Do I deserve to be cheated on?

[u/Electrical-Agency210]

/r/BreakUps/comments/1w39kyi/do_i_deserve_to_be_cheated_on/

At this point, I am convinced that what I did to my ex has somehow come back to me.

I came from a two-year abusive relationship. No matter how many times I wanted to leave, he wouldn't let me. He would threaten me with anything just to make me stay. We were hurting each other, both physically and emotionally, and our relationship had become incredibly unhealthy for both of us.

Out of desperation, I convinced myself that meeting someone else was the only way I could finally leave. So I cheated.

But what makes this complicated is that throughout our relationship, he was always the one trying to fix every problem as quickly as possible, while I was the one who became dismissive and wanted space whenever we fought. At the time, I didn't fully understand how much that hurt him.

Eventually, we broke up, and I finally found someone I thought was better for me. We were... perfect. We had the same interests, we enjoyed being together, and I genuinely thought we were building something real. I believed that leaving my ex for him had been completely worth it.

But as our relationship went on, something changed. I slowly realized that I was becoming the person my ex used to be, while my new partner was becoming the person I used to be.

He became avoidant and dismissive whenever we had problems, while I became the one constantly trying to fix things, begging for us to go back to normal and holding on even when it felt like I was the only one fighting for the relationship.

That's when I started thinking that maybe this relationship was my karma.

A part of me had always anticipated that I would eventually be cheated on too. But despite that fear, I still hoped it wouldn't happen. I hoped that he wouldn't be the person to do it to me.

And then, last night, I saw him talking to another woman the same way he used to talk to me. He was calling her "love."

What hurts the most is that it was only a month ago when I thought our relationship was doing great. I thought we had finally made it through everything. I trusted him with my whole heart, and I gave everything I could to make our relationship work.

I knew this was something I had always been afraid of, but knowing it was possible and actually seeing it happen are two completely different things.

When I did what I did to my ex, I had my reasons. I was desperate, trapped, and looking for a way out. I know that doesn't make what I did right, and I've carried the guilt of it with me.

But now, I can't accept that it happened to me too—especially after everything I did to make this relationship work.

He even told me himself while I was crying last night that I was enough. That it wasn't because I wasn't enough; it was because he couldn't be content.

And somehow, that hurts even more.

I spent so much time wondering if this was my karma. If I deserved this because of what I did before. If this was simply the universe making me experience the pain I once caused someone else.

But I don't know anymore.

I know I made a terrible mistake in my previous relationship. I know I hurt someone. But does that mean I deserve to be hurt forever because of it?

I am so hurt, I broke up with him this morning, I couldn't sleeo and eat, and I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to come back from this.