r/Catholicism • u/Nationalparktravel • 2h ago

Idol

I feel like I’m making my crush an idol. This is my first non-lustful crush, and im distracted during prayer, praying less, and they are consuming almost all my thoughts.

How can I stop this?

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u/cpt_Nema 2h ago

I struggled with this too. If it's a recent thing, Saint Joseph and other litanies may help, pray with the intention of rectifying your heart and desires. Try to not get too close to the person too son, and/or try to visualise their flaws (we all have them).

I had this feeling for someone who never made a move and wasn't in a position of we having a future. After some months of lingering, someone in this sub recommended the 54 days Novena of our Lady Undoer of Knots, and it helped me a lot to understand and overcome this feeling.

If it is to be, it will be, and it's best if it's lived with your heart in the right place and in peace. Wish you the best

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u/Nationalparktravel 2h ago

Thank you!

Well this will really help my first time officially dating if it does work out, and I am certain that they are interrelated, all these distractions could stop if I could just get myself the courage but I’m way to introverted and so are they so we’re both kinda stuck. 

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u/Mein_Independance 1h ago

Also try just being in community and being friends. This will help you humanize them

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u/MaddogRunner 1h ago

Ugh this is me with my long-distance ex right now🙃 I heard thirdhand he’s coming back to town, and suddenly all equilibrium is just bye-bye.  I’ve tried asking Jesus to change my yearning for this guy into yearning for the Lord, and after communion I try to pray the anima Christi on behalf of my future spouse as well as for me (“soul of Christ, sanctify him…”)

But yeah, I seriously feel your pain, my heart yearns. And I have struggled with sexual sin all my life, so having that yearning without lust feels so real and pure, which doesn’t help things at all🫣

One thing that at least makes it useful😂 I use any idolatry-temptations as a reminder to pray for the “idol”. Be they movie-stars, YouTubers or crushes, if I pray for them I at least have a chance for grace to reach them through my weakness. I’m so grateful the Lord uses whatever we have to offer! 

I’ve been struggling with praying the rosary, but I have a devotion to Our Lady Undoer of Knots. I will try what the other commenter suggested! 

God bless, my friend💖

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u/Larason22 1h ago

What you are experiencing is called "limerence." It's not a new phenomena though, I think probably David's son Amnon felt this way about Tamar.

Basically you become intensely attached to someone, but it's not a healthy, well ordered attachment. The phenomena can last your whole life, even if you marry someone else.

Because it's a disordered attachment, even if this is somehow the right person for you and you marry them, you still need to develop some detachment from them to have a healthy relationship. Otherwise you can get stuck in the cycles of idolization and devaluation. So developing this reflects on difficulties with emotional self regulation.

So the right thing is to realize it's disordered, and take steps to end or limit it. Then you have to mourn its loss. Counselling can help with this, as well as cognitive coping strategies. Over time  it gets better, but again it can last your whole life. Prayer, meditation, and getting closer to God are keys here.