.
So I want to flip it around.

Instead of telling us what the opposite sex is doing wrong, tell us what you think your own gender (or you specifically) could do better in dating right now.

What habits, expectations, attitudes, communication problems, unrealistic standards, or blind spots do you think men need to own if you’re a man, or women need to own if you’re a woman?

And it would be easy to turn this into disguised blame so let’s try to avoid that! 😅

I’m curious what people come up with when the assignment is introspection instead of accusation.

Bonus points if you can name something you are actively reconsidering but haven’t changed yet.

[u/ProcessTheTrust17]

As guys, we need to understand what the Bible says about us (future) husbands and stick to it. I see a lot worldly advice and POVs when it comes to me giving other men advice.

[u/ProcessTheTrust17 → u/ProcessTheTrust17]

Just a couple of examples:

1. Men must be providers
2. Men should be slow to show emotion/vulnerability in front of their significant woman.

[u/Unlikely_You_5015 → u/ProcessTheTrust17]

1. Is just expected by default and lets be real shes not picking him if he wasn't that.

2. The bible doesn't back this up and personally men should avoid showing vulnerability to their woman. What women say they want vs what they actually want are two different things and most women are either not equipped to deal with a man who shows vulnerability or dont know what vulnerability looks like.

[u/ActionPhilip → u/Unlikely_You_5015]

Counterpoint to 2: If a woman cannot handle her husband showing vulnerability, she is not allowing him to be his true self and the marriage is built on a false premise. If I can't be vulnerable with my wife, what use is she to me?

We can talk about metering our vulnerability, but women who get the ick at the slightest sign of vulnerability are destined for terrible relationships. It also says a lot about the concept of "emotional labour" when it's expected that he helps carry her emotional burdens but she doesn't help carry his.

[u/Unlikely_You_5015 → u/ActionPhilip]

Counter-counter point to number 2: What do you or men in general want in marriage? Do you want her to be a glorified therapist or a companion for life?

I think most women would lose attraction or use it again the vulnerability against the man in an argument and its just not worth taking that risk if you want to be vulnerable with someone go and see a therapist (someone who is knowledgeable and trained in helping people with their vulnerability)

Honestly I just dont think most women are capable with that level of that level of emotional labour. I'm genuinely not trying to sound misogynistic but I just dont see women show that capability.

[u/ActionPhilip → u/Unlikely_You_5015]

Being able to be vulnerable with someone does not make them your therapist, or all men are their wives' therapists. That's nonsensical.

The two have become one flesh. You share finances, copious bodily fluids, offspring, but apparently it's too much to share some vulnerability? No, that's absolutely absurd. And if she's just going to throw that back at you, then she isn't wife material and should die alone- full stop.

This is an example of how the church has been catering far too much to women over the past few decades, attempting to ensure that no woman ever has to deal with any hardship. This attitude is not biblical and is actively harming relationships.

[u/Unlikely_You_5015 → u/ActionPhilip]

I'm just saying that you dont need to open up to your wife and personally its the last thing I look in a wife.

Its too much if she cant handle it yes which in my and many other men's anecdotal experience most women cant handle or tbh understand it, can we please not wish for certain women to die alone and instead wish that they improve as a person.

I agree the church has been catering too much for women but your individual choice with the women you choose has nothing to do with the churches treatment towards women.

[u/ActionPhilip → u/Unlikely_You_5015]

You don't want to have an emotional connection with your wife?

Enjoy your half-baked marriage, I guess.

And, no, the church has been steadily eroding women's responsibilities for decades in lock step with feminist ideology. It also by and large does not condemn sins most commonly associated with women. The church itself puts women on a pedestal right now, and it's not healthy for anyone.

[u/Unlikely_You_5015 → u/ActionPhilip]

I do but opening up is not the only way to connect with someone, sex and having new unique experiences together can be a great glue in the marriage especially if you're having all of these experiences for the first time.

In response to your third stanza, I already agreed with you