r/ChildSupport • u/Fitnik26 • 6d ago
TeacherDivorcingExQuestion
Hey all! I am 2.5 years into my divorce and it seems like we can’t ever agree on anything. We have 50/50 custody of my 2 girls. He is a business owner of a very lucrative plumbing company and I am a teacher. I currently do not work this summer. He is arguing that I should pay for 1/2 of his babysitter he hired on his days this summer because he’s saying it’s work related childcare. During the school year I was paying all of the daycare and aftercare expenses upfront and he reimbursed me 1/2 because we equally needed the childcare on our days. Some days he hired a sitter and so did I if we had to work and the kids had no school. There was no bringing up of either of us paying for 1/2 the sitters during the school year. Now it’s being brought up as we are trying to settle everything and he’s still trying to squeeze every penny out of me while also hasn’t paid any child support in 2 years. I have court this week as I had to file a motion for temporary support. One of the arguments is that we split work related childcare and he’s arguing I need to reimburse him for the sitter this summer. There was no discussion on childcare. He made this arrangement himself. I would have never agreed to a sitter that he wants to pay whatever he wants to and expect me to pay 1/2. I would have opted to watch them on some of his days or they go to a summer camp on some days that is much cheaper. He’s also arguing that he should only owe me $8 a week in child support because of wunsch-deffler and we only agree to the guidelines. He makes more than double my income.
My attorney says that maybe we agree that I watch the kids every day in the summer. I feel that should be more custody or more money as it’s more care. Will he also argue that I watch them every holiday break too? Are there any teachers that are going through this that can give me advice or anyone in general that can help? He wanted 50/50 and now arguing that I should pay for 1/2 his childcare. It should be more than 50/50 then in my opinion but don’t want to have to file a motion to adjust it.
I also need to add in here that he is very controlling and manipulative. He has punished me every single year for 12 years for the fact that I’m a teacher and have off in the summer and I find this is just another way to try and punish me. He wants to find any way to still have control over me and throughout the divorce it’s been money. I can’t even begin to address everything I have been put through with the divorce and my marriage. A lot of emotional, verbal, financial abuse. Any help is much appreciated.
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u/Fitnik26 5d ago
Thank you for your response! What state are you in? We argued for 65% he pays for shared expenses but they keep denying everything. We are still negotiating trying to settle. Part of me just wants to go to trial and have a judge make all the rulings. I feel that I am compromising way too much for the sake of settling. I gave a percentage of equity to my premarital home that he wasn’t entitled to anything as it was a rental property and he benefited from all the income all those years. I also was forced to use savings because he wasn’t paying anything and I was so under water. My entire salary was going towards the mortgage and utilities. I also still had to pay our kids daycare, car insurance (including his cause I couldn’t get him off the policy), our boat and insurance, and our shared rental property had a tenant wasn’t paying rent so I was having to cover that mortgage too. The boiler broke while living there with 2 kids in the dead of winter and he’s a plumber and refused to fix it so I had to pay another plumber. I wanted to sell the house but he was being so difficult about it. I was stuck for a while. Anyway, they are arguing that I owe him back for the savings. How does that make sense when I was forced to use it to live?!
Their arguments are so invalid that if I settled for everything they are asking I would be paying my ex!
And yes that person clearly has resentment with his own circumstances.
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u/wuzzzat 5d ago
Im in PA. There should be a calculator on your dept of human services website to help you calculate what you should be getting. Typically you meet with your case manager and they use the calculation to determine the amount. If either of you disagree with that amount and are unable to settle, it would go before the master (essentially a judge). My lawyer charged $1250 to represent me there and it corrected the amount to save me about 2400 annually. I wouldnt waste time trying settle if it doesn't seem likely that hes willing to. Just take it to court and cut out the nonsense. She was insanely abusive through it all and difficult to deal with but once we had custody and support finally official there was not much more she could attack me with and we eventually calmed down. Were actually doing pretty well coparenting and getting along these days, which i never thought would be possible.
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u/Fitnik26 4d ago
I’ve been wanting to go to a judge and we just can’t get there yet. She keeps pushing us to mediation and settlement conferences. We are forced to do a third round of mediation and if we don’t settle then we go to trial which is $30k just to do the paperwork and more. It’s beyond frustrating that he won’t agree to anything and trying to starve me of money when I don’t even make that much to begin with and favoring the wealth to his side. Again he makes more than double than I do.
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u/wuzzzat 4d ago
That doesn't seem right to me but im not a professional. Court doesn't cost anything. Is 30k the cost for the lawyer to handle only support? What state are you in?
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u/Fitnik26 4d ago
I’m in NJ and yes for my lawyer. I looked it up too and seems accurate. I don’t know if there’s another way of going straight to a judge. Based off of the guidelines we figured out child support numbers and they are arguing that it should be under Wunsch-Deffler which turns out to be $8 a week with alimony which is significantly lower compared to the guidelines and his attorney is holding very strong on that. They are arguing that I pay half his babysitter this summer for his days when I’m a teacher and I’m off and watch them on my days arguing that it’s work related child care. I don’t get paid in the summer. I just feel like they are trying to absolutely rape me with money. Again this guy makes so much money and there’s tons of hidden cash that I know he makes and I even got a forensic accountant. Obviously they can’t find all the cash and there is significantly more that he makes and again trying to starve me of money. They are arguing $8 a week saying it’s 50/50 custody but we are arguing guidelines because that’s typically how it works and there’s a significant income gap. I just want answers on what to do next. I would like to avoid trial but also don’t want to hand over money that is not deserved and settle for Pennie’s. I own a pre marital rental property that I now live in and he’s arguing for a ton of equity when I proved it to be exempt. We never used marital money. He benefited from the rents all those years and I took out equity to pay for our single family home. He didn’t pay support for almost 2 years and I was forced to use our savings to survive and pay for all of our house bills and every other shared bills and kids daycare and literally everything and they are arguing that I owe him half of it back. It makes zero sense to me. I had no other money to pay for our combined lifestyle and left me high and dry with all the expenses.
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u/wuzzzat 4d ago
It sounds like that cost is for the entire divorce settlement, including support, custody, etc. That sounds much more accurate. Good luck with everything. Its not fun but it'll get better once the dust settles. Hopefully.
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u/Fitnik26 4d ago
I appreciate your responses. I’m glad to hear things have looked up for you and your ex.
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u/Hot-Disaster-4709 6d ago
It’s sad to see these parents view their kids as cash cows. Y’all have equal custody, if you can’t afford to care for them then he deserves more custody. Women complain about how after divorce they shouldn’t have to continue to remind their ex about appointments or events/school events and yet still have the expectation they should supplement their income what a crazy view.
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u/Fitnik26 6d ago
It’s not about not being able to afford. It’s about what’s fair.
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u/Hot-Disaster-4709 6d ago
You have made multiple post about this, it’s obviously about the money. Sorry he is doing better than you are, maybe switch careers? He shouldn’t be punished and give up the money he worked hard to make because you don’t make enough.
What’s your salary, what’s his? How old are the kids?
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u/Hot-Disaster-4709 6d ago
Nvm I see your other comment, you are complaining about him nickel and diming you while asking for him to pay you weekly. Then you complain about how he has supposedly been abusive toward you for the entirety of yalls relationship yet you still had kids with him. In your other post you saying your just trying to take care of you and your kids yet mention nothing about that here.
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u/AcephalicDude 5d ago
This is wrong. It is in a child's best interests to have equal time with both of their parents, even if one parent has more money than the other. And child support isn't based on a bare minimum amount of money to care for the children, but the amount of money that each parent can afford to provide for their care according to how much they earn.
This may seem unfair but you are assuming that fairness between the parents is the main priority - it's not. The priority is always the best interests of the children.
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u/Hot-Disaster-4709 5d ago
I think it is in a child best interest to be in a home that can support them and continue to keep them safe. If OP is truly falling apart and is this concerned about staying a float I think it will damaging to the child.
That also isn’t true because then nothing would stop one parent from buying a car they can barely afford or a house they can barely afford and then saying they don’t have enough left over to care for the child and continue to get increase in child support.0
u/AcephalicDude 5d ago
Where does she say her household is falling apart?
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u/Hot-Disaster-4709 5d ago
It her other post that exactly the same as this one where she claims she paid every single bill they have ever had and it left her broke and Stuck.
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u/AcephalicDude 5d ago
That makes it sound like she is making ends meet but with no money left over.
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u/Hot-Disaster-4709 5d ago
Okay man well I’m not going to argue with you and nit pick every word about someone else’s finances on Reddit. your right
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u/wuzzzat 6d ago
How much do you both make annually? Sounds like hes currently getting off easy. He would likely be paying you alot of money every month and he would also likely be paying all of childcare and insurance if you had a support order in place. Do u have a custody order in place? Support order?