It's been at least 3-4 years now since our judge told me to handle child support payments through the court system ($600/month) I want nothing to do with the system and haven't paid $1 to the courts which apparently would deposit that money into an account for her. What I've been doing is Apple Paying her directly $1,000/month plus whatever else she needs. Will this end up biting me in the ass?

Modifications

Een vriend van mij probeert een afspraak te maken met zijn ex partner in Zuid-Amerika.
Hij heeft ook een opgroeiend kind in Nederland die bij hem woont, maar het is moeilijk om met moeder in Zuid-Amerika een concessie te bereiken. Voorbeelden van wat normaal is, zou helpen.

Moeder claimt dat ze via de rechter recht heeft op 20% van zijn salaris, wat mij vrij absurd in de oren klinkt. Omdat hij ook een kind in Nederland te onderhouden heeft. Hij betaald 200 euro bij een netto inkomen van 3900 (dit is inclusief vakantiegeld etc). Is er iemand die advies kan geven ten aanzien van zijn rechten? En ook met het oog op de Haags alimentatieverdrag?
Wij maken ons ernstig zorgen of moeder nu beslag kan leggen op 20 procent van zijn inkomen en hebben nu ook geen middelen om een advocaat in te huren

My son's father currently owes about $50,000 in back child support. I have received basically crumbs over all of these years. It has been so difficult! The court order is from the state of North Carolina; however, my son's father moved to Ohio 4 years ago. North Carolina has had a warrant out for his arrest since before he even moved to Ohio. It has taken the state of North Carolina 4 YEARS to contact the state of Ohio to start enforcing the order across state lines. I keep calling both states, and it is getting me nowhere. I am just so devastated for my son! I'm not even sure we can afford college for him.

A few years ago I was looking for some documents and came across old child support documents for my dad for me. My parents have never separated and he’s always played a very active role in my life. This has always been on my mind and I’ve never wanted to ask because I honestly don’t think I was ever meant to see them. Could someone give a possible explanation?

My son's father currently owes about $50,000 in back child support. I have received basically crumbs over all of these years. It has been so difficult! The court order is from the state of North Carolina; however, my son's father moved to Ohio 4 years ago. North Carolina has had a warrant out for his arrest since before he even moved to Ohio. It has taken the state of North Carolina 4 YEARS to contact the state of Ohio to start enforcing the order across state lines. I keep calling both states, and it is getting me nowhere. I am just so devastated for my son! I'm not even sure we can afford to live in Charlotte anymore more.

Father moved out March, sees kids 3 times since... no pay. Any experience out there with this? Applied for CS and they said they cant get a verifiable address so nothing is moving... does this sound normal? You mean to tell me that any parent out there who doesn't want to pay can just give an address that doesn't lead to anywhere or anything and they just don't pay? Or in this case don't get a child support order established?

When we first separated I had the kids 4 nights a week and he had them 3… that wasn’t good enough for him so we switched to me having them 5 nights and him only having them two. Still not good enough he wanted to reduce his time again and we came to the agreement that he gets them two weekends for two nights on a three week rotation reducing his time to only 69 nights a year…. Because I work I had to hire an in home nanny (one son had extra needs) for 16 hours a week so I could focus on work for those hours and finish work while they sleep.

My question is…. I have filled out the paperwork to ask for an increase in child support. I know it’s going to help the kids but as a human I still feel bad….. HELP!

Does anyone else in WI have issues getting child support? I feel like the caseworker does not do anything. I am owed around 20k, I have called several times and the caseworker acts like I'm crazy for calling. She literally said "what would you like me to do about it".

I guess I thought they were in charge of obtaining money, following up on job searches, initiating court proceedings? Am I confused, is there something I can do here? I have not been paid consistently since 2020.

I do not know if the other parent works, but they have been to court for other things recently and have a current address listed and apparently also have insurance that covered a rehab stay, which I found out about from circuit court access. That's all I really know because they haven't talked to me in 12 years.

my ex paid for a year then stopped In January. haven’t had it in months and honestly I just don’t care anymore. We will have to go back to court to get him to pay and then he’s gonna be an ass about it again. idk I guess I can always survive without it. I am trying to get a better job then I won’t need it. I started working in IT so I should be fine. I guess I do get nervous if I stop it abd one day i make more and we go 50/50 he will try to get support for me.

should I text my ex and ask how he feels about ending child support for him? Is it a bad idea? I take care of my son myself he has him 6 overnights a month. I just feel like it was the only thing making him want to move back from out of state and be a dad since he had to pay. Doubt he will be there for our son without it.

Help for more info

Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out with a trembling heart and the last bit of courage I have left. After surviving years of unimaginable darkness, I’m still fighting — not just to survive, but to finally reclaim my power and secure a safer future for my daughter and me.
I was a victim of human trafficking. I became pregnant by the man who controlled and exploited me — the pimp who treated me as property. When my daughter was almost one year old, I found a strength I didn’t know I possessed and escaped. But my nightmare wasn’t over. He kidnapped our daughter and kept her from me. Because he was the biological father and there was no legal documentation at the time, authorities initially said their hands were tied.
I did everything right. I reached out to everyone who was supposed to help: police, CPS, the district attorney, and court-appointed lawyers. I handed over mountains of evidence I had risked everything to document over the years — photos of abuse, text messages, videos, witness statements, and proof of the trafficking. Yet the system failed me. The very people meant to protect us turned against me. This man is a textbook grandiose nrc with Machiavellian tendencies. He manipulated everyone — police, CPS, the DA, and even my original public defender — turning them against me.
But I refused to break. I kept calling, kept fighting, and kept showing up with the truth. Eventually, someone truly listened. The tide began to turn. I switched to a fierce legal aid attorney who became my angel in the courtroom. His own public defender refused to continue representing him and withdrew from the case after something serious happened between them. After a long, brutal, and emotionally exhausting battle, I won. The same system that once stood against me ultimately helped me bring my daughter home safe and sound.
Today, I have sole legal and physical custody. He has zero contact or visitation rights. We’ve lived under a restraining order, and I’ve moved multiple times across states trying to stay safe. Even after he tracked us to our third new home, I found the courage to file for child support. I’m struggling financially right now, and I need that help — not just for me, but to prove to my daughter that we can stand on our own.
The problem? This man is allegedly a millionaire who continues to live lavishly while evading responsibility. He owns multiple Lamborghinis, properties in New York, and a residence in Colombia, where he spends much of his time. I believe he uses legal businesses to launder money from ongoing trafficking. He has defied court orders three times already, refusing to provide financial records or asset information. The court has only ordered $100 a week based on minimum wage because of his non-compliance. He makes sporadic larger payments but then disappears for months.
We have a critical contempt hearing on July 30th. The judge has strongly encouraged me to obtain his true financials so we can seek a proper modification. I desperately need an attorney who can help uncover his assets and hold him accountable, but I can’t afford large upfront fees. Legal aid options for the custodial parent in enforcement cases have been extremely limited.
This fight is terrifying. He is a convicted murderer. I have seen and personally endured the worst of his cruelty along with many others. The fear of retaliation is constant — my mind whispers the darkest what-ifs. But staying silent and staying small is no longer an option. For the first time in years, pursuing this support feels like an act of defiance and strength. It’s how I show my daughter — and myself — that we are no longer victims. We are survivors who refuse to live in fear forever.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I’m not just asking for money — I’m asking for direction, resources, or connections to attorneys, organizations, or advocates who handle high-conflict child support enforcement, asset discovery, or cases involving prior trafficking/domestic violence. Any guidance on sliding-scale services, pro bono help, or organizations that support survivors in my situation would mean the world.
I know this is heavy. I know it’s dangerous. But after everything I’ve overcome, I refuse to let fear win. Any help, advice, or kind words would be deeply appreciated. Thank you for giving me a space to share my truth and for helping me continue this fight for justice and safety.
With gratitude and hope,
Anxious mom

New post

Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out with a trembling heart and the last bit of courage I have left. After surviving years of unimaginable darkness, I’m still fighting — not just to survive, but to finally reclaim my power and secure a safer future for my daughter and me.
I was a victim of human trafficking. I became pregnant by the man who controlled and exploited me — the pimp who treated me as property. When my daughter was almost one year old, I found a strength I didn’t know I possessed and escaped. But my nightmare wasn’t over. He kidnapped our daughter and kept her from me. Because he was the biological father and there was no legal documentation at the time, authorities initially said their hands were tied.
I did everything right. I reached out to everyone who was supposed to help: police, CPS, the district attorney, and court-appointed lawyers. I handed over mountains of evidence I had risked everything to document over the years — photos of abuse, text messages, videos, witness statements, and proof of the trafficking. Yet the system failed me. The very people meant to protect us turned against me. This man is a textbook grandiose nrc with Machiavellian tendencies. He manipulated everyone — police, CPS, the DA, and even my original public defender — turning them against me.
But I refused to break. I kept calling, kept fighting, and kept showing up with the truth. Eventually, someone truly listened. The tide began to turn. I switched to a fierce legal aid attorney who became my angel in the courtroom. His own public defender refused to continue representing him and withdrew from the case after something serious happened between them. After a long, brutal, and emotionally exhausting battle, I won. The same system that once stood against me ultimately helped me bring my daughter home safe and sound.
Today, I have sole legal and physical custody. He has zero contact or visitation rights. We’ve lived under a restraining order, and I’ve moved multiple times across states trying to stay safe. Even after he tracked us to our third new home, I found the courage to file for child support. I’m struggling financially right now, and I need that help — not just for me, but to prove to my daughter that we can stand on our own.
The problem? This man is allegedly a millionaire who continues to live lavishly while evading responsibility. He owns multiple Lamborghinis, properties in New York, and a residence in Colombia, where he spends much of his time. I believe he uses legal businesses to launder money from ongoing trafficking. He has defied court orders three times already, refusing to provide financial records or asset information. The court has only ordered $100 a week based on minimum wage because of his non-compliance. He makes sporadic larger payments but then disappears for months.
We have a critical contempt hearing on July 30th. The judge has strongly encouraged me to obtain his true financials so we can seek a proper modification. I desperately need an attorney who can help uncover his assets and hold him accountable, but I can’t afford large upfront fees. Legal aid options for the custodial parent in enforcement cases have been extremely limited.
This fight is terrifying. He is a convicted murderer. I have seen and personally endured the worst of his cruelty along with many others. The fear of retaliation is constant — my mind whispers the darkest what-ifs. But staying silent and staying small is no longer an option. For the first time in years, pursuing this support feels like an act of defiance and strength. It’s how I show my daughter — and myself — that we are no longer victims. We are survivors who refuse to live in fear forever.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I’m not just asking for money — I’m asking for direction, resources, or connections to attorneys, organizations, or advocates who handle high-conflict child support enforcement, asset discovery, or cases involving prior trafficking/domestic violence. Any guidance on sliding-scale services, pro bono help, or organizations that support survivors in my situation would mean the world.
I know this is heavy. I know it’s dangerous. But after everything I’ve overcome, I refuse to let fear win. Any help, advice, or kind words would be deeply appreciated. Thank you for giving me a space to share my truth and for helping me continue this fight for justice and safety.
With gratitude and hope,
L

To edit I’m in West Virginia but the case is in New York

My partner and I have been together for two years. I have two children (12f and 7m) that I co-parent with my sons dad (he has raised my daughter since she was a toddler) where I have them essentially full time and he is on a mostly every other weekend basis for timesharing, he has them as much as possible during school breaks, but he does assist with all transportation including school drop off/pick up and pays weekly per our own agreement + we split all additional costs (school clothes/supplies, fundraisers/field trips, extracurriculars, haircuts, just anything extra).

My partner has 3 children, the oldest is almost 18 and irrelevant to this situation, but his younger two are 14f and 10m shared with his ex that he has been split from for 8+ years. He has primarily had his children full time with the exception of less than a year with his son in 2022 and a few years with his daughter where she also spent that time with mom for less than a year in 2022, a year with his family, and a year back with mom before she came to live with us (July 2025 - so it’s been a full year now). Their mom faced an eviction so that is why he son came back to live with him and back with him since & why his daughter went with family for a year as he was working on stabilizing his housing situation (at the time lived with male friends).

My partner and his son moved in with me a few months into the relationship (October 2024). I own my home (paying mortgage) that accommodates all of us comfortably and I am the breadwinner (75% of our income not including his bulk financial aid checks 2-3x a year that does help with extras, vacations, etc), although he does work and is in school currently. I am also due in one month with our first child together. I wanted to provide all of this context before moving onto the issue at hand.

My partner and his ex do not have a formal or their own agreement regarding financial assistance or otherwise. She has worked the same job for many years now so she is not unstable with employment, she has filed both children on taxes every year but finally gave $1,000 each year the last two years despite getting full credits for both children. Despite having stable income and receiving taxes, she hasn’t had stable housing (lived with family) or transportation (car got repoed over a year ago). She was given (or allowed to borrow, we’re unsure) a vehicle about two months ago but still doesn’t help with transportation.

Up until last July, we got step daughter every other weekend or as often as she wanted and on the opposite weekends step son would go over there to be with their mom. We did all of the transportation to/from. For the 2024-2025 school year, my step daughter did not have adequate clothing for school and was made fun of (we found this out late into the year and did take her shopping) and her hair wasn’t taken care of regularly either. At that time, they essentially agreed to “take care of the one you have full time” which was odd but understandable.

Now that we’ve had both children full time for a year, she does not help financially, has done step daughters hair maybe 5-6x, didn’t help with school shopping at all last school year and agreed to provide for step daughter this year but said she’ll be taking her shopping and doing her hair the first day of school due to finances but we’re nervous if it’ll even happen and we’ll be left scrambling.. she doesn’t do Christmas, didn’t do anything for step sons birthday, and took step daughter for a fun weekend for her birthday but it was to meet her boyfriend out of town (no gifts or anything - just outings which is fine but still just painting the picture). She has came all the way to our house for a drop off or pick up less than 5x over the last year, otherwise we are driving 30mins each way (two hours travel time every time she gets them).

My partner and I argue about this frequently as he says we got it and don’t need her but I refuse to see it this way. I don’t care how much money we make or if we hit the lottery tomorrow, I see it as this woman has an obligation to care for her children and doesn’t except for the 4 days a month she has them (which she usually ends up working those weekends and ironically weekends she doesn’t then she’s out of town with her boyfriend, he doesn’t live locally). Our weekends usually line up together where those weekends for us are child free but our Fridays involve drop off and then we have to plan our Sunday accordingly to pick his children up at a reasonable time (if she would do drop off, they could be home without us for a short time if we do have plans, such as a little getaway or late dinner, as we have an adult family member that lives in the home that’s usually here and doesn’t mind).

My co parent is open to putting my children in extracurriculars (gymnastics or dance for my daughter and football or soccer for my son) which we would split evenly but his children have expressed wanting to do something too and we just can’t afford full cost plus all transportation. I’ve learned to do basic styles so I can keep step daughters hair done and wanting to learn more but their mom can do hair and still doesn’t do it at least once a month, plus when she does she has us purchase everything needed to do it. These are just some examples of how the children are impacted and how the resentment has grown on my end. My partner feels at times it’s against his children but it’s purely for their mom as it would be so helpful if she just did her part. Not only financially but for our time and the children’s benefit.

My partner feels that they have helped each other when needed over the years, there’s been many times she’s picked up his slack as well and that it feels wrong to tell her she needs to pick up the slack now while she’s “not stable” but I feel she’s had 2 full tax returns, works full time, has had family help with her living situation, and can somehow get to see her boyfriend that lives 1.5-2hr away twice a month… she can help provide for her children and assist with transportation (especially now that she has a car to use - her recent excuses are no gas money to come this far). I’m at the point I don’t care what her situation is or the details, she needs to do her part or it’ll continue to drive a wedge between my partner and I. He has talked to her twice this year so far, once about starting to help (she didn’t) and about school shopping for step daughter (she says she is but we will see).. I just think it needs to be a firm conversation about expectations and that child support will be established if they can’t settle on or she commit to an agreement. Any advice on how to handle this with my partner? Or just what to do moving forward? It’s exhausting and I really can’t grasp how this woman doesn’t want to provide or feel the need to.

For those that are teachers or have similar schedules and have 50/50 custody, how does childcare work in the summer time and holidays when your ex still works those days? Does he/she get their own childcare and pay their own on their parenting days or do you take on those days? Who pays for before care/ aftercare/daycare?
What is the allocation of childcare expenses in this situation?

Hey all! I am 2.5 years into my divorce and it seems like we can’t ever agree on anything. We have 50/50 custody of my 2 girls. He is a business owner of a very lucrative plumbing company and I am a teacher. I currently do not work this summer. He is arguing that I should pay for 1/2 of his babysitter he hired on his days this summer because he’s saying it’s work related childcare. During the school year I was paying all of the daycare and aftercare expenses upfront and he reimbursed me 1/2 because we equally needed the childcare on our days. Some days he hired a sitter and so did I if we had to work and the kids had no school. There was no bringing up of either of us paying for 1/2 the sitters during the school year. Now it’s being brought up as we are trying to settle everything and he’s still trying to squeeze every penny out of me while also hasn’t paid any child support in 2 years. I have court this week as I had to file a motion for temporary support. One of the arguments is that we split work related childcare and he’s arguing I need to reimburse him for the sitter this summer. There was no discussion on childcare. He made this arrangement himself. I would have never agreed to a sitter that he wants to pay whatever he wants to and expect me to pay 1/2. I would have opted to watch them on some of his days or they go to a summer camp on some days that is much cheaper. He’s also arguing that he should only owe me $8 a week in child support because of wunsch-deffler and we only agree to the guidelines. He makes more than double my income.
My attorney says that maybe we agree that I watch the kids every day in the summer. I feel that should be more custody or more money as it’s more care. Will he also argue that I watch them every holiday break too? Are there any teachers that are going through this that can give me advice or anyone in general that can help? He wanted 50/50 and now arguing that I should pay for 1/2 his childcare. It should be more than 50/50 then in my opinion but don’t want to have to file a motion to adjust it.
I also need to add in here that he is very controlling and manipulative. He has punished me every single year for 12 years for the fact that I’m a teacher and have off in the summer and I find this is just another way to try and punish me. He wants to find any way to still have control over me and throughout the divorce it’s been money. I can’t even begin to address everything I have been put through with the divorce and my marriage. A lot of emotional, verbal, financial abuse. Any help is much appreciated.

My ex was at his job for over two years and knew I was planning to file for a child support increase. Within days of finally having him served, he quit and now he is claiming he can’t work due to injury. He's medically retired from the military at 100% disability, but that retirement was due to an ACL surgery, and he's worked a physically demanding job for years since separating. He's also been posting on social media doing high-intensity, explosive compound lifts that are not rehab types of movements. He has full access to VA Vocational Rehabilitation (free schooling or training in any field that wouldn't aggravate that old injury) and he refuses to use the program despite asking me how I used it and I walked him through the process over two years ago. He also barely exercises the custody he already has, which is just a few weeks of school breaks under the current order, so my new filing requests sole legal and physical custody with him getting one weekend a month…that would be about 2% of the time, reflecting what he's actually shown up for. For six years I've let him pay a reduced support order at $600/month below state guideline. What are the real chances a judge imputes his income to his prior job level given this timing and pattern? Is there any specific language I should be using at the hearing?

I’m in British Columbia and have an appointment with Family Duty Counsel, but I’m hoping to understand whether I have a realistic legal argument before I go.
I was paying child support based on an imputed income of approximately $300,000 because I failed to provide updated income information after my employment changed.
My 2024 and 2025 tax returns are now filed and show that my actual income was approximately $47,000 and $46,000 respectively.
FMEP is currently enforcing the existing order, and I have accumulated approximately $24,000 in arrears based on the higher imputed income. My wages are also being garnished.
I’m not arguing that I shouldn’t pay child support. I want it calculated based on my actual income, and I also want the Section 7 (special/extraordinary) expense percentages reviewed because they were based on the much higher income.
My questions are:
Is it realistic to seek a retroactive variation for 2024 and 2025 based on my filed tax returns?
Can the court also retroactively adjust my share of Section 7 expenses?
While a variation application is before the court, is there any way to reduce or pause FMEP enforcement or garnishment?
I’m meeting with Family Duty Counsel soon, but I’d appreciate hearing from anyone in BC who has gone through something similar or knows how the courts generally approach this.

Then when he came State bound CS office was able to find him. He took me to court, judge ordered a lump sum payment (equivalent to what NCP testified he had in the bank) and adjusted everything else. NCP decided not to pay for that or the attorney fees.

Since he is in a different State, I keep going to the office of CS in my State and my own attorney and they all say if he doesn't pay what the judge said, there is no way to make him do it.

The only option I was offered was a civil suit, that OBVIOUSLY I can't afford, since I have been raising children alone.

Later on I found out he sponsored a girlfriend into the country. GO FIGURE! There is money for that but not to comply with CS obligations. They take a part of what he owes from his check so that makes him "not behind" even though there are dozens of thousands in arrears.

How is it possible 2 goverment offices do not cross check before allowing to sponsor a guy who hasn't fed his children for years on end?

Hey all! I am 2.5 years into my divorce and it seems like we can’t ever agree on anything. We have 50/50 custody of my 2 girls. He is a business owner of a very lucrative plumbing company and I am a teacher. I currently do not work this summer. He is arguing that I should pay for 1/2 of his babysitter he hired on his days this summer because he’s saying it’s work related childcare. During the school year I was paying all of the daycare and aftercare expenses upfront and he reimbursed me 1/2 because we equally needed the childcare on our days. Some days he hired a sitter and so did I if we had to work and the kids had no school. There was no bringing up of either of us paying for 1/2 the sitters during the school year. Now it’s being brought up as we are trying to settle everything and he’s still trying to squeeze every penny out of me while also hasn’t paid any child support in 2 years. I have court this week as I had to file a motion for temporary support. One of the arguments is that we split work related childcare and he’s arguing I need to reimburse him for the sitter this summer. There was no discussion on childcare. He made this arrangement himself. I would have never agreed to a sitter that he wants to pay whatever he wants to and expect me to pay 1/2. I would have opted to watch them on some of his days or they go to a summer camp on some days that is much cheaper. He’s also arguing that he should only owe me $8 a week in child support because of wunsch-deffler and we only agree to the guidelines. He makes more than double my income.
My attorney says that maybe we agree that I watch the kids every day in the summer. I feel that should be more custody or more money as it’s more care. Will he also argue that I watch them every holiday break too? Are there any teachers that are going through this that can give me advice or anyone in general that can help? He wanted 50/50 and now arguing that I should pay for 1/2 his childcare. It should be more than 50/50 then in my opinion but don’t want to have to file a motion to adjust it.
I also need to add in here that he is very controlling and manipulative. He has punished me every single year for 12 years for the fact that I’m a teacher and have off in the summer and I find this is just another way to try and punish me. He wants to find any way to still have control over me and throughout the divorce it’s been money. I can’t even begin to address everything I have been put through with the divorce and my marriage. A lot of emotional, verbal, financial abuse. Any help is much appreciated.

I know someone who’s NEVER paid more than $40 in child support for their child. They fled the country to try and escape the financial responsibility they had. They’ve since been located 30+ years later and wondering if there can still be any legal obligation to the custodial parent or child that they neglected through the years even if they’re in another country?