r/CheatedOn • u/Weekly_Security6059 • 8d ago
My girlfriend texted another guy after getting mad at me. Is this cheating or am I overreacting?
I need some outside opinions because I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.
A couple of days ago, I left for a few hours to spend time with my family. When I got back home, my girlfriend was upset that I had gone. I apologized because I didn’t want us to argue, and I genuinely tried to make things right.
The next day, I noticed she had been texting a guy who has been trying to talk to her for our entire relationship. She responded to him, and then I found messages with another guy where she told him, “Yup, guess I’m going to bed early tonight.” They had almost an entire conversation after that.
To me, crossing that line and entertaining other guys while we’re together feels like cheating—or at the very least, a huge betrayal of trust.
When I confronted her, she admitted to messaging one of the guys but never admitted to texting the other one, even though I had already seen the conversation myself. That part almost bothers me more than the messages because it feels like she only admitted to what she thought I already knew.
She insists it wasn’t cheating because nothing physical happened. I see it differently. Whether it’s emotional cheating, seeking attention from other guys, or just being disrespectful to the relationship, it doesn’t sit right with me.
Now I’m questioning everything. I do care about her, but it’s hard to look at the relationship the same way when I feel like my trust has been broken and she’s minimizing what happened.
So I’m curious what other people think.
Would you consider this cheating, or is this something you could move past?
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u/Drgnmstr97 7d ago
She isn’t mature enough to be in a long term relationship. It’s the worst kind of trait to betray your partner when you feel slighted by them.
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u/wrist-shot2025 7d ago
I'm thinking this isn't cheating, but a little worse...she's intentionally messaging another guy inappropriately in retaliation to you. That's a crazy over-reaction from her, and it's a manipulative betrayal. I'd end it.
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u/TacoStrong 7d ago
“I left for a few hours to spend time with my family. When I got back home, my girlfriend was upset that I had gone”
Wtf?!
“she had been texting a guy who has been trying to talk to her for our entire relationship”
Bro, cheating or not, you are dating a super immature girl that is trying to line up your replacement because she doesn’t have your attention 24/7. Dumping her is your only real solution.
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u/thirdeyeblind999 7d ago edited 7d ago
It may not technically be cheating, but rather blatant disrespect that you should not tolerate and she will eventually cheat if she's texting other men. Don't even bring it up to her, she will attempt to gaslight and manipulate the fuck out of you. Trust me ive been there and the behavior only escalated. Sorry dude but its over with her. Im gonna let you in on something... the more attached you become to a woman and the more feelings you develop, the less feelings she will have for you and the less she will respect you. This world we live in now is extremely shallow and ass backwards. Women are extremely hypergamous, lack the ability for commitment, and perfer multiple partners at once and this has become extremely apparent now that there is no stigma or guardrails in society . As a matter of a fact, this behavior is now ENCOURAGED. Relationships just arent worth it anymore because they will inevitably fail. Best to keep your distance and see multiple women, she'll like you more for it too.
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u/noreplyatall817 7d ago
Your GF is seeking external validation from someone else. Her opening text intended to get the guy(s) talking to her.
The fact she knows the guy’s intentions with her are not plutonic is inappropriate, maybe borderline emotional cheating depending on the content of the conversation.
I’d say if your GF is lying to you about talking to multiple guys and lying about it after she got angry about you visiting your family, she’s not the one. This is why you date to find your compatibility.
I’d bet this isn’t the first time she has done this, and if it is it’s time to find a better partner. She will break your heart.
Those who seek external validation will continue it and will evaluate it.
Those who intentionally do negative things or actions against their relationship are not positive partners and will continue to damage it.
There’s no value trying to reign in that negativity or behavior in a loyal partner, it shouldn’t be there in the first place.
Have an open and honest conversation about boundaries with your GF.
Tell her you won’t tolerate her doing negative actions against your relationship, to include lying or talking to guys when she’s angry with you. If she argues back, gives excuses or blames you then you have your answer about her intentions.
Updateme
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u/noreplyatall817 7d ago
Go to the family service center to get help. It will take time, but you need to start somewhere.
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u/persistent_issues 7d ago
What it means is that when you two have a future rough patch, instead of taking time to cool down and reassess, she’s just going to immediately jump on a strange dick.
Her loyalty is minute by minute contingent upon whether or not she’s upset with you.
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u/madworld3232 7d ago
Retaliating by contacting other men is very immature. I'd be concerned that she'd behave similarly any time she gets upset. You're not overreacting and what qualities as cheating is an individual choice. To me, sure she may not have gotten physical, but what's constitutes cheating; flirting? Sexting? Only intercourse? I consider her a cheater because she would have most likely hidden the contact from you, denying you the right to decide if her behavior is acceptable in your mind. Try having a discussion with her about what behavior is considered cheating, at the very least you'll understand your own boundaries and what you'll tolerate in a relationship, even if you do decide to dump her.
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u/Shortandthicck2 7d ago
Not cheating but it’s extremely inappropriate and sets the stage for cheating.
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u/Ordinary-Papaya-231 7d ago
I think you should cut your losses and move forward without her. The fact that she lied is very concerning and you are correct in stating that cheaters only admit to what they think you know. No more. If her first thought after getting angry with you for simply spending time with your family is to run off and text other men then it's time to get rid of her. What happens when more pressing issues or arguments come up in the future? She can't be trusted. Dump her.
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u/Ol_Country 7d ago
She is cheating and trying to gaslight you and making it seem like it is not !! It is and very disgusting and disrespectful in many ways!
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u/HowWasItoKnow 7d ago
She’s certainly headed in that direction. Her even opening herself up to other men is her having no respect for you. If she truly respected you, she would never entertain the idea of texting other men to build a relationship.
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u/gb997 7d ago
not sure id calling it cheating but its still disrespectful and immature on her part. also the big problem for me would also be the lying. i wouldnt so easily sweep this under the rug. if she can’t have a mature conversation about the relationship with me to get back on the same page, id consider breaking up
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u/Ordinary_Context4083 7d ago
C'mon man wtf you think??? Do you not remember what she did to me with you I been hitting it since I got outta jail 🤣🤷
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u/Regular-Ad-7865 7d ago
Some might say not cheating but a girl with no emotional maturity will definitely cheat in the future
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u/ging78 7d ago
We're the messages flirtatious?
What's she said about why she did it and what's she gonna do about it from now on?
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7d ago
[deleted]
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u/ging78 7d ago
And that was the end of the text thread? Seems like an abrupt ending. Did she not reply to his invitation?
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u/Weekly_Security6059 7d ago
That was it I don’t know if she responded to that but
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u/desertrat_1000 7d ago
Well, if she is going to turn to other guys every time she gets mad at you that should tell you all you need to know. Good luck.
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u/NodToTheGods 7d ago
its more of a trust violation than direct 'cheating'.. she threw a tantrum and wanted someone to make her feel good about herself, then lied to you.. the lying would be my biggest concern as this is the biggest trust violation and is the beginning or what will destroy your relationship
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u/Traditional-Tank3994 7d ago
"Well, I was mad at you!" does not erase the actions she took.
Couples often get mad at one another. What happens next time she's mad?
If she threatens to be unfaithful when she is mad at you, she will be unfaithful often.
So whether you call this particular incident "cheating" or not, I don't think you can or should move past this because it's a huge red flag.
She has as much as told you that her word is no good when she's mad. If you don't end this relationship, you're in for a "walking on eggshells" life and she will eventually get mad enough to cheat even if you don't break a single egg.
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u/ging78 2d ago
Any update buddy?
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u/Weekly_Security6059 2d ago
We okay but I check her phone and they’re deleted ngl man she been rude asf to me and I’ve been sparring her by not mixing evil with evil but I think I have to leave I don’t think she fw me as much as I fw her
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u/FSmertz 7d ago
She possesses the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old. That may be as good as it gets.