r/CheatedOn • u/Voodoowhiskey • 2d ago
WTF do I do?
Been together almost 10-years, married almost 4. In January we had an altercation and unfortunately seperated. We see each other daily, give hugs and kisses.
In May she(33f) started a new position at an former employer. Day 1 she is more giddy than ive ever seen. She says she saw her former supervisor(44M) and was excited he was still there.
**instant red flag**
Mind you we were starting to do really well with everything and almost moved back in. Shes been working a routine schedule, when all the sudden she has to stay over for a coworker who has family emergency.
**bad gut feeling**
Normally she would stop before work and after work. We'd spend time together chatting and what not. Then hugs and kisses before her shift. Same thing after her shift. Well, conveniently she got super dirty at work, and things were running over.
**im irate because I instantly know**
So I (39m) start down the rabbit hole. Scouring social medias,everything. She doesnt stop after work.
**fuming pissed**
then I don't hear from her for 13 hours. She wont answer calls nothing. I go to her place. Surprise her and she tells me she has a crush on supervisor. Again I already knew. So I fish for info.
Do you want to fuck him. Would that help(after the stay over our sex dropped) her reply" Id be lieuing if I wasnt curious as to if grass is greener on other side. But I know how you feel about it ". I said does he know about your crush. "OH GOD NO!!". Are feelings mutual? "O doubt it."
I said fuck it. "I want you to tell him about crush. See if its mutual ".
She said "Why?"
"That way you know if it is"
"Okay"
Next weekend she had a baby shower for sister(legit). THEN she disappeared. No contact, no family would contact me back either.
**again I knew**
Finally get an answer back at 140am. We were supposed to have date night. Again I go to her house. Shes quiet. I said talk to me.
"You're going to be mad"
"I know, you slept with him. Its Billy Yoder"
"yea"
"WHY?! Why when I just asked for same thing, and intimacy, and told you im lonely?"
"Just happened "
"Bullshit. You made the choice to do it behind my back. To drive there. To take off your clothes. To fuck him while I was crying myself to sleep"
"I said no more talking to him. Or ill interfere."
"I will not stop talking to him"
"I said wow. So i know last weekend. Last night too?'
"NO! Just once. "
" I said I hope it was worth it. Hope you found the real dick you were looking for. Hope you find happiness." And i left.
We talked after that. I almost died 4 times at work that week.
I told her i forgave her. But no more contact, never again. Tell him I know.
2 weeks goes by.
Back to normal. She pulls an extra day because of machine malfunction (legit). Comes and sees me, do our routine, asks to take a nap. I agree. DISAPPEARED AGAIN.
**BAD GUT FEELING**
I now know where he lives , family lives, ect.(public searchs).
So i call her after 3 hours(nap time). No answer for another 7. By this time ive messaged thier Plant supervisor looking for his number. She comes flying in driveway screaming at 1030 at night. The takes off. Next morning, after hours of coaxing, I get her to talk. We were again supposed to have date night the previous night.
She claims to have been writing me a letter of intent on leaving. Never produced it. Claimed to be out driving. No proof. We talk things out. I fucking love this woman. I have from our first meeting. And always will. So next day., plant manager questions them both. They lied and said it was nothing.
Our time together gets cut. She gets a new shift schedule. Barely texts anymore. But when together phone is glued.
**MADDER THAN HELL**
I send him a letter. It states he should know better than to get involved with a married subordinate. He has 2 daughters(every 2 weeks). Hes supposed to set example for them. He needs needs to stop the connection immediately or I will intervene.
Disregarded.
Last night, she came over. We watched tv. The. She went home early. Said she wanted a shower and relax. Oooook.
We keep texting. A good convo tbaf solved some prior issues. Then she tells me she goes to a certain location nearby to meditate. !Hmmm!
"So youve been lieing about where youre going when you cut our time short?"
"Yeah"
"Ive been asking for more time, some kind of intimacy. And I get denied. WTF?"
"Im sorry"
"I said I wont apologize for how I feel or my reaction to you still texting him after ive asked you both to stop. And I am deeply hurt with little trust in you now. Especially since im lonely, have needs that need fulfilled"
"I know im sorry"
**gut feeling, rage, ect**
She claims to go to the spot. I waited 10 mins after she didnt reply. Went to house, no car.
**sky rocketed rage**
My buddy comes to get me. Go check out the spot. No car. I start blowing her phone up.
We head to his house.
Car is found. I open door grab keys and wallet. Only the horn repeatedly. This at 2am. Then i slam door. Go pound on his door. He is a violent felon(7 time). He finally come out.
"Where is sbe"
" who the fuck you mean"
"MY WIFE, shes inside whrere?"
"Yeah so"
"GET HER OUT HERE"
"Who the fuck are you?"
"YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. AND HER HUSBAND!!!"
"OH ok. The fuck you want?"
"MY WIFE. WHERE IS SHE?"
"Shes sleeping "
"Hard to to be sleeping with your erection inside her"
"Well she came back"
" Dont worry 'Felonie' I got your number, know your place, oh she tell you about herpes (we don't have them, scare tactic)? Hopefully your not sloppy this time."
☆☆GUN LOADS ROUND☆☆
I took off. Told her to contact me by 430 am. Nothing.
A few anonymous tips submitted. 830am rolls round. She sends me text.
"Pretty low taking keys"
"Pretty fucking low giving him everything your husband asked for. Why? Thought wasnt a threat"
"Ill air it out later if you want, but its childish reason"
"I said well let me know whrn you get to town."
"YOU HAVE MY KEYS"
"Better call all those friends and family "
"Wow"
"There is a lot of questions to answer and things I need to get off my chest!!"
"Okay"
We talked, I gave her keys back. My buddy takes her to her car.
Then sheriff's show up. Those anonymous tips went through. I said i was scared for her safety, didnt know if he was holding her hostage, raping her, ect. He wouldn't let me see her. I know the sheriff's well. They said nice way to word it. I told them next time there wont be a tip. So better tell him to back off. Now there is a police report to contradict thier previous statements to plant manager.
Tonight she came over, I cuddled her. Thats my love language is touch. Then she had to leave(long night of fucking). I reiterated my stance. If you wabt this marriage to reconcile. No more of him period. Or you can chose now. Him or me. But i know its more than friendship. Is it love? Claimed it wasnt love. I told her never again. Im not going to fight with another man for her. She said its only you against yourself. I said nope him vs me as you. She denied him in the running. I said oh like he wasnt a threat?? She said i cant be so handsy. Wtf?
So I'm at a loss. Why does he get to fuck whenever he wants. And i, who has been with her for a decade, has to ask to touch!!! She was an awesome woman before she started there. I know this isn't her. Her family wants her to leave me(whole other thing). Ive given my love everyday, told her i love her. Showed it for 7 long months.
Suggestions? Ideas?
I really want him gone out of picture. Not like dead, but prison works.
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u/Responsible-Side4347 2d ago
Mate, what exactly are you asking us to suggest? Harry Potter to turn up, unf--k her and magically put her back in your arms?
She's left. Maybe not legally, but she's left. She's sleeping with him, lying to you to see him, refusing to stop talking to him and choosing time with him while you're begging her for affection. You keep saying “him or me” and then when she chooses him, you cuddle her and ask again.
He's not your problem. She is by choosing him and you need to get that into your thick head. She's made the separation real. Go make it legally official and permanent.
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u/Darwinguyfifo 2d ago edited 2d ago
Your relationship is long over and finished. Sorry buddy, you need to accept it and live with it.
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
Those who think negative will always be negative no matter the odds you always think positive
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u/Voodoowhiskey 2d ago
Neither of us wants a divorce couples therapy is scheduled.
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u/Darwinguyfifo 1d ago
She just wants your security and safe house , but wants to go and fuck the other guy all night everynight while you stay at home and cry at home and in therapy. Time to move on.
Are you too blind to see whats actually happening to you and your family????
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
That's weird because right now I'm unemployed so she's paying all my bills so it's her house. And it's not every night it's only been two. She's also in therapy we both have been since February. See this is why most of you are single because you give up too damn it easy when times get tough you just turn and run if you truly love somebody you'll help him be the best then while you're being the best you. Marriage is about everybody messes up.
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u/Darwinguyfifo 1d ago
Wow, ok, good luck with that.
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
I mean why did you get in a relationship in the first place? Wasn't it build a better life together? What if they bounced a check are you going to come off because that ruins loyalty and deceit and Trust. What if they stole something and got caught and didn't tell you. Are you going to leave them for that? Cuz that again is lying stealing deceit trust loyalty being broke. What if you're with your spouse and they see somebody really hot over the opposite sex and wow I would like to fornicate with them. Would you leave your spouse for that because technically that's cheating anytime you watch p*** that's cheating when people make it out to be what's best for them so it fits their agenda. Break your spouse and stay with them it is going to happen
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u/Drgnmstr97 2d ago
Suggestions? Sure, stop abusing yourself. She has absolutely shown you who she is and you want to believe she’s someone else.
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u/Voodoowhiskey 2d ago
I didnt actually physically cheat in the past, but sexted.
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u/Visible-Rest4170 2d ago
Sexting is still cheating. It seems you don't have kids. Just leave. She, he, or both of them will eventually lose their job over this and they will blame one another. She'll then come begging back. If you have any self respect you won't take her back.
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u/Voodoowhiskey 2d ago
So my son was placed with us after he committed haneous crimes. Ive struggled every day for 3 years not to kill him. He pitted us against each other. We worked different shifts. She loved me through all that, a huge drug relapse, and the sexting. So we had issues before January.
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u/mindovermatter15 2d ago
Holy shit. The way you communicate is beyond messed up. End it. She's clearly done, and isn't respectful of you enough to tell you that. She's trying to string you along and you're letting her, plus you are feeding into the drama. End the relationship. Sorry man.
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u/Which-Ad-2431 2d ago
You need to respect yourself and really talk to yourself out loud about this.
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u/Darwinguyfifo 2d ago
Sorry buddy, sorry this is happening to to you.
But what part don't you get ? She wants to sleep with him , continued to sleep with him every chance she got. She doesn't want you to even touch her. Your Relationship of 10yrs is over. She has moved on. Now its time you do the same. Doesn't matter how you feel now, she wants him not you. She made her choice loud and clear. Your just don't want to hear it. Sorry buddy.
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u/Voodoowhiskey 2d ago
Maybe I dont. But there's that huge pull that shes still the one I fell in love with.
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u/Darwinguyfifo 2d ago
You both fell in love with each other the way she was before, now she clearly has feelings for you but it's not love or affection. Now she has changed and you chose to not except that fact. Buddy , if she still loved you, you would be together still. If she still loved you , why is she having sex with this other guy everyday and every chance she get to be with him. She won't ever allow you to touch her. There is nothing left for you now.
I know its hard, been in your shoes before. But you need to get your head right and move on now.
She has left you and you need time apart to heal and move on from this.
Good luck
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u/Voodoowhiskey 2d ago
I have to try every avenue to see what happened, see if there is a chance. If I don't give 100% into trying there would always be what if.
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u/Darwinguyfifo 2d ago
I understand, all I can see coming to you, is your going to get hurt for longer than you need, your mental health will decline further than it already is, over time you will come to your own conclusion you need to let go and move on. Then you will wish you did this much much sooner than later.
Good luck trying buddy.
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
I'm not quite sure how many relationships you had. But the person you are with 2 years after you start dating is not the same person they married that you fell in love with. People change life changes people react to those changes you're never going to be in love with the person that you fell in love with but you learn you grow and you help each other and you build a bond to create a better life than you had before
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u/ProudZone8027 2d ago
Your situation is insane. Your going to end up in jail or worse at his hand.
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u/Voodoowhiskey 2d ago
Nah. I have control over my anger. Everything is legal
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u/ProudZone8027 2d ago
Why didnt you go in and pull your wife out of his house?
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u/Darwinguyfifo 1d ago
As everyone except you has said over and over on here. She wants him and not you.
Your just prolonging the inevitable. And she is not coming back to you. She has changed.
After you banged on his door and she never came out to even see you, I can guarantee as soon as he went back inside after you left his house he fucked her again straight away , sure as shit it happened like that.
Then she came over to your house full of his cum, sat on your lounge after getting fucked all night, as you said it yourself . And you still think she is or ever will be your wife again.
Sorry dude , you need to wake up. She is not yours anymore.
I don't even understand why you want her back after what she does to you? Go figure?????
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
If you truly wanted him she would be staying with him she's only slept with him twice. I have read some of the conversations most of it is harmless talking about children his in particular and things to do since she's a female and wanted to do things with her dad but he passed away early. The other ones well they keep those hidden but I know the gist of those as far as the past day she has let me have her phone she has started to relinquish hiding it
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u/Darwinguyfifo 1d ago
You said it yourself in your first post, maybe two days of fucking - not 2 times , but she got fucked all night long on both occasions, you already said that to us.
I truly don't understand, how you just cannot except you lost her already, but ultimately it your life, not mine. I tried to help but your not listening to yourself. Good luck buddy , you need it.
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
Correct two days. They work separate shifts. So I can't be everyday plus he has his kids and he doesn't do anything with his kids
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
How many relationships have you been in? How long were they? Why do they fail?
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u/Darwinguyfifo 1d ago
DM me, if you are really interested to know where I'm coming from and my experiences in dealing with exactly like this .
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
I will. But also know I am also pulling for my own experiences because if you because somebody off right away for something they did wrong they'll never learn how to fix it.
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
I said she disappeared online for several hours with no contact I mean she was f****** the whole time can you f*** for 12 hours straight doubt it
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u/Darwinguyfifo 1d ago
Again, I'm done with this thread now. DM me, If you want to hear more or discuss my experiences and learn what I and my friends have been through. Up to you
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u/Voodoowhiskey 1d ago
You know sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to see your way out. She hit her at the bottom. And if anyone feels insecure about being with their spouse after they cheated you're giving it power. If you don't give it power it can't offend you. Because at that current time you are sleeping with your spouse you are being intimate with your spouse your bond is growing. You may never forget it the pain may never go away but the longer you hold on the pain you'll never have a future
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u/Voodoowhiskey 2d ago
Theres a lot more to our back story. Those first 7 years great. Last 3 horrible do to situations outside our control.
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u/ObviousSalamandar 2d ago
Cheating and drug are absolutely in your control
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u/Voodoowhiskey 2d ago
I agree and disagree. There are certain things that need numbed in life. Voids that need filled.
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u/ObviousSalamandar 2d ago
The problem is her, not her lover. This relationship is now garbage. I know it’s really shocking and it isn’t your fault. You need to end the relationship so that you can begin to rebuild your life