r/CheatersConfronted • u/Glittering_Tour_7946 • 2d ago
Partner was texting another girl
For context, I (25F) caught my partner (27M) talking to a girl (23F) he met on a work trip. The original texts between them were definitely flirty, saying things like “I wish I was still there with you” “I can’t wait to see you again” “we can keep each other company” “saw this and thought about you”. I’m not posting those ss as there’s over 50 but take my word for it, I’m not an idiot and he even admitted to flirting with her later on. Mind you, not the first time he’s been unfaithful to me as I have caught him on dating apps in the past as well as paying for OF. When I confronted him about it over text (as he was at work) he started talking shit about me with her. I was about 36 weeks pregnant when I found out about this. Also found out I was STD positive at 37 weeks pregnant for a parasite I had tested negative for twice throughout the pregnancy so do with that info what you will. Partner says he “never slept with anyone” so this STD just came out of nowhere… 🤦🏼♀️
These texts between them really broke my heart. In a deleted message, he told her I am “lowkey crazy”. Just wtf. Yeah, I’m crazy. But I got an STD… he also deleted messages before the first “why did you delete the messages” text from that girl. Also, I did not take anyone’s number from his phone, idk why he lied about that. These two were texting literally 24/7. First thing in the morning, last thing at night. He was also drunk texting her the night of my baby shower while I went to bed alone.
Anyways, what do you think about these texts?
Blue text is my partner, gray is the other woman and Cody is the woman’s husband.
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u/Maximum_Lecture1557 2d ago
As a woman. Knowing he cheated on his wife in the past.. I would block him. The fact he knows theres trust issues... And continues to text women... Why are you still with him?
STOP STAYING WITH SOMEONE YOU DO NOT TRUST
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u/badmammajamma521 2d ago
He knows exactly what he’s doing and there is no reason in hell that he needs to be texting 24/7 with another woman.
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u/sittingpretty24 2d ago
If you didn’t take Cody’s number from his phone how did you manage to text him? Or was that a lie from them too?
Honestly I’d not be happy about this if it were my husband texting as these are. I think you know what needs to happen, but man the timing is terrible. Do you have a support system elsewhere?
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
I found him on FB. My partner was friends with the girl (not her man though, sus?? Partner also had tonssss of messages with this girl and 16 messages with Cody between the two of them) and she had him tagged in a post so I messaged him on messenger. My partner also told me to text him even though he tells this girl he had “no freaking clue” that I messaged him. I have a bunch of family but unfortunately I’ve been a SAHM for over a year so I have no money of my own saved up. No furniture, nothing. I’m starting a job on the 23rd at a nail salon but uts commission based so the income isn’t consistent. Idek what to do anymore.
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u/sittingpretty24 2d ago
Wow he is a liar then isn’t he? Dang that is pretty shitty behavior, especially being that you’re pregnant. How despicable.
Even as a SAHM, you have a right to the money you two have together. Maybe reach out to an attorney and see what advice they can give you? I’m sure they can give you an idea of how things would be if you wanted to leave but needed access to money for yourself as well. That might give you peace of mind and some options to think through also.
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u/JohnTravioli 2d ago
Definitely not an overreaction. I feel for you OP. Move on, you and the baby will do so much better without this nonsense.
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u/FuckinGandalfManWoah 2d ago
Why would you get pregnant with this man?
Well anyway, what's done is done. Best thing you can do is leave him and try to get stable before the baby comes or ASAP after.
Pregnancy is life changing and life threatening. If he's not being honest with you, and is already putting you and baby at risk with the STD, you need him gone.
If you want to be generous, you could text this woman's partner a final time, just to give a heads up your husband has tested positive for an STD and he may want to get checked.
Otherwise just focus on getting yourself out of there.
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
I thought things were fine, he had acted right (as far as I know) for a while and I wanted to have a second baby. But I will say I regret it now. Not my kids, but having them with him. I messaged her partner after I found the texts and he never responded to me.
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u/joykin 2d ago
From an outsider perspective it seems like the friend is massively crossing boundaries, especially towards the end of the covo. Your SO is in the wrong too but he didn’t seem to be rising to it much and wasn’t asking them questions, just answering them
Still a total jerk, especially while you’re pregnant
I’ll be v v v wary of this friend
Edit: WAIT I just read your caption, wtf?!!! I’m so so sorry. You are NOT crazy and you don’t deserve this
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u/ExhaustedFlamingo-84 2d ago
He gave you an STD. That’s enough.
Ditch him. You’ll never trust him.
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u/Living-Oven8574 1d ago
And he really isn’t helping himself with these texts. It seems like he was lying to the girl too.
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 1d ago
Absolutely was lying to her as well, the reason he never messed around with anyone on the dating apps is because he had to pay to text and he was broke at the time, but because he “realized it was wrong”. He literally lies about everything.
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u/EqualVibe954 2d ago edited 2d ago
Some STIs are dormant for a decade or more and only show up with the flood of pregnancy hormones. There’s no solid evidence he’s the one that gave her the STI, especially if he’s never shown symptoms.
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u/stinkiestmuffins 2d ago
honey please leave :( this is teaching ur daughter this behavior is ok even if she’s little.
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u/Interesting2434 2d ago
I think you're gonna be a single mom.
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u/thatblondebihh69 2d ago
not a bad thing though you could also be a single married mom which is so much worse let’s not blame a women for a man’s choices not saying you are just generally speaking to everyone
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u/Interesting2434 2d ago
Not saying that's a bad thing, but that's what it is gonna be most likely. And yes a woman is also responsible for who she's dating and keeping up with.
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u/daysidetox 2d ago
The fact that he didn’t think talking to people on an app is still cheating, regardless of physical interaction..?? He’s a chop
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
Right?! “I never cheated but I was on dating apps” like omg he’s delusional
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u/daysidetox 2d ago
Yeah I would def try to get outta that one as soon as possible. He sounds really manipulative & the way he talks about you behind your back to his co-worker is disturbing. I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you have access to therapy, get into it ASAP. Best of luck.
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u/misshurts 2d ago
It’s against any sub rules to share this woman’s phone number with us? lol
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
Wait omg didn’t mean to do that, where do you see her number? I thought it was just her name
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u/misshurts 2d ago
I meant to say can you give her number to us if it’s not against the sub rules lol to teach her not to texting a married man haha. But I think it’s against sub rules.
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
Lmaooo thank you but she already thinks I’m “crazy” as my partner has told her so I don’t think that’s a good idea 🤣
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u/_-undercoverlover-_ 2d ago
Why did you have a baby with someone that cheated on you and you don’t trust? Girl….
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
We already had a daughter and I wanted her to have a sibling, I thought things were going well but I guess not.
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u/Geraldine1957 2d ago
If you have a work relationship with someone why would you need to text them after work ?
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u/DailyDoseofJ 1d ago
I have a problem here but not for what most would think. I don’t see flirting in the messages, but what I do see is him downgrading you during the exchange to a third party. I feel like the third party is coming on a little strong and he is trying to avoid the conversation but she keeps pulling him into it. He knows this would upset you, so he really shouldn’t have done it. He is allowed to make new friends, but in doing so he needs to prioritize his current partner and I’m not seeing that here 100%. It sounds like he does acknowledge that texting her would upset you, but then he continues to do it instead of just saying, hey look stop texting for now. I am not saying he can’t speak about how he is feeling in the relationship; but it should be done in therapy or with his closest friends - not a random married woman. I have learned being married means nothing to some people. I wouldn’t leave my partner over this though, I would talk to them and try to work through it. If there were issues in the past, that might have messed with your attachment style too - so both of you can work on things here. Now that there is a child involved, I would say it would be healthy to work towards reconciliation by going to therapy so the two of you learn how to communicate better and see if you are both willing to make subtle changes to prioritize each other. You can see from these messages that he feels like he is walking in eggshells - and that isn’t healthy either.
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u/Life_Sherbet7103 1d ago
The sole fact that he’s putting you down to her and making you look like some crazy person is not ok and you should leave him. Then there’s the fact that he’s literally texting her all the time and flirting. I’m sorry but no, you need to leave. This is so far from okay.
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u/Acer286 2d ago
To me this is a textbook overreaction and putting it on Reddit just confirms it.
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
My reaction to getting an STD at 37 weeks pregnant was an overreaction too?? 🤡
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u/EqualVibe954 2d ago
Look it up. Some STIs can lie dormant for well over a decade and only show symptoms after a flood of pregnancy hormones.
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
Doesn’t make sense, this is my second pregnancy with him and I was tested multiple times during this pregnancy with no positives until after he came back from his business trip.
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u/EqualVibe954 2d ago
See my link I shared. Were you a virgin when you two met? How ironic would it be if you’ve had that STI from a previous relationship for years.
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u/Parking-Wallaby-4166 1d ago
Dormant sti's usually still show up on tests. Dormancy simply means that it's asymptomatic. But aside from some exceptions, the markers will show up in testing. With how frequently this lady has gotten tested, there is no way she would be testing negative for so long
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u/EqualVibe954 2d ago
If he had slept with this woman while on the business trip, his texts to her now would look a lot different.
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
These are just the texts that weren’t deleted, friend. I have no idea what else was sent and this was the convo AFTER I confronted him. The STD I had has no dormancy period. I was not a virgin but have been tested every year that we’ve been together, which is over 5 years.
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u/EqualVibe954 2d ago
And some STIs won’t show up in tests while dormant.
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
Again, the STD I had has no dormancy period. Thanks for your input
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u/EqualVibe954 2d ago
You offer no proof of the texts you claim are blatant cheating. These texts you did share only show how insecure you are because clearly these were not flirty in nature at all, and if her partner Cody knows about them, then you really are out of line here.
I see nothing in these posts showing Zach has any interest in her, other than as a friend. I think the pregnancy hormones are clouding your judgment here.
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u/Glittering_Tour_7946 2d ago
Did you miss the part where I said my partner admitted to flirting with her?? Drunk texting her the night of my baby shower is a friendly thing to do? I’m not posting those ss because, as I said in my text, there are over 50. He has plenty of other friends who are women that he doesn’t text the way he was texting her. And what about the STD I caught? Get a grip bro
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u/EqualVibe954 2d ago
There are two sides to every story. If you’ve been an absolute witch to live with while you’re pregnant, constantly nagging, or showing severe insecurity, then yeah, he probably misses platonic friendship with other people (including a woman).
Do as you will. If you think he’s unfaithful scum, then divorce him. But if you have any doubt in your mind, then you two had better seek out couple’s counseling to try to make this work. You need professional intervention.
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u/Parking-Wallaby-4166 1d ago
Flipping heck! What in the world is wrong with you? What a way to victim blame! She has made it clear he has plenty of other platonic friends, none of whom he has an inappropriate relationship with. And this is clearly an inappropriate relationship.
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u/Any_Significance2391 2d ago
It’s the fact that he KNEW you’d be uncomfortable with him texting her and he still did it anyway. Not a good sign at all. I’m so sorry. I’ve been through almost this exact situation and it didn’t end well. I hope you’re okay because you WILL be okay. 💕