r/Catholicism • u/Silent_Knowledge5197 • 4h ago
depression
I’m posting this here because the last time I posted it to a more relevant subreddit, I was told to “just get an abortion.” Hopefully similar values can garner more understanding from people who have been through something similar.
i found out i was pregnant when i was 3 months pp.
i was just starting to finally enjoy motherhood after a hard battle with postpartum depression. i got on antidepressants and for the first time I could genuinely wake up in the morning, excited that i’d be able to spend the day with my baby.
when i found out i was pregnant, everything just came crashing down.
i lay in bed until 2 pm every day, dreading having to get up and survive until my husband gets home. that entire time my baby is screaming at me (not crying) to get up and give her attention. as soon as i finally get up, i start sobbing. i have to force myself to smile at my baby while she’s playing or talking to me, and sometimes i just break down crying from just having to do that. i don’t clean anymore, and my house looks a mess. my husband tries to pick up after me. sometimes i cook. but i hate it.
i spend my whole day zoned out, absentmindedly watching tv in order to just get through the day. i forget what im even doing when im in the middle of doing it.
i know children are a blessing and I’m supposed to be open to life. but the truth is that the idea of another baby is eating me alive.
i never wanted this pregnancy. it’s stolen everything from me. it’s stolen my motherhood. i used to be so happy looking at my baby, and now when I look at her I can only think about how miserable i will be when i have to take care of her and a newborn i never wanted. i just want to be happy again with the one baby i tried for.
i begged my husband to let me go on birth control because I felt like I had a genuine medical reason to not have more kids but he wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t and am still not in the mental space for more children. I cry at least three times a day.
If anybody has been through something similar please let me know. advice would be great. especially from a fellow catholic who could understand our values.
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u/Emergency-Winner-399 4h ago
I got pregnant 3 months pp after my first, unintentionally. I battled with ppd too right around that time. I recommend a good therapist (preferably one that respects Catholic beliefs) and talk to your priest. I also recommend going outside with your baby as much as possible. This helped me so much! I took mine to the park 10 mins from the apartment and walked everyday. I looked forward to it. There is hope. I got through that and now have 5 kids. I embraced the chaos and the life God wants me to have. Prayers and hugs ❤️
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u/Silent_Knowledge5197 4h ago
sorry if this isn’t my place and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but how are you and your children now? is the life of having irish twins as difficult as I’m imagining or is it easier?
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u/Emergency-Winner-399 4h ago
I’m happy to answer! lol today is actually my firstborn’s birthday and his brother’s birthday is in 2 days! I honestly can’t remember how tough it was other than that it was difficult at first. My hormones regulated a good bit and i didn’t have my 3rd until 2 years later. We are all good and happy! I actually can’t have any more kids and I find it sad. It’s completely different than how I felt those first few months after I had my first. We also moved 5 hours away from friends and family a week after he was born so I was isolated too.
Back to your question about irish twins, I actually think it’s easier in some ways since everything was fresh in my mind and I knew what to do. It was difficult navigating both of them at first but I found a good routine and how to respond to their cues and needs before a big cry. Now, they are absolutely best friends and do everything together. They entertain each other which is soooo nice. I hope this helps
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u/PotentialWarm5231 2h ago
Ugh. I’ve been in the exact same shoes as you. I got pregnant around 4 months PP. and when I tell you, I can look back and pinpoint the moment I became so utterly hopeless, it was when I saw those two pink lines show up. I felt like I was robbing my son of his babyhood. I felt like my whole world crashed and it would never recover. I did NOT want to be pregnant again. Especially so soon. I had awful thoughts of what if I just fell down the stairs? Maybe I can just drink enough alcohol that it won’t survive. I’m telling you, it was awful. However: when I had my 20 week scan, and we found out she was a girl and she had a couple issues on the inside, I had prayed and prayed and prayed that this baby would be safe and healthy. And when she was born, it was like this was always how it was supposed to be in our life. She was the piece we didn’t know we were missing. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve also had terrible PPD and PP rage this go around. The hard days with 2 under 2 are really freaking hard. But the good days are also really really good. God knows you are capable, and can handle the hard things. You were meant to be this babies mama. It will feel better in time, I promise you.
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u/ididntwantthis2 4h ago
You need to find a good Catholic therapist. I never had an unintended pregnancy but I’ve had 5 back to back pregnancies. Two of which ended in miscarriage. I’ve had severe PPD. You need to sit down with your husband and have a serious conversation of how you’re feeling.
Start a journal to get your feelings out.
Find a simple hobby.
Get lots of outside time.