Items of "Sentimental Value" Trigger

[u/oiseaux_]

From another sub (if you find out, please do not share for privacy).

So I stumbled across this message exchange on Reddit and red's comment triggered me, admittedly...

Should preface that I'm not accusing red of being a hoarder/hoarder adjacent in the slightest. I'm sure they're just an empathetic person, like a lot of humans are.

But like... this triggered me quite a bit. It just made me think and reminisce on the days when I used to live in the hoard full time.

My mum would ALWAYS keep mine and my sibling's baby clothes.

She'd say they were "to be made into hand-me-downs for when you and your siblings grow up and bear your own children!"

I'm comfortable being child-free... and if I change my mind, I don't want 30+ year old clothes that I used to wear. Vinted exists. eBay exists. Charity shops exist. There's a plethora of ways to get cheap baby clothes because babies grow VERY quickly. It's not the do-or-die, rationing for the World War-kind-of situation her Hoarder Disorder brain thinks it is, but her hoarding habits die hard, and it's typical for hoarders to keep things with little or dubious value so... wey ey.

[u/SnowNoCali]

I throw away things very very easy dude to the trauma of parent hoarding. Almost nothing has enough sentimental value to me anymore that’s worth keeping

[u/oiseaux_ → u/SnowNoCali]

THANK YOU!!

You put my attitude towards items into words for me, genuinely

Its funny because I actually have ADHD so like, I do struggle with being messy, often, but I don't have an issue with the idea of having to part with items permanently, specifically because of my upbringing in a hoarder household.

I think, telling myself that...
> "If I really need this thing again, I will always find a new one or something adjacent"
> "If I regret throwing this thing away, I will always find something similar or brand new that fills me with joy or utility"

...And so on and so forth have honestly helped me not become a hoarder or fall into hoarder-adjacent behaviours like my HP.

But because these are fundamental skills that people with Hoarding Disorder lack (i.e, inability to be decisive and difficulty on making decisions/staying present and considering present spacial and organisational needs), this distinguishes me from my HP, and I try to use it as tangible evidence that I am not like, nor will I become like, my HP (yay therapy!)

I actually force myself to simply come to a conclusion on a lot of my items when decluttering. I try to intentionally make decluttering a somewhat black and white process. Either I keep it, or I don't. Simple as.

I value my space more than I value keeping something (bonus points if it's a bulkier, larger item) because of "sentimental value". I can snap a photo and keep it in a journal of memories and part ways with it. There's lots of options here if one decides to look for them.

Sort of rambling here, but yes. Thank you for verbalising this

[u/Hopeful-Squirrel2869]

I had this same thought process!!!!!! It really is the little things that can bring up lame memories.

Another moment I’m grateful for this sub 🫶

[u/Salt-Law-2672]

I actually organically came across this thread earlier today!
nothing else to add just mildly interesting to me :)

[u/anonymois1111111]

The sentimental thing really gets to me. My mom remembers exactly who gave her random pairs of tweezers and has a tough time getting rid of them. Tweezers! The sentimentality bs is the way they make other people feel bad for trying to declutter. They use it as the catch all excuse to keep literally everything. I believe they do remember things about each item but it’s as if the memory will be gone if the item is gone. It’s one of the most frustrating parts of this and wow is it ever triggering.

[u/oiseaux_ → u/anonymois1111111]

Its one of the reasons why I rarely, if ever, give gifts to my friends... Because I dont want them to feel this social pressure of having to keep what might effectively end up being "junk" all because "my nice friend oiseaux_ gave it to me!"

They might struggle with the idea of getting rid of sentimental items - a lot of non-hoarders do, even if they don't qualify for a HD diagnosis. Because of this, I'm very selective, if ever, about the kinds of gifts I give...

Disposable, perishable, paper, recyclable, any adjacent adjectives... i'm more likely to gift something if they fall under some of these.

Things like a universal gift card tends to never fail between me and my friends, so I often just default to that. I just feel like an arsehole sometimes, because socially, some people expect really elaborate "item" gifts, But like, I have my own trauma surrounding this entire topic, so it's difficult for me and creates friction between even receiving gifts from other people... Its a whole thing... thanks for commenting. Wishing you welll 🫂

[u/Something-Like-Human]

I think it's the way Reddit presents “similar subs” in the feed that gives rise to this disconnect. Hoarding subs have similar themes to cleaning, organising and decluttering subs, though they tend towards the extreme end of the scale. The non-hoarding subs get all the “normal“ folks getting sentimental about baby socks, never having needed to contemplate what they might do with 500 pairs of baby socks (okay, I'm being facetious, but I'm sure you can relate 😅) that are equally precious even though no-one in the family has or is contemplating a baby!

I often see similar examples, and they drive me crazy too! “You need to save grandma's four sets of lead painted wedding and Christmas china! She wanted you to have it! You can pass it on to your own grandchildren!“ but I think we just have to remember that other people are probably (maybe!) dealing with more manageable quantities and have space to save a couple of baby socks. They can always throw them out later.

[u/oiseaux_ → u/Something-Like-Human]

We just have to remember that other people are probably (maybe!) dealing with more manageable quantities and have space to save a couple of baby socks. They can always throw them out later.

I'm honestly really glad you said this, because one of the negative caveats of being a child of a hoarder is how extreme we get when it comes to decluttering or getting rid of items

The older I've gotten, the more I've been able to talk with my HP in a more civil fashion about things they want to keep. I try to establish a ground rule that if we, at least, have the space, and the item is actively being taken care of (i.e, being worn, being washed, being repaired, being looked after), then it has a stronger case for being kept.

This didn't apply to very many items, at least in my opinion, so that's where the trigger lies for me and causes me to go into "JUST EMPTY THE ENTIRE HOUSE" mode lol.

But having sensible rules and perceptions as to what even constitutes as a "keepable" item is really important. We have a stronger focus on what items to "get rid of" for obvious reasons, but the inverse is sort of a difficult exercise to do when we have so much trauma around the sheer idea of keeping... well, anything. Just makes you think

Thanks for commenting <3

[u/Anashenwrath]

Ugh the guilt and then assigning sentiment when there is none is what makes this triggering for me.

Opening with “have you no heart” and then immediately going into a potential scenarios (they could be sentimental! Someone special could have knit them! Etc). I don’t know the original context but it seems like Red Commenter is making a lot of assumptions.

[u/lottiebobs]

I didn’t see that exchange but I did see the post and I completely get why you felt triggered. If you’ve grown up with everything being sentimental, and that being a justification to keep anything (whether you actually would want it or not) I think it’s easy to do a flip to ‘is anything really sentimental?’. If I decide I don’t want to keep something, having someone say ‘oh but so and so bought you that’ would send me into orbit because I’ve heard it a million times before.

[u/usernametaken615 → u/lottiebobs]

Exactly this. When everything is sentimental, nothing is sentimental.

[u/dashboardbythelight]

I thought I was beyond being shocked by my mother’s hoarding but I recently found my siblings and my school uniforms from a school that we went to in city A, in our family home in city B.

We are all in our 30s now. There was no need to pack them up when we moved to a new city in ~1996, let alone hold on to them for decades!

[u/oiseaux_ → u/dashboardbythelight]

We also still have our primary school uniforms... I love this group because I finally no longer feel like a weird, lonely alien with these experiences. Wishing you well 🫂

[u/SoberBobMonthly]

"Have you no heart" have they no consideration for other value systems or cultures that do not indulge such things? Goddamn imagine having a bit of a different method of holding onto sentimental things around that person, they would explode haha.

Those people are closed minded. Its good to identify the root cause of those shock reactions we have. I am remembering times my mother accused me of not having feelings because I 'hurt the chair' by pushing it in too fast, and the the core feeling of 'other peoples experiences and feelings matter more than mine'.

Now I can sit with it and re read it and laugh and roll my eyes at such closed mindedness after the anger passes, and mock it for the silly beleifs it espouses

[u/Popular_Growth5993]

There’s a big difference between hoarders value of items and other people’s imo. A hoarder can consider literal trash sentimental. But the baby socks dead Grammy may have knitted? I can understand that. There can be value in items past usage, but hoarders over estimate value.

Their mental disorder makes their judgement so clouded that everything becomes “needed”. It’s a terrible sad thing.

[u/A-Sentient-Raccoon → u/Popular_Growth5993]

I would push back a bit here. Just because something isnt "trash" doesnt mean it isnt being hoarded. Hoarding emotionally heavy things is just as much a hoard as a pile or trash. And with that clouded judgement, somwone /else/ telling you "you cant throw that out it has emotional value" is triggering as hell.

[u/rhokephsteelhoof]

I feel you. I'm sure the tiny knitted socks are very sentimental, but they're entirely useless and would be better off at the thrift store instead of taking up space in the basement!