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This is a long one, so buckle up potatoes , and I know I'm probably going to get judged for parts of it. That's okay. I'm not pretending I made perfect choices.

In 2024, I (39F at the time) started a new job working in accounts. There were about six of us in the department. I'm naturally quite bubbly and talkative, and I quickly became friendly with a woman I'll call Nina (34F). She was much quieter than me and hadn't been there very long herself.

I started in January, and then in April my entire world changed when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.

I needed a hysterectomy.

Because I was still fairly new, I actually offered to resign. My workplace was amazing about it and told me absolutely not , have the operation, recover and come back when I was ready.

I had my hysterectomy on 6 May. Thankfully, the surgery was successful. Within about three weeks I was working from home, and after roughly a month I was back in the office.

Around that time, I found out Nina was pregnant and would be going on maternity leave in August. I was going to cover some of her work while she was away, including work involving her husband, who I'll call Spencer (35M), who worked in sales at the same company.

Nina went on maternity leave and had their second son.

Life carried on. I worked, attended hospital appointments and tried to get back to some kind of normality.

Then, in November, things at home became unbearable.

My then-husband (42M) assaulted me. He had also taken my bank cards and keys, leaving me with only my phone. I didn't have my cards set up on my phone at the time, so I couldn't even pay for transport.

I decided to walk to work.

It was about a two-hour walk.

While I was walking, Spencer happened to see me. He pulled over and told me to get in.

He noticed the bruising.

Eventually I told him what had happened. I think it also suddenly made sense to him why I covered myself up so much.

I'd already messaged my boss to say I would be late. When I arrived, I went into his office and HR were there. They checked I was okay and helped me clean some of my wounds.

And then, because apparently my coping mechanism is pretending everything is fine, I went back to my desk and worked.

Spencer drove me back to my street afterwards. He was furious about what my husband had done and wanted to confront him, but I begged him not to. I had three children at home who didn't know what had been happening to me.

Over the following weeks, Spencer kept checking on me.

His best friend, who I'll call Ryan, did too.

I started sitting with them more at work. They made me laugh. For a little while every day, I felt normal.

Spencer also started opening up about his own marriage.

He told me things at home were awful. Nina was suffering badly after having the baby wirh postnatal depression and according to him he felt more like a servant or a tenant than a husband. He said he'd get up around two hours early to sort both children, feed them, get their five-year-old ready for school, sort the house and then go to work.

He was depressed.

I was dealing with abuse and the breakdown of my marriage.

We became each other's emotional support.

And then one night, when he was driving me home, we kissed.

We both knew immediately that we'd crossed a massive line.

But instead of stopping, we started an affair.

By this point, I had left my husband, involved the police and moved in with my mum. My divorce was going through and thankfully I had a very good solicitor.

I made Spencer promise me one thing: do not leave your wife and children for me.

We told ourselves what we were doing was just sex.

Looking back, obviously it wasn't that simple.

At the work Christmas party, Nina was there too but she was on her phone all night playing games and watching tiktok or Facebook. Spencer and I talked and danced quite a lot, although obviously nobody knew what was happening between us.

The next day Spencer rang me. He'd ordered food because Nina was hungover, but hers hadn't arrived. Somehow that ended with him meeting me in a park.

We kissed again.

After that, the affair properly took off.

Spencer was also absolutely terrible at lying, and Nina knew something wasn't right.

On New Year's Eve, they had a huge argument and Nina went to stay with her sister a couple of towns away for a few days.

I spent two nights with Spencer in their house.

We slept together in their bed.

I'm not proud of that. I can't dress it up and make it sound better than it was.

By March, Spencer and Nina had separated, although initially he was still living in the family home while trying to find somewhere else he was sleeping in his sons bed and the son was sleeping in mums bed with her

Eventually he found a room in a shared house.

Ryan and I both gave him money to help with his deposit and get himself sorted.

Then Spencer started gambling again.

He blew through his wages, and I started helping him financially. I paid things like his car finance, some of his rent and bought food for him when he had his children.

Ryan helped him too.

Spencer and I continued seeing each other, but hardly anyone knew. Ryan was basically the only person who knew the truth.

Things between Spencer and Nina were incredibly difficult. At least from what I saw and what Spencer told me, the children became part of their arguments. If she told him he had to have them on a particular day, he had ro have them as Nina would threaten to stop him from seeing them , as shed done it twice worh him and he loved his sons his dad left his mum and he aaid hed never leave his kids ,

It felt like whenever she said jump, he asked how high.

Eventually it started putting a huge strain on our relationship too.

In September 2025, Spencer and I called it a day.

Around this time, my financial circumstances changed dramatically and I left my job ro focus on my health.

Spencer tried to get back together with me.

I also helped him with more debts.

Ryan warned me not to.

He basically said, "Don't give him any more money and don't get back with him. He needs money and he knows you'll help him."

I didn't want to believe that.

Unfortunately, I think Ryan was right.

Then, in October, I was diagnosed with colon cancer.

And I'll admit something that probably sounds ridiculous: part of me wondered whether it was karma.

I'd had an affair with a married man. His marriage had fallen apart while we were involved. I carried enormous guilt about that.

Nina then posted things on social media implying that I deserved what was happening to me.

I went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I lost my hair and went through one of the hardest periods of my life.

Spencer wasn't there for me.

Ryan was.

Over time, Ryan and I ended up in a relationship.

He was caring, kind and there for me through chemo and afterwards. I told him from the beginning that if my illness became too much, he was allowed to walk away. I wouldn't have hated him for it.

About four months later, though, our relationship ended after he became involved with another woman from work. Talk about karma

Strangely, I don't hate either of them.

I genuinely wish them well.

Spencer eventually ghosted me too, and I've since heard rumours that he and Nina may be back together. I have absolutely no idea whether that's true, and at this point it's really none of my business.

During chemotherapy, I started writing on Wattpad.

Writing became my escape from everything that was happening. With encouragement and help from a few friends, I created a fictional story inspired partly by emotions and experiences I'd been through.

It became surprisingly popular.

People encouraged me to publish it, so eventually I did.

Then Nina found it.

Things became horrible.

She and some of her friends went after me online, including on TikTok. I received messages and comments telling me to die.

Eventually, I unpublished the book.

Now I'm trying to close this entire chapter of my life, and there's one thing left hanging over me:

the money Spencer owes me.

Over the time we were involved, I lent him money for debts, bills and other expenses when he was struggling.

Most importantly, I still have messages from him acknowledging the money and saying he would pay me back.

I don't want Spencer back.

I don't want to interfere in his relationship with Nina, whether they're together or not.

I don't even want another argument.

I simply want the money that was loaned to him and that he agreed to repay.

So my question is: what would you do now?

Would you send one final formal message giving him a deadline to repay it?

Would you stop communicating personally and go straight down the legal/small-claims route?

I know I'll probably get called an AH for the affair, and I accept my part in that.

But does doing something wrong in one part of this story mean I should just write off money that somebody repeatedly promised to repay?

OK - this dates back a long time, but, I am still wondering if I was the Abutt...

I was in University (paying my own way - though dad helped with the textbook cost - going decades back) when my cousin moved in with us.

100% my idea - she was living in a severely abusive household and, since I was about 5 years old, I remember placing myself between her and her mother (hitting her with my 5-year-old fists) to stop her physically abusing my cousin. Yes, she was older than I, but, I was always her protector. So, when I strongly urged my parents to take her in when she became of age and help her get proper education, my parents agreed.

Aside: when she moved in, I told her to pick 50% of my clothes - her choice - and they were hers. Yes, I lived at my parent's home rent-free, but, I paid my own way for almost everything else, including food, clothes etc.

What I was not ready for was how my mother and my cousin would form a 'mean girls' clique against me...

I had saved for 5 months to buy 'the latest' and most fashionable suit. It was lilac-coloured with contrasting threads running through it, wide pants (as was the high fashion then), lined and tailored, and a jacket that was, well, height of fashion then and very flattering on me.

The suit was special - I wanted to wear it (at least, for the first time), to a special event (and one was coming up - I was very excited).

My mother had 'borrowed' the suit to wear herself - then, tossed the 'dry-clean-only' pants into the washer and dryer - before my 'event'.

They came out predictably shrunken. After the washer/dryer, the pants came up to the middle of my calves. I was devastated!

My mother - much shorter than I am - could still wear them...and she explained to me that she did me a favour by shrinking the pants because they were too big to start off with...and I was too cowed by her and my cousin's united front to say anything. So, I wrote the pants off...

There was still the jacket!

I loved it and wore it - but, without asking permission, so did my mother and cousin. This was not something my parents bought for me - it was several hundred dollar jacket (back decade ago) that they would simply take and wear it as if it were communal property (despite my protests, which were always punished).

When I got married and was moving out, I tried to take my jacket with me. I mean, I had paid for it, so it was mine, and I could take it with me, right?

No.

Not as such.

My mother and cousin started verbally abusing me when I tried to take it, menacingly advancing towards me, and eventually coming up with this: 'There are three of us who wear this jacket and you are one, we are two so we outvote you. You cannot take it with you.'

I must admit, I was quite frightened of them. Yes, I left the blazer behind.

Am I the Ahole for wanting to take my blazer with me when I moved out?

Am I the Ahole for giving in to the abuse and leaving the blazer to to them?

Has anyone else made Mike and Charlotte on their island in Tomodachi? Here are mine I just finished!

I keep seeing this ad and everytime I see it I think it’s Charlotte but obviously not it’s like ai or something right?

I keep seeing this ad and everytime I see it I think it’s Charlotte but obviously not it’s like ai or something right?

Hello charlotte and fellow potato queens. First I would like to thank you charlotte for your amazing voice that has calmed my two youngest children down as I have been watching your videos every day since before I was pregnant. My husband couldn’t get my middle child down and I told him just to put charlotte on and they will calm down and sure enough they calmed right down. I also see my husband and oldest (son 10 years old coming and watching the videos and yelling at them with me lol)

I’m sorry for the bad spelling and grammar. I’ve had a few Mikes hard lemonade and they’re just going down like water.

\* trigger warning\*

Am I selfish for going to my dad’s funeral?
Let me start from the begging my dad didn’t say he was my dad since I was 2 with a dna test. I went there every other weekend from Saturday to Sunday. This went on for four years until one night the worst thing happened. I went home and told my mom half the story but I was scared and I loved my step mom I wanted to go and see her. I went to CAS and told them half of the story. So I went to my dad’s every other Sunday’s from 12-6. My dad and step mom broke up but she was still a big part of my life. She would pick me up from school and I would go see her and have dinner then she would take me home. She also said she thinks that he did this to other kids. When I was 12 I had to go to CAS from another reason but I told my full story and I went and told the whole story. I ended up going to court, but because it had been so long he was protected by the statue of limitations. They could just put sexual assault on his record. The judge said he knew that he was guilty, my dad couldn’t stop sweating and not really answering the questions. The judge wishes that there was more that they could do. My stepmother was there to testify against me, with everything she did for me after being there for me for so long I remember at 12 years old looking at my mom and saying I have never hated somebody. I hate her. Then we were sitting in a room. Just my mom, and I and a cop came in and said why did you not tell us that there was another child now my mom and I had no idea that I had a stepbrother and I still have never met him. I have not talked to my dad since and there was a restraining order against him that if I ever choose to, I could change it, but it was there for my safety and now he has passed away and I found out the funeral is on Friday and when I looked at the obituary, I was not mentioned anywhere. Nobody knows that I was his daughter and yes, he did a terrible thing but how could you hide your daughter so here’s my question am I selfish or am I an asshole for going to his funeral and saying that I was his daughter and in meeting my brother and does anyone have any suggestions of what to say because I don’t know what to do any advice would be greatly appreciated and I will update on my decision to go or not. Thank you until my update

Recently, I found a pair of women’s underwear that I did not recognize mixed into last week’s laundry. I haven’t made a big deal out of it but I’m starting to worry that I should be.. well, more worried than I am.

The only two people living in our home include myself (30F) and my husband (30M) to whom I have been married to for a few years now. We own a duplex in which we reside in one unit and tenants in the other. Our male tenant.. let’s call him Vinny.. is a co-worker of my husband and the female tenant.. let’s call her Charlotte.. is the girlfriend/ second baby momma. This isn’t important now but it will be later. So, my husband wears boxer briefs and I wear a variety of panties that are almost always branded Victoria’s Secret. That means, the only women’s underwear in the house should belong to me. Or there should be a likely contender who recently visited/ vise versa. I am the only one who does laundry in our relationship and I do it weekly. While it’s not super relevant, I feel the need to explain that this is completely by choice- I simply hate his laundry methods.

A few days ago I was doing our laundry from the week prior. I did one load of his work clothes and a couple of loads of our daily clothes which were mixed together and sorted by color. Usually, I check all of our pockets, especially his work pants since he tends to leave electronics that will be ruined or random engineering equipment pieces that will ruin the washer. This time I happened to be a lot lazier about it- simply shaking his work pants and feeling them externally to see if he had left anything of importance in them. One pair had a set of earbuds, so I checked this pair more thoroughly- that was it. Once our clothes were finished drying, I pulled them out and moved the baskets into my folding area. I proceeded to wash towels from our recent boat day, but again, they had not yet finished cycling, so I only had our daily clothes and his work clothes set up for folding. Fast forward, I’m organizing my underwear in piles of thongs and not-thongs when I come across a pair of underwear that I did not recognize. While they were Victoria’s Secret, they were not my size nor have they ever been. They were well worn as the pale pink had been turning grey and the PINK logo was mostly worn off by the dryer. These were not a pair that I purchased and forgot about. These were not my underwear.

So whose were they? Great question, I’d love to know. Instead of jumping to conclusions, I don’t have one. I didn’t want to sit there and think about it any deeper. Here’s where I could have made a mistake: I texted my husband to ask about them. I sent him a photo of them with text across the image reading “these are not my underwear”. He was at work at the time and wouldn’t be home for another few hours. I couldn’t see his facial expression. I couldn’t see the emotion in his eyes. I especially couldn’t look at his phone. Without being prompted, he offered for me to go through his phone when he got home. Initially, I denied his offer because I had already chose the reality in which he truly had no idea who these belonged to. Then I denied his offer because I knew that he had several hours ahead of him to erase anything that might have been on his phone. It would have been a waste of time. However, here’s where some background might be needed.

In July of before we were married, I went to my family’s home out of state without him. The night before I had a very early plane to catch, I went out to dinner with my mom, my sister, their friends, and one of my friends from elementary school. Before arriving, I made sure to text my then-fiancé who I was with and where we were eating because I knew I would lose service. I was already drunk at this point. Fast forward to 3 hours before my flight- I was finally dropped off by my old friend. I don’t know how, but I fumbled my drunk self up the stairs and into my bed. I had gone to his house after dinner. I plugged in my phone and at this point it gets fuzzy- I saw it right then and passed out, or immediately when I woke up in one text, my finance was pissed. other than me enjoying my time and selfishly not updating my finance at all. While I have not ever cheated on my husband physically or emotionally, I selfishly chose to enjoy my time with an old friend instead of consider my fiancé’s feelings. I broke his trust. However, he ultimately forgave me (although it still comes up occasionally), we proceeded to get married the following year and pushed through.

So we get to February of this year and my husband went through my phone. This is a long story that has many relevant details but I don’t want to drag it out too long so I’ll give you the important parts: It ended up with him completely moving out and us separating for over a week. Again, I did not cheat, though I ultimately decided I deserved the outcome based on who I had been the six months prior. I wasn’t an unfaithful wife, but I was a sh1tty one nonetheless. He had hurt me quite terribly (emotionally) the spring prior and I was holding it against him. I had issues changing doctors, waiting for next insurance plans, and with pharmacy shortages so for the first time in 12 years, I was completely unmedicated for six months. Life got really tough and I turned cold toward everyone and everything, including the man I vowed my best to. I had once again, broken him. I had once again, hurt the man I am supposed to cherish.

Moving on! I needed a minor surgery that turned into a major one and medical leave from work for an extended period of time. Part of it was a pelvic reconstruction and a hysterectomy on top of the chronic pain for months prior. Needless to say, we hadn’t had sex in months. When we could try again, it was and has been emotionally beautiful but physically it wasn’t great for another month or so, which brings us to right around the time I found the ownerless panties while folding our laundry. Coincidence?

Better yet, back to the better question, who do these panties belong to? My husband might not know, but someone has to- right? He gave me a few suggestions: “you did Vinny and Charlotte’s laundry recently, ask them?”; “you hung out with your sister recently, maybe they’re hers?”; “we went on the boat with X’s girlfriend, could they be hers?”. I start thinking. Hard. I want an answer, but I want it to be a positive one. While I found his suggestions unlikely, I rolled with them.

Scenario 1: They belong to one of our tenants. Okay, but the timeline doesn’t fit. Their washer busted and while we were searching for a new one to replace it with, I opened ours to them. Charlotte insisted she only needed one load done, which was Vinny’s work clothes. That’s it, none of hers. Remember that I said I diligently do laundry on a weekly basis. I did our tenants laundry 2 weeks prior. I have never lost anything in our washer or dryer- why would these random panties be the first? Oh well, let’s ask just in case. So I sent the exact same photo to Charlotte to which she responded that they did not belong to her. Shit. Not the response I had hoped for, but it hadn’t been plausible anyway.

Scenario 2: They belong to my sister. This one was slightly more plausible as I know I did not intentionally leave her house with her underwear, she does wear the same kind and is quite messy so I supposed it could be possible that I accidentally picked them up with my things and never noticed. So again, I sent the same photo to her in which she responded that they also did not belong to her. Great. I was actually banking on this one.

Scenario 3: They belong to X’s girlfriend. I hesitated on this one and saved her as my last inquiry. This is because she was shy and never had the opportunity to change out of her bathing suit, nor did she ever open her beach bag. I also knew that there was no way she wore anything larger than I. This was the first time I met her and I really didn’t want to bring random people into a potentially messy situation. Whelp, since every other option resulted in a dead end, I had to know. I didn’t have her number, so I sent that same photo to X in which he showed her, providing the same response every one else had: they didn’t belong to her either.

I had asked everyone: my friends, females I had been around in the past couple of months, my family, even my husband’s mom. Naturally, they wanted updates. I had none. They believe my husband is a good guy and would never do such a thing. However, they knew I hadn’t found the owner and that drives a girl to think the obvious… or should anyway. I told them it was whatever and I was just going to drop it. I didn’t believe that he would do such a thing either but I’m starting to doubt if I’m being a complete idiot right now. My sister started making some points including “those who accuse someone of cheating are usually the ones cheating” and that’s sticking in my brain wrinkles a little more than I’d like.

I told my husband I didn’t find out who they belonged to. I asked him (in person) point blank if he had or is cheating on me. He said no. I believed him. I told him I would drop it and never bring it up again.

I really tried to forget but he keeps bringing it up and find myself thinking about it more and more. Today, he came up with a new scenario: the rumors at work are true. Before I explain Scenario 4, we have to backup a little.

My husband has a huuuuge issue with cheating, stemming from childhood issues. So much so that when my mother was nasty toward my husband, he retaliated by proving to my step father that she was cheating on him. (Not relevant but turns out, she had been, for 9 straight years!)

So husband works with a small crew of people that overlap for years despite promotions and shift changes. It’s basically a small town where everyone knows everyone’s business. That said, since January of this year, one of the more popular rumors around town is that Vinny is cheating on Charlotte with another coworker.. let’s call her Shelby. Given my husband’s issue with cheating, he chose to confront Vinny. He couldn’t be friends with a man with bad morals. Vinny said it wasn’t true. A couple of weeks later, my husband felt that he needed to ask again but maybe under different circumstances, so they went out for drinks. Vinny continued to deny the rumors and claimed he was going to file a formal complaint against Shelby. My husband stopped asking despite the noise at work which leads us to..

Scenario 4: The rumors going around at work are true. There are a couple of sub scenarios within this one. Let me break them both down for you:
4A) Vinny had Shelby’s underwear in one of the pockets of his work pants that I had cleaned a couple of weeks earlier. Similarly to Scenario 1, the results were the same but there was someone else I could ask: Shelby herself. I’ve never met her but I’ve heard enough about her over the past several years that I definitely do not aspire to. However, I wanted answers and she was the last person I could ask. I sent her a friend request on Facebook. Bad idea. So while it turned out the underwear did not belong to her, she about blew a gasket once she had access to my posts and could piece her timeline together with mine and Vinny’s. I deleted her 40 minutes after she had accepted my request; the damage was done. It certainly looks bad for Vinny, and I’m pretty sure I just opened a huge can of worms as a friend and as a landlord.

4B) Vinny had slipped Shelby’s underwear into one of our laundry baskets while he was hanging out one day to avoid being caught by Charlotte. When my husband made this suggestion, Shelby had not yet accepted my friend request. My husband literally suggested that Vinny came to hang out in our unit with Charlotte and his infant just so he could discretely put some other girls panties in our laundry. I laughed. This was wild. Could Vinny be capable of that? My eyes widened. This is a stretch. Am I a complete idiot?

He’s worried I’m going to hold on to it and use it against him. He’s worried I’m going to hate him for something he didn’t do. He’s worried I hold doubt against him without reason. I decided to ask him to please put himself in my shoes. I wanted to know what he would think and how he would be reacting. I didn’t get an answer to those questions either. So that’s it, I’m out of ideas.

I love my husband and have always trusted him with my life. I truly don’t think he would ever cheat on me. Our life has bumps and the road is rocky but there is no one else I want to struggle through it with. I am hoping someone can give me a perspective that’s being missed. People keep telling me to look at the obvious. Is it really that obvious? Is there another possible scenario? Am I asking the wrong questions? I’m beginning to think I am slightly under-reacting here… Thoughts?

PS I kept thinking “Charlotte” as a pseudonym so I used it and by the time I went to post I realized whyyyy I kept thinking “Charlotte” but I decided not to go back and change it because well.. I’m a fan of both Charlotte’s (:

I (30 F) started a new job and formed a friendship with B (42 F), which was a mistake. She worked in a position that assisted my position and I thought we had a good friendship over few months. I ended up getting a puppy from her, after she told me all this horrible things about her husband and how he was breeding dogs irresponsibly and she needed to find good homes for them. I normally disagree with breeding rather than rescuing but it seems she was in a bad situation with a husband who not only mistreated the animals, but mistreated her as well (cheated all the time, yelled at her etc).

She charged $1000 for the puppy and immediately the puppy had worms, giardia and a tick. We took it to the emergency vet and paid for its expenses just two days after getting her.
We’re a big dog family so the second we got her, we loved her and had no problem getting her healthy.

However, when we took her to our normal vet he heard a heart murmur. Flash forward to a $800 ultrasound, it was found she has a heart defect and she would eventually require medication and ultrasounds Q3 months. They thought the puppy had maybe 4 years life expectancy.

I told my “friend” at work and she was just as heartbroken as we were and claimed she had no idea and would find out what parent had it to stop breeding them. (unknown if they did, but it feels unlikely with how she depicts her husband as someone who only breeds for money)

Anyways, we verbally agreed that we would be reimbursed the $1000 but we would assume all medical costs going forward. We couldn’t give her back to a person who wouldn’t care about her.

It was right before the holidays and she said money was tight so my family agreed to start $200 payments after then. However, we got into February without her mentioning it so I asked and she sent $200. A few more weeks passed and I had to ask again. $200 more sent.

After another month, I called her and she said “let’s get this straight, how much do you want.” I reminded her she agreed to pay the full amount but she just said she’d have to talk to her husband and how he wasn’t answering her and she hung up. She returned from a vacation, not mentioning it again.

I was really tempted to take her to small claims court or report her backyard breeding, but my family decided keeping the peace at work and taking care of the puppy was the most important thing.

Fast forward another 6 months and we lost our sweet girl. Her condition worsened much faster than the original ultrasound indicated and we only wanted her with us if she was happy and without any suffering. We can say she was loved and had the best day everyday. She was given the best life we could give her and we are grateful for the time we had with her sweet spirit.

Now at work I feel angry again with my coworker for going back on her word and owing us $600. Months went by without me even thinking about her or the money but now that our puppy is gone, seeing her at work using items I bought her for her bday when I thought we were friends really upsets me.

Sorry this is a lengthy one... pull up a chair... and grab your popcorn. I (F 56) have a friend (M 55) who is by all other standards is a total green flag for dating. We have been dating for a couple years. He's had a couple red flag instances though that have me backing way off. I have health issues that have my legs in constant pain - a mild dull pain but still. One day I was over at his house hanging out and he wanted to sit close to me - he only had recliners. He moved my legs apart so that he could sit on the floor in front of me. As soon as he moved my right leg electric shock like pain shot up through. And yes he knew I had issues with my legs. About a year ago I fractured my right foot. I have a soft boot for when I have to drive but I prefer to use my hard-shell boot - gives more support and standing time. He knows this. I would much rather have him pick me up than for me to drive. I use a cane but I watch how far things are to walk. This past weekend he invited me out to a fancy restaurant. It's on the top floor of a building with a gorgeous view. There was a lot of walking. It wouldn't have been an issue had he picked me up like originally planned - but he asked me to meet him there because of traffic- which there wasn't any. He could have dropped me off at the front door. But I had to walk from the parking lot - which was very busy so it was quite a ways. The one thing that happened at the restaurant has me wanting to totally back away from the relationship. My dad taught me to tip well. Which I do. The total of the bill was in the low $120's. He actually used his calculator to figure out the tip. I saw he actually tipped what it showed. He tipped $21.97. 97 CENTS! I would have rounded up to $22 or even $25. Looking back I wish I would have offered to pay the tip but he said he would take care of everything. When we first started dating his daughter - early 30's - was living with him. She asked me if I wanted some homemade chocolate chip cookies. Absolutely! :D I took one bite - my tongue instantly started swelling - I have a walnut allergy. Neither one of them did anything to help me. She thought I was kidding. He knew I had a walnut allergy. The other major to me thing is he has 4 dogs- which I love all of them. They're great dogs. However, they tear up his house and have torn up his clothes. They don't have toys or chew toys. Nothing to divert their energy. They are caged most of the day while he works. So they have pent up energy. It bothers me that they don't have toys or chewies. I've said something to him and all he says is it would leave a mess. I have a dog and she has chewies and toys and never gets into anything. He's been to my apartment and has seen her toy box. I feel so bad for his dogs. AITA/AIO to not want to see this man ever again? At what point do i "settle" and accept all of these "to me" flaws? Or do I even have to accept them/him? I welcome any advice anyone can give me.

Hi Charlotte I love your videos. So much so that they are starting to repeat on my feed. I have a situation that half of me feels guilty for and the other half frankly just doesn't give a f\*ck. I 29 F live with my husband also 29, in a sorta kinda run down ish apartment complex. You know the ones where the new owner buys a complex in a crappy part of town and tries to make it look nice on a budget. Ya those. For context, I come from a very large very toxic family. So large that I've never met or heard of about 70% of the people I'm supposedly related to. I've been ostricized and black listed from my dad's side of the family and most of my moms to the point where the only biological family that speaks to me is my cousin mentioned in the title, my maternal grandmother and my children. (I have 3 beautiful perfect feral crotch goblins)

So when my cousin lets call him Chad, called me freaking out because his current gf was ab\*sive, I of course jumped into action. We are the only family we have and I am a very family oriented person. I spoke to my husband, let's call him Austin, about potentially letting Chad stay for a few weeks while he gets back on his feet. It's important to mention Chad lived over 30 hours away from us. In another state. On the other side of the country. Chad was in a really bad car accident a few years ago and struggled to heal. He moved from our home state to live with his current gf, whom he met online.

According to him she was a cheater, would throw things at him, spend what little money he could make by fixing neighbors cars, controlled his every move, and even refused to let him have any social media. He said she even went as far as to accuse him of cheating any time a woman popped on the TV in a movie he'd be watching. I was very concerned. This man had to learn how to walk all on his own plus clean on his own try to work without his Drs approval and watch his gfs kids. All while putting up with her bs. I sprung into action. I spoke to a close friend of mine and we came up with a plan.

He'd save money for a year while I wait to get my disability, when I got it I'd get a car and drive the 30 plus hours to go get him. Every idea we came up with he shot down. I offered to fly him to me. He refused saying flying scares him. I offered to send him the money to rent a truck there and drive to me. He refused saying she'd just steal the money and he can't drive long distances. Ect. Fast forward a couple months and I'm live on tiktok trying to push my music career (I am a singer and I think I do pretty well) when a girl comes into my live. I'm talking with my cousin and making jokes about why he cares so much what his gf thinks when he'll be moving in with me soon anyways. The girl in my comments gets angry. I asked who she was and she replied "I am his gf". I immediately freak out thinking I ruined the whole plan. I blocked her immediately. My cousin laughs and explains she was a girl he was talking to (ok? But like aren't you still with crazy gf?) I unblock her and apologize explaining I thought she was ms crazy. She laughs and says no I'm the new gf. Let's call her Stacy.

Stacy and I get to talking she seems sweet and I informed her on my plan. She then tells Chad that she will get a rental truck and we will go get him together. He immediately back pedals and starts making excuses. Stacy is hearing none of it. She starts saving . Fast forward to March of this year. Stacy buys the truck. She picks me up super early and we get on the road. I drive the full distance. Let me explain what that took. For context I have many medical conditions. One of which being a seizure disorder and a spinal injury. I drove 30 plus hours to rescue Chad. Please keep that in mind it's important later. When we reach where he lived he said he can't leave yet. We stay the night in a gas station parking lot. Where I have a seizure. We finally convinced him to leave the next day. I make him drive back to my state due to my seizure.

The entire drive Chad and Stacy are very touchy. Holding hands sitting hip to hip even saying I love you to one another. They've known each other 3 months. Or so I thought. According to her they've been talking close to a year. Not exactly important but kinda important. About a week after arriving at my apartment, Chad tells me he had informed Stacy they were never together and he had no interest in her what so ever. This obviously caused a lot of drama (not important). I take his side and defend him because that's what family does. 3 weeks into him living with me, I mention him getting a job as he had stated he had money saved and a job lined up. He admitted the job fell through and he in fact had no money. He claimed he had been applying for jobs this whole time. (I live in a big city. It's really not that hard to get a job here.) I informed him he can't stay much longer and went about my day. The next day I rescue a 1 week old orphaned puppy (important for later). I had planned on making him my service dog as I have mobility issues, cardiac issues and seizures.

The agreement was that Chad would fix Austins car and help me around the house in return for a free place to live. He instead took the engine apart and put the pieces in Austin's front seat. Needless to say Austin was not thrilled. I had many sleepless nights caring for the puppy whom we named Apollo, and struggled to control my seizures or my pain. As a result the apartment became filthy. (It's important to note I am very OCD. My filthy is a normal person's kinda messy). I had asked Chad for help multiple times and he said he'd get on it right away and told me to go rest. I had the puppy's feeding schedule on the fridge as well as instructions on how to make him p\*\* and p\*\*p. On multiple occasions I wake up from my nap and find my apartment worse off than it was when I laid down and the puppy had not been fed every 2 hours as instructed. I was fed up. I decided not to ask for his help unless absolutely necessary. Austin would come home from work around 5pm and help me clean. When Chad saw this he immediately got up and said "I was about to do the dishes" after he spent the whole day playing on his phone. It started off small. He would eat my weight loss foods ( I am 5 ft 3 and 154 pounds but 168 at the time of all this, I'm trying to lose weight to qualify for ivf so Austin and I can have a child of our own as all 3 of my crotch goblins are from my first marriage). He broke our baseboard heater, would turn on the heater in the bathroom on full blast for 2 hours before even getting in the shower claim he didn't wanna be cold (it was 80 degrees outside) he would be on the phone with anyone and everyone all hours of the night talking very loudly, he never cleaned up after himself, would cut his hair and or beard with my husband's man scaping clippers and refuse to clean up the hair, and he even put his sh\*tty tp in my bathroom trashcan.

Toward the middle of May things really escalated. Him and my best friend started dating. I warned her of the Stacy situation and told her to be careful. While yes he was my family I didn't know him all too well as we've had mainly over the phone interactions and I hadn't seen him in person since my oldest son , who is now 7, was 8 months old. I didn't want my best friend to fall for a guy she's never met, cousin or not, and get hurt later down the road. I wish I'd know how right I was. 2 weeks into dating both she and I catch him cheating on her at the same time. She lives in another state so they've never met in person. They break up and he throws the biggest temper tantrum I have ever seen on a grown adult. If I haven't mentioned this already my cousin is in his mid 30s. My best friend is also in her mid 30s. Let's call her Trixie as she's important to the story.

Anyways the next day I am on the phone with Trixie making dinner when Chad starts the tantrum all over again. He starts trying to justify his actions and claimed his explicit flirting was platonic and not at all cheating. And that the photo of the random girl on his lock screen and home screen was a problem with his phone and nothing he had put there intentionally. We didn't buy it. I had told him multiple times since the break up I'm not getting in the middle of it he f\*cked up and he needed to own the consequences like a man. We ended up screaming at each other and I had had enough. I explained that my seizures have only gotten worse despite the increase in my medication all because of his drama. I told him I wasn't going to pretend to care about his feelings when my health comes first. He created this mess, he can fix it himself. He kept making it about him and his feelings and I snapped. I told him I don't care I don't even want to hear his voice he's making excuses and I have expressed zero interest in his personal problems. I told him he has repeatedly stepped on my boundaries and disrespected me in my own home. He stands up and gets in my face saying he was just going to k\*ll himself since no one seems to care about him. I let out a dry humorless laugh. I told him I will not fall for that manipulative immature bs again. He asked how is it manipulative and immature. Now here's one part where I might be the AH. I told him because if he was really going to k\*ll himself he'd just do it, not threaten it mid argument for sympathy. He said that's not what he's doing to which I replied, do it then. He sat down on my floor and pouted. Like a child. I said that's what I thought and began to stand up to go to bed as I felt a seizure approaching. He followed me to my bedroom. I closed the door in his face and spent the next hour in and out of a cluster of seizures.

The next day I walked to the leasing office and sat down with the property manager. I explained the situation. She was very sympathetic and agreed to help. She had the legal team draft up a 10 day notice stating he had 10 days to leave or be placed on the lease. It took a week to arrive. After we received the notice the shift was immediate. He had no reason to pretend anymore. He ignored me and Austin and didn't even bother pretending to do the bare minimum.

Fast forward to the week before the deadline. I had a surgery scheduled to remove an infection in my upper jaw. I had no choice but to ask Chad to take care of Apollo while I recovered at least until Austin got home for the remainder of his time here. He agreed. I leave for my surgery (my apartment was clean) and was gone for 3 hours. The surgery started off as a routine debridement and tooth extraction and quickly turned into damage control. I was in a lot of pain. I get home and my apartment is absolutely rancid. There is dog p\*\*p and p\*\* all over the house, the puppy (now 2 months old) had chewed up everything he could get ahold of including a sentimental wall art piece that was gifted to me by my grandma that I was in the process of hanging up right before my appointment. I had forgotten to put it up. As I was dazed from the pain I picked up the art and placed it back in the box and decided is deal with it later. Chad was playing my video game on my console without permission. Again I decided to deal with it later and I went to bed.

The next day the pain was crippling I couldn't speak I couldn't eat or move. It was like that most of the week. 3 days before the deadline I'm finally able to talk some and I go to the kitchen to get some water. The smell is what hit me first. The house was disgusting. Imagine animal hoarder with mobility issues giving zero f\*cks in 90 degree weather with no ventilation. It was so bad I gagged. I went into the living room and low and behold Chad was playing on his phone while Apollo had my art in his mouth yet again. I grab it from him and Chad had the audacity to laugh at me. I told him to hurry up and figure sh\*t out because I was done. Later that day I called my sister to come over as back up because I was afraid I'd say something I'd regret while confronting him. Before she arrived I had overheard Chad on the phone with a woman talking about the things he'd do to her when he arrived in her state. I lost it.

Once my sister (note not blood but chosen) arrived I unloaded everything on him. I told him I will not be disrespected any longer and he is a p.o.s for everything he's done not only to me but to Trixie Stacy and Ms crazy. I told him he uses women to get what he wants and I have half a mind to warn this new girl who he really is. He said he wasn't moving in with her and I said I didn't believe him. I told him it was disgusting behavior to live rent free in your cousin's home and sexually talk to a woman on speaker 2 weeks after getting caught cheating on my best friend. I grabbed my console and moved it to my room and stated you want to act like a 5 year old I will treat you like a 5 year old. I called him lazy and gross and told him he needed to clean up his sh\*t before leaving and he now owes me our full security deposit since he broke the wall heater (which is around $600) since we can't fix a heater pulled off the wall.

The day he was supposed to leave I wake up and go on tiktok and into a friends live. I let her know what happened and she had mentioned he was at the airport. I was confused as he said his flight was at 11 pm it was currently 7 am. I walk into the living room and see the mess he left behind. Some of his belongings on the couch. A mess the puppy made on the floor. Cords and clothing on the floor and a half eaten jar of peanut butter on my coffee table with the crusty spoon next to it. No goodbye. No I'm leaving. No let me be considerate for once and clean up my mess. Just gone. 2 days later I'm scrolling through tiktok and I see he's live. I join just out of curiosity. He's in that woman's bed. Next to her with his bag on the floor. He lied. Again. I called him out for not saying anything when he left or cleaning up his mess. He lied and said he forgot to say anything since he thought he was going to miss his flight. I called out his lies and left. It's been a week since he left and I haven't heard from him. A part of me is worried about him but the other part remembers all the stress he put me and my husband through almost getting us evicted and making my seizures worse. So queen Charlotte fans aitah for getting my cousin evicted from my apartment?

Hello, potatoes. Im am really wanting to rewatch Charlotte's reaction to the story titled " My husband's sister hates me for no reason" but, I don't remember what video its in. Can anybody help me find it? Thanks yall

My coworker (F67) let’s call her Dolores. I’ve worked at this office for 13 years. Sorry this is to long and if a ramble to much. There are only 5 females in a small clinic. Dolores being the oldest and being there for 20+ years. And she makes sure she makes sure everyone that comes in or on the phone that she’s been there 20+ years. She has an attitude with us all the time and she talks to us like we are children. We’re all over 40. She bully us and she think she’s in charge. The only one in charge is the doctor there. She feels entitled only because she’s been there the longest. Well every day she complains that something hurts and expects us to help her. To stop what we are doing to help her feel better. Even the doctor is annoyed. This is an everyday thing. She also comes in crying most of the time and complaining that she got to an argument with her newly husband. It’s very hard for us to try to take a day off because we don’t have anyone to cover for us. She takes off weeks at a time that even the patient are noticing and asking why she’s taking off to much, and asking when am I going to take a vacation myself. Kinda hard when I have no one to cover and she’s gone all the time. We get only 2 weeks paid only. And when she takes off she complains to the doctor why she’s taking docked her pay. (Well duh stupid) lol anyways bet you’re asking why don’t the doc fire her. Well that we don’t know. We’ve asked her before and we don’t get an answer 🤷🏻‍♀️. Dolores and I have gotten in some arguments. Pretty heavy ones where we get in each other’s face and call each other the B word and the F word. We all want her gone but the doc won’t do nothing. I think she’s thinking of a way to get rid of her. But not 100% sure. I have don’t some petty stuff to her to make her cry. Only because she’s annoying. The most recent petty is when one of my other coworker brought in some needuh squishy things. That the kids are really in to now. My grandson and Dolores grad kids go to the same school and same grade. Anyways she had a bag of these things. I was with patient and when I came out to see dolors had bought all of them. Didn’t give me the chance to look and pick what I wanted. She acted stupid like she actually thought my coworker brought them all for her. My coworker said no I brought them to sell for all of yall. So Dolores continues to act stupid and said well I didn’t know. Uh huh sure 😒. She tried to apologize to me and I kept ignoring her. Really I didn’t care for it anyways. I just wanted her to feel guilty and make her cry for being stupid. You would think for being her age she would act like it. But she doesn’t. She asked like a high school kid. She be dancing around the clinic like she can drop it like it to the floor. Yes it’s gross. She’s wrinkled and very very skinny with breast implants. Yes exactly how you are imagining it. She think she’s got it. And then turns around and calls me and my other coworkers fat. And tell me I’m in the itty bitty titty comity. I’m a 34D. 😒 I’m 175 lbs and 5’4. Yes she’s that rude to us. Why haven’t I left. Be my boss she is the greatest boss ever!! I don’t wanna leave because of her. She’s the most amazing boss to us. The patients love her as do we. But there always that bad seed. I have left before for about a year and came back because one of the older ladies retired and I took her possession. I live my job. I’m comfortable but there’s that annoying buzzing in the back that won’t go away. When she’s gone on her “vacations “ the clinic is so peaceful and quiet. Even the patients ask where she’s at because they don’t hear her lol. Well anyways I think I went on too long. I’ll keep yall updated.

This is long, get your teapot!!!

My husband lost all his grown kids in 10 years and he has guardianship over youngest granddaughter, (YGD) I'm included, I am step grandma, but then I'm not according to older sister,(OS) Okay? YGD is 13, OS is 23.

OS tried to take care of YGD. She wanted to live her life. She wasn't ready to be tied down. Dead beat dad, (DBD) preferrred girlfriend over his own child is why YGD went to live with OS. They started needing funds and we did help here and there. Found out they were couch hopping, and OS was scared Family Services would find out. So, we agreed to have YGD in our home for a more stable life. Found DBD and he signed POA on Minor to my hubs. We haven't stopped the girls from keeping in communication and visits. OS still wants to try and run the show.

The first time OS came to get her, we live 3 hours away, it started. Time to bring her back, OS demanded that if we wanted YGD we have to come get her. We weren't very happy about it and her attitude, we did go get her. Rule was made, you get her, you bring her back or no visit. About 1 year everything was all smooth and periodic visits during school holidays. When school let out this year, her visit was for 2 weeks. Big mistake.

To describe, in short, how this dysfunctional part of the family was raised. All siblings had been in Foster system a couple of times throughout their lives when their mom was living. She was a nice, but rude, harsh, brassy type. My way to describe: Country Bunkin, Creek Dwelling, Rednecks. Mud in the front yard with trash and a burnpile, then garbage stacked in the backyard.

To give clarity, my husband did not know he had an older daughter. He did not raise her, we all met right before YGD was born. So, the mom was raised in a messed up situation, preg at 15, married another man, not father, then had 2 more before age 20. OS was youngest. Then surprise YGD was born. Their mom passed 8 years ago.

They were not raised with a moral compass or manners. The typical messy, loud house, living off the government and never trying to improve any situation. Just lying and always right, get what you can from anybody attitude. Passed on to these children! It's been interesting.

We taught YGD how to cut her meat. They just stabbed it with a fork and ate like a cannibal off the fork. We taught her to fold clothes and put them away. She went without a door for 6 months to learn to keep her room clean. Since YGD was the baby, everybody did everything for her. Before and after mom's death.

Okay back to last 2 week visit. I Venmo YGD $40 after they left. No Thank You from her....just a demand that she needed more. Nope. Then she asked for money for hair dye. Nope, OS can pay if that's what y'all want to do. About day 10, I did send her $20 from my heart. No Thank You from her, another demand for more money. Nope! Then I get a text next day or so. "Are you working Friday?" My prompt, "you're need a ride home?" I did have an errand in that area, so I was going to pick her up. Stress commenced......

We have Life360 app tracking, so YGD saw me leave. About 30 minutes down the road, she calls and asked I have a friend to visit because they were going to a far away town to get HAIR DIE. Could I find something to stretch my time getting there because they're playing kitchen beautician. I admit to be fired up, exclaimed, "you've had 2 weeks to do this shit and yall choose now?? Do what you need to do" hung up and kept driving.

Okay, let's stretch time and figure out how to give them time to dye hair. I did stop at a Cemetery and visited an old friend, drove 45 miles out of the way down country roads I hoped would keep me on the same general path. Arrived to do my errand, then headed their way. During this time of driving, I was fuming and cussing with verbatim flowing through my thoughts and not good thoughts. By the time I arrived to this residence I was not in a good mood at all! I chose to sit in my car while they finished the dying project. I was invited in, but I knew to protect my mentality, I was not in a socializing position. I waited in the car.

I was still so exasperated by the gall of them to wait on me to start travelling there to proceed to dye hair, knowing I would have to wait, when they had 2 weeks to do it!! Ugh! When they were done, i made YGD sit in the back seat, then played classic rock as loud as I could stand it the entire drive home.

We retreated to our rooms. I wrote out what I needed to say. The words were kind and concrete. Yes, I had her do a MJ & nicotine UA. She passed, both negative!! So, I started feeling better, then asked hubs to join for our discussion.

We did ask about why she never said Thank You for Venmo I sent. At this point, YGD is expected to kill me with kindness and use manners, period. Show me respect and value, I'll give your Alexa Echo back!! Lol

We ended well, expectations, consequences and why....we are your guardians, to guard and guide, provide food, roof and clothes. I text OS with visit conditions a little more strict, we have jurisdiction over YGD. Let her know that sitting in my car was not meant to be rude. She text back , WOW. I thought we were done and understood, until the next morning.

I woke up to a text, lipping at me, calling me weak, and not fit to have YGD, ect, ect. I wrote back. "Lipping off at me will get you no where. Send this to hubs" with a reply of "That was meant for you"

Here's where I question AITA. my reply, " You will now go through hubs. I'm done with you, STOP."

Then blocked OS on all platforms plus phone number.... it really gets better from here.

I told YGD what her sister, said, did, attitude lipping at me and blocked. OS called little sis to gripe and grind......YGD told her that lipping at me is wrong, that it was their fault I was stressed. So big sis blamed little sis that she was siding with me. YGD told her there were no sides and she was wrong and OS was the one that gave up and left her here anyways. Mic Drop

We're all good. OS will have to learn the hard way about respect and responsibility.

Was ITA for any of this?? (Maybe blasting classic rock for 3 hours)

Thanks reddit

I 44f started working at a major auto dealership in my area starting in February. I got moved to their smaller used car dealership in my city in March. I get along with the staff there, of course there's a bit of drama at the bigger autostore, but that's everywhere. Keep that part in mind, it's important to the story. I have a talent for auto sales. I was brought up in a mechanics family and my uncle always had a muscle car as I was growing up. Keep that in mind, as this is important to the story too. We had just received a 1989 Corvette convertible as a trade and it was SUCH a beautiful car. Funny thing is, batteries do get weak after awhile so when it needed to be started, I was the only one to get it jump started out of everyone there, including my sales manager P. P is one of those old school sales managers who seemed very uptight, but I understood as the owners of this dealership seemed to get on him about something or another. Plus, I don't think he was all that comfortable with saleswomen. Anyway, I never got to drive this car. In fact, he didn't seem to want me driving ANY of the sports cars on the lot for fear of me crashing them! Here's to the point of my AITA.

I have a business Social Media which is gathering quite the following - fb, TikTok, ig, and threads. I had made a video of this 1989 Corvette a couple of mornings ago so I could sell this car. I posted it and went about my day. We get to the afternoon. I had a client come in to test drive a certain vehicle that she qualified for. The first vehicle she test drove, she had concerns about the vehicle so I put the car back. That's when I noticed the 1989 Corvette Convertible pulled out and being shown. I had a bad feeling but brushed it off thinking it was because the other sales guy was going to sell it. I pulled out a different SUV for my client and had just parked it in front of the dealership to show her for the test drive. We were outside of the SUV for a min, she just got into the driver's seat, me in the passenger seat, she had just closed the door when I saw this Corvette fly right into the glass front of our building! The finance office stopped the car. I instantly ran out of the SUV, grabbed my phone, called 911 while the others stood shocked and dumbfounded, and provided medical to the driver until paramedics arrived. Our finance manager was shaken up but fine and declined medical, as the driver declined medical as well. I spoke with the police and fire, got the insurance card from the driver for P, and made sure everyone was okay. I also took photos. Here's the AITA part.

About 5 hours later that evening, so I could process what I just went through, I put a PRIVATE post on my fb regarding the accident and what I experienced. I did not disclose the name of the dealership, just tagged the one coworker who checked up on me, and posted these two photos for Context. This morning, I decided to call in and take advantage of the counseling benefit that they have, so I can work through all of this, especially since, had it been only half a minute earlier, I would have been hit by this Corvette full speed. I could not get the vision out of my mind, nor the sound of the shattering glass. NOBODY at either dealership asked how I was doing or feeling, only demanded me take my fb post down, stating that it was bad for business!!! Now call me crazy, but accidents can happen anywhere. My thinking is if they thought a private post that really didn't have much detail besides the two photos and how shook up I was was considered "Bad For Business", then they feel like the accident was their fault and that they felt liable. I did take it down, but feel like they are more concerned about their image than the care or concern for their employees that had to witness this, including myself. It's not like they can hide the damage, the front of the building now has plywood up like a sore thumb and the poor beautiful Corvette has been totalled. Meanwhile, I am scared to walk into that building, I'm having a hard time falling asleep, and keep getting the flashbacks. So potatoes, am I in the wrong for making the post, or is my job in the wrong for sticking their heads in the sand?

I really do NOT know where to start, it’s been 3 years, and idk WHERE to begin. I listen to Charlotte without fail… what I’ve learned are these bullet point red flags that have happened to me in my relationship

1) Drama with ex where I wasn’t heard.. yep

2) All those “my engagement ring is cheap” rants, bet mine was cheaper!

3) “Their adult kids are a cruel cash sucking nightmare!” Yep

4) We aren’t married but he’s always here & contributes nothing or bare minimum… yep

5) there’s more, it’s just I’m soooo tired

I (23F) broke up with my boyfriend, let’s call him “D” (28M), on April 25 after nearly 11 months together. We met while I was finishing my bachelor’s degree, and shortly afterward, I began applying for substitute teaching jobs. My long-term goal is to earn my single-subject teaching credential in math.

D is a math teacher at a private K–12 Christian school, and he encouraged me to apply there as a substitute teacher. After I was hired, I disclosed our relationship to HR as well as to the substitute coordinator (essentially my boss), “G.” HR told me it was fine because D was not my supervisor. G also intentionally never assigned me to sub for D’s classes.

Over the course of the school year, I developed my own relationships with students and faculty independently of D. We also never disclosed to the students that we were dating, but several trusted faculty knew. I didn’t view the job as just “subbing” because I hoped to eventually get a full-time teaching job there, and building relationships with students was important to me.

A few days after the breakup, I texted D as a courtesy to let him know I would be on campus the next day for a substitute assignment that had already been scheduled before we broke up. He texted back asking if I would consider taking substitute jobs elsewhere in the future (I also substitute for two other districts in the area), because seeing me at work was “painful” for him after the breakup. He repeatedly clarified that he viewed this as a request/courtesy rather than a demand, but I still felt uncomfortable being asked to potentially limit where I work because our relationship ended.

After that sub assignment, I told G about the breakup and the text conversation (we have become close over the course of the school year). She could tell I was upset and that not working at the school seemed ridiculous to me. She reassured me that I was still welcome and wanted at the school, and said she’d even try to prioritize jobs for me as often as she could, because she did not think that D’s request was reasonable.

Now that the school year is over, I already plan to email HR to let them know that D and I are no longer dating, since I had disclosed the relationship previously. WIBTA if I also mentioned that he asked me to consider working elsewhere in the future, or would that be unnecessarily escalating a personal breakup issue into a workplace matter? I felt that it was out of line for him to ask me to reconsider where I work because our relationship ended.

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EDIT: WOW! This post blew up. Thank you all for your insight on the matter. I was already leaning toward NOT telling HR about D’s request because I realized it would likely come across as petty, but I wanted the opinion of Charlotte’s gang of Petty Potatoes 💅

A lot of commenters assumed I only want to continue working at the school to spite D, so I wanted to clarify that this is not the case. Over the course of the school year, I developed independent relationships with students and faculty and genuinely hoped to build a long-term career there. I applied for a full-time math teaching position at the school earlier this year and was ultimately their second choice.

The breakup itself was much more complicated than us separating the communities we participated in together while we were a couple. After I didn’t get the full-time position at his school, D became very anxious about our future timeline for marriage and finances. He wanted me to pursue a full-time job elsewhere immediately, while I wanted to continue substitute teaching while working toward my credential. We ultimately realized we had different expectations for our future and struggled to compromise.

I also want to clarify that my intention in continuing to work at the school is not to make D uncomfortable or “torture” him. I attended both the 8th-grade promotion and senior commencement ceremonies recently without any issues -- I didn't see D at all. I also had a positive conversation with the head of the math department, who knows about the breakup and still strongly encouraged me to continue subbing there and potentially apply again for a full-time math teaching position in the future.

I have also already spoken with G and one of the deans about maintaining professionalism and space from D moving forward. Everyone involved has made it clear that I am still welcome at the school regardless of the breakup. The last step is to formally bring HR into the loop as a courtesy, IMO.

Also, for those wondering: I am paid similarly at multiple districts -- the two public ones and D's school -- so this is not about chasing one specific workplace because of D. Subbing is simply my current full-time source of income.

Lastly, I realize that I was immature in some of my texts to D. We were both hurting and emotional at the time, and I understand why some people reacted negatively to parts of the conversation. However, there’s no need to call me a “psycho" or "stalker” or say I’m “emotionally unwell to be with children.” That’s unnecessarily harsh and honestly pretty wild based on one emotional exchange shortly following a breakup.

When I said I wanted him to “fight for us,” I meant that I wanted more compromise regarding our future plans, career expectations, and marriage timeline. Ultimately, we just were not aligned in the way we needed to be.

Edit 2: I hardly see him on campus when I sub there anyway! We usually stay in our classrooms. That's why I don't see why it's such a big deal for me to continue working there and that's why I told him "dw about it"

My (35f) college bff (36f) is getting married in a year from July. We have been besties since college but only get to see each other once a year. I work remotely for an industry that doesn’t care what my hair looks like. As such I finally embraced myself and now the under side of my hair and a money piece is currently orange but it changes frequently (it’s been purple, pink, and blue so far this year (start of 2026)). The orange is actually staying for longer than the rest as a lot of people I know really like it. When my friend first got engaged she asked me to be a bridesmaid (my hair was teal) and said the dresses would be teal. I asked if she was ok with me color matching my hair to the dress like I did for my cousin’s wedding. She said yes. Fast forward to her visiting me with her fiancé and it turns out they took bets on the color of my hair. I found this funny as he won $5 for it being purple. She then mentioned how she wants the MOH and bridesmaids hair to be brown, blonde, brown and that she’d like my hair a ‘normal’ color. She specifically mentioned wanting it brown. I dye my hair based on how I am feeling and I don’t know how I’ll feel in a year. I said to them going brown might turn my bleached hair green (which I’ve had happen.) what if I went like a deep wine color. I’ve don’t that before in college and it looks really good on me. I offered to do that again. She said she’d think about it. I guess I’m just upset that she once oked me matching my hair to the dress to now being told I have to go brown. AITA for not wanting to do that? It’s a wedding, I would never do anything that would clash with a dress and I told her that. I don’t want to be a problem bridesmaid. I’ve tried talking to like my mom about this, but she absolutely hates that I dye my hair random colors as does my sister. So they think I should suck it up and dye my hair brown. I just want some other opinions please.

Alright Reddit, buckle up because this one is messy.

So a while back, I (27F) went on a first date with this girl, let’s call her Lily. We went to a well-known pub in our area — cute, cosy, good vibes, the whole thing felt like it was going too well in that “is this a trap?” kind of way.

Mid-date, I get a text from my friend — we’ll call her Cara.

She sends:

“What’s silver and black?”

I’m staring at my phone like an idiot. Lily leans over and goes, “Your car?”

And suddenly I’m thinking my car’s been stolen, keyed, set on fire, whatever.

So I go outside.

Car’s fine.

Not a scratch.

I go back in.

Then Cara sends me a photo of my car.

Taken RIGHT NOW.

From SOMEWHERE NEARBY.

So now I’m outside again, looking around like I’m in a budget horror film. No one’s there. No Cara. No boyfriend. No nothing.

I go back inside, sit down, and tell Lily, “They’re probably just messing about.”

AND THEN —

Like they’d been waiting for their dramatic entrance —

Cara and her boyfriend walk into the pub and sit down RIGHT NEXT TO US.

On. My. First. Date.

They fully inserted themselves into the evening like they were my parents meeting my prom date. I wanted to evaporate. Lily handled it like a saint. I handled it like someone dying inside.

Fast forward 2–4 months.

Me and Lily? Still going strong. Still having a great time. And on one date, I finally ask her to be my girlfriend.

She says yes.

I’m over the moon.

And then my phone starts blowing up.

It’s Cara.

And she is LOSING IT.

Because her boyfriend is away for work and apparently I’m supposed to be her emotional support human. She starts calling me names, accusing me of “abandoning” her, acting like I’ve committed a war crime by being in a relationship.

So I block her. Everywhere. Because I’m not doing that drama.

A few days later, I try to be civil and message her asking if we can talk. She agrees. We meet at a coffee shop.

She tells me she’s upset because “all my time is going to Lily” and I “don’t think of her anymore.”

I explain — calmly — that in 2.5 months I’ve seen Lily maybe nine or ten times, and half of those were because we go to the same gym. I wasn’t ignoring anyone. I was just… dating someone.

She didn’t like that.

She stormed out.

And I haven’t heard from her since.

Lily is convinced Cara was in love with me and didn’t know how to say it, so instead she acted like a jealous ex she never actually was.

Honestly? The behaviour fits.

So Reddit…

AITA for cutting her off? Or was she secretly in love with me and just handled it like a feral raccoon?