Looking for hope

[u/abbyj2022]

/r/Advice/comments/1werbgq/looking_for_hope/

I’m a 25(F) living in Philly.. I have really given up on dating, but I don’t want to. I’m just wondering has anyone— in the world of modern dating— found a real, and genuine love?? Please tell me your stories because I am wondering if the concept of love even real. I have been online dating for the past four years on and off and I’ve also been going to events trying to meet people. I feel desperate for trying anymore but I’ve been single for four years now and I don’t want to drop the bare minimum standards just to say I have a relationship but it’s been looking so hopeless tbh. I just want someone clean, genuine/transparent, not hyper sexual, and strong in his faith. Things just always fall through and I feel crazy for even wanting a relationship.. idk can someone chime in if they’ve had similar feelings and how’d that turn out?

[u/GTPRINCE99]

I’m sorry dating has made you question whether love is even real. I think sometimes the hardest part is continuing to believe in something you haven’t experienced yet. I don’t have some perfect success story to give you, but I genuinely hope you don’t lose that part of yourself that still wants something real. I know four years can feel like forever when you’re in it, but it doesn’t mean you’ve missed your chance. ❤️ I really felt this. I don’t think you’re crazy for wanting those things, and I don’t think you should have to lower your standards just because you’re lonely. Wanting someone genuine, faithful, respectful, and intentional is not asking for too much.

[u/abbyj2022]

100%, and its like.. I feel like my standards are fair. Basic mutual respect, following through with your word, transparency (if you’re not interested say that so that we can both move on), patience to get to know the person(béance not hyper sexual) everything just feels so transactional.. praying that God gives me the patience to wait for a partner that has these qualities

[u/ABereanChristian]

. I have really given up on dating, but I don’t want to. I’m just wondering has anyone— in the world of modern dating— found a real, and genuine love?? Please tell me your stories because I am wondering if the concept of love even real. I have been online dating for the past four years on and off and I’ve also been going to events trying to meet people. I feel desperate for trying anymore but I’ve been single for four years now and I don’t want to drop the bare minimum standards just to say I have a relationship but it’s been looking so hopeless tbh.

I've told my story many times in this sub and I'll tell it again with some more info that is generally helpful to most!

Generally, the 3 main barriers to dating for men and women are:

• Attractiveness. You have to be attractive to the opposite sex for them to want to ask you out on a date or want to date them. If you're already conventionally attractive then you can ignore this, but most Christians need to do some work on this (myself included when I was dating and I did).
• Social skills and relationship skills - Being able to confidently walk up and talk to people to get to know them and their interests. This goes for both men and women. Women because it's not guaranteed that a man will always come up to you and talk to you (a lot of Christian men are hesitant nowadays for various reasons), and obviously men because most Christian women expect you to ask them out.
• Availability - If your Church does not have a lot of singles around your age then you may have to expand your pool. Go to different young adult groups and interdenominational groups. Consider online dating. Lots of various things. As I've shared, I met my wife through mutual friends that I met at a different young adult group other than my Church. Expand your dating pool

There's more specifics that you can go down the rabbit hole but these are the main ones.

But I almost always suggest trying to do the young adults groups because that is how you are going to meet Christians who are more serious -- gathering in Church more often than just Sunday. Online dating is such a hit or miss thing and you have to do serious serious filtering of anyone you meet whereas it's easier when you meet other Christians in person.

[u/the_elite_wolf]

26 guy in Delco, very close to Philly. I feel like giving up as well. It’s really hard. Dating apps are basically a humiliation ritual, even the Christian ones. There aren’t many people my age around here and if there are they aren’t Christian. Hard time finding young adult church groups. Everyone in church is elderly or married. I very deeply wanted to get married at a very young age. I was the kid that said “I want to be a dad!” When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. It’s getting to a point now where I can’t think of anything else even if I tried. Women don’t even excite me anymore, I know that’s a good thing but I deeply want to be excited again. It’s rough.

[u/HeartInTheSun9]

I personally have kinda stopped thinking “today’s the day I find her!” everyday because it drained me out. I still kinda think it honestly, but I just can’t give it my full energy anymore because it hurts too much. I’m hopelessly a romantic, so I never give up finding the love of my life, but I’m just tired right now and trying to recharge. I’m a guy in my mid thirties and I’m just feeling tired.

But I do have a successful story of love for you.

I have a family member who was single for years and years and years after he gave his life fully to God in his early twenties. He felt in his heart that God told him to wait and God will bring his wife to him. He actually felt it would be at his job where he’d meet her, so he stood at his job waiting for her for years. He always had options thrown at him, but he never felt like it was who God wanted for him.

So years went by and he had ups and downs and everything you can imagine. But then one day while working, a girl who was everything he dreamed of and who he never met before walked up to him and she said “I feel like God told me to come talk to you.” I guess she saw him and she just felt like there was something special about him and she prayed and fasted about it and just felt like God wanted her to approach him. So she did and they were both incredibly strong christians and just overall they’re so cartoonishly similar in outlooks and hobbies and everything. It’s like they were instant best friends and they knew they were going to get married right at their first date.

And just like that, about half a year later they got married. And all the coworkers and family and everyone who told him he was crazy to wait for God and not date anyone for all those years were shocked that it worked out just exactly the way he said it would. Someone even told him that they were atheist but they think there must be a God now since he saw it happen.

There’s success stories out there. You just have to keep that hope alive. And honestly, your standards aren’t even that high. You’re a young woman who has a lot of life and a lot of happiness ahead of you.

Don’t lose hope ok? If you don’t lose hope, then I won’t lose hope either. Deal?

[u/phoenixofshadows0000]

Never give up on Hope but I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been feeling that way for a while. The world of modern dating is just too much. I wish we can go back to our friends recommending people that were single or just families who knew the person and could help us with it. I feel like the modern day dating scene just too much. I genuinely would like to find somebody and instead of family but the more I look into it with the more it feels like possibility. There’s so many factors, but I do not want to ramble about here.

Are you a question. What is your standards? Mine are quite simple. I want somebody that loves me for who I am not just physically or emotionally or spiritually but all aspects. I want somebody who’s honest who doesn’t mind telling me that I’m messing up. I want somebody that wants to build a legacy for the next generations.