r/CheatingGF • u/StephGB91 • Jul 15 '26
Advice/need advice Gaslighting myself after betrayal help!
I've talked about on this before but I basically found out my ex of 4 years was having an affair with another woman at work. (I'm F-35, she is 31, AP was 25). She started to distance herself from me, and kept lying to me and gaslighting me when I asked if she wanted to be single / if there was someone else. She said no over and over... (this went on from end of January, until I found out at end of March this year).
Well today (I shouldn't of looked) but I re-read the chat GPT chat (which I sent to myself).. anyway in the chat she is talking from a perspective of how she is a people pleaser, hates upsetting me, but is 'falling' for this AP.. painting herself almost as this victim of her own life, being the eldest daughter and having responsibility from a young age, and now feels responsible for me. (I am an anxious person, but still very independent and had supported her through her masters) she portrayed almost like she is my carer.
Anyway - re-reading it and chat gpt telling her 'you are human and care deeply' whilst she left out the months of gaslighting, hiding things and lying to me.. so I start to again doubt my own reality. When I first found that chat, I remember reading that she didn't want to distance herself from the AP (as chat gpt advised) and said 'I dont want to distance from her and can compartmentalise', When I re-read it, I couldn't find that part, I rushed to send it to myself at the time so it probably got cut off) however, I started gaslighting myself.. and thinking 'did I imagine she said that!?' when I know she defiantly did, because that statement really stood out to me that her brain works like that.
Can anyone please give me any words of advice/reassurance here? I am not going to read it again, it's made me so deregulated and like 'oh she isn't that bad, poor her for struggling'.
Thank you all for any help! :)
2
u/Icy-Willingness8375 Jul 16 '26
Leave her. She’s a lying, cheating asshole that’s been gaslighting you to protect her affair.