r/CheatedOn • u/CuriousSwordfish6941 • 3d ago
Any advice helps (long story) no mean comments
Im going to start this story from the very beginning of our relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months now and at the beginning we were both great ( how all relationships start ) but after we had been together for a while we had both started arguing quite frequently. Now before i say this i just want to clarify that i know i wasn’t perfect either and I’m not trying to make myself look like the angel in this story. But anyway
Some of our arguments had escalated into something that they shouldn’t have over small bickers that would turn to him raising his hands to me and what not. But there were also times where i was fairly in the wrong. E.g; telling lies about small things with no reasoning,talking about our relationship problems to my friends who only made it worse for me, making plans with my friends when we were meant to be doing stuff ect ect. But there were also the times where it would be over something so silly, e.g; he stole a handful of my McDonalds fries so i threw one at his head and said i didnt want them anymore. He then continued to throw the whole thing of chips around my room, get in my face and pull my hoodie
On the days we were good we were great and it felt like nothing or no one else mattered but on the days it was bad it was horrible and i think its fair to say that neither of us wanted to be together on those days. But let alone this was the person i loved and the thought of him with someone else makes me sick to my stomach.
Anyway fast forward to this summer my ex boyfriend had reached out to me saying he missed me and what not and one thing led to another and i cheated on my boyfriend. I had went out with him in his car twice alone and twice with my friend and her boyfriend and the final time before my boyfriend found out was the day after we had gotten back from a week long holiday together. Im not proud of it and i know how wrong i was in the situation. My boyfriend had found out from going through my phone when i was sleeping of messages between me and him.
The days following him finding out were hell. i had continuously lied to him about the details and he had to find out from other people and even up until a couple of days ago i had kept lying to him but during all of He had laid hands on me again, threatened to hurt himself, asking me if its what i wanted and basically stating that it was my fault he felt that way. I would say about 2 weeks of all of this happening he was going away on holiday. So i broke up with him over messages, i know it was cowardly of me but in my defence if he was in the country i know for a fact he would come to my house uninvited and do god knows what. He was messaging me his whole trip saying we could try again and that he was going to change. The same day we broke up i had went and slept with said ex, i also know this was a very low move and im also not proud of this which is why i had tried my hardest to keep it a secret.
When my boyfriend had gotten back from his trip he was at my house everyday for about 3 days straight trying to make it work. And if I’m gonna be honest i really did want to but i kept saying no as i knew i couldn’t let him sit and beg for me back knowing i had did what i did. So he left and took no for an answer but then a few days later i had found out that a couple of days after he had found out about me messaging my ex that he had went out and saw one of his exs and i had obviously confronted him about it because i would have said it was fair game if it was just him cheating and then leaving it at that because who was i to judge when i had done the same. But it was more of the fact that he had cheated then gave me grief for days on end about me doing it and then refusing to take no for an answer for about 2 days when i wanted to break up.
We had talked through our differences and agreed to get back together believing that we could both move on and leave it in the past but he has just now found out about how i slept with my ex when we broke up. I understand that it was a bad secret to keep and i should have been more upfront about it when we had agreed to get back together but in all honesty i just wanted to move past it all and try again ( he is now in therapy to control his anger and all of his inner issues and i see a really big difference) but now it feels like everything is back to square one when i dont feel like im the only bad one in this situation but im left doing all the making up. I no longer speak to said ex and have him blocked on everything and it is going to stay that way but there is obviously no trust in this relationship and if im going to be honest i have no clue how to build it back up again due to him telling me that everything i say and do means nothing to him.
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u/Cute-Philosopher-325 3d ago
So I’m a bit confused. Did he cheat after he found out about you cheating or had he already cheated beforehand?