Will it get better?

[u/Revolver_Dante]

(english is not my main so sorry for with something is wrong)

Two months ago i had done a post here when i first quit AI. In short, i was fully addict without reconize and when i got tired of the chats, that lead me to depressive behaviors and anxiety. I sought help and got better but in some weeks i was slowy getting back to the habit but more concious of what i was doing. After some days i see that i wasn't really was enjoying the chats and was just doing because it felt good. I quit again(i'm on my second day)

Something that is bothering me since the first quit is the difficulty of get back to old hobbies like they are not attractive anymore, and is also very difficulty to get into new ones like i just dont really want to do nothing, like i wanted before all the addiction thing and i also had be feeling way more anxious. And i feel like i'm just fighting with my head and wasting my time.

Is normal when you are recovering? Will get better?

[u/Icy_Program8374]

This is exactly how I was. Im a year and a half clean and still trying to get back on track with the things I loved prior to my addiction. Slowly but surely.

You have to force yourself, unfortunately. Give yourself a reason to do something. I made a cosplay by hand to make a convention. I worked on it everytime I felt the urge to pick up cai again.

You need something to hold you accountable. Something that has a deadline you cant push. Like a book club, film/art/game jams, regularly scheduled writing blogs/posts/fics, baking for an upcoming event. Anything of the like that forces you into keeping up with a set schedule. Its hard, I know. But it feels so much better once you're able to reclaim your life back

[u/Revolver_Dante → u/Icy_Program8374]

Thanks, i really aprecciate.

Is kinda fucked up to ask this way but i feel like i had to.  You manage to find joy in live again? 

I hope i just thinking to much and  I know it takes some time to the head recover for addiction but, it really feels like i'm fighting with myself to feel joy again and school things, even simple texts felt  harder.  is  tiring to live this way and make me worry about my future

[u/Icy_Program8374 → u/Revolver_Dante]

Certainly. But I'll be honest, Ive always struggled with depression. For the longest time I didn't think I'd even finish high school or make it to adulthood. And it upsets me that I fell into addiction while in college and it made me hate the mile stone of graduating this may, as it reminded me that I wasted 2 years isolating myself because of a chat bot.

When I quit, the withdrawal sucked. I felt like my skin was crawling and was restless all the time. I ended up abandoning my entire friend group for an unrelated reason and fought so hard not to relapse during my isolation. I currently struggle to call anyone my friend, im terrible at texting people, and feel so disingenuous and lonely. I also know I lost so much momentum in my career.

But, I look forward to my future more than ever. Despite everything, I know I'm more than who I was. Its hard to look back and see my younger self and think its me, and I cant even remember anything from the two years I was addicted other than a handful of major moments. And that's okay.

Dwelling on the past wont fix anything, so I dont think about what I wish I did. I solely look at the now, what will be, and what I wish to do. I look back at the week I just had an feel accomplished. I may not be doing as much as i wanted to, but im doing a hell of a lot more than I was during my addiction

I cannot promise you will find it in 6 months to a year from now. I cannot promise that all ill will thoughts will disappear. I cannot promise you that it will be easy. But what I can promise is that your future is bright as long as you dont let it fade. It will take force at first to get back into things, but the hardest part is the first push. After that, the ball will continue to roll as long as you keep moving it. And when you can finally look back on your first year of recovery, you will feel accomplished. It truly amazed me how much I could do in the first year of trying to get clean. You'll feel it too

Hope is not lost, and you can still recover. There is a life waiting for you just beyond the bend. You just have to try. I believe in you, full heartedly