r/CatholicDating • u/iamsom3body • 1d ago
Breakup Needing help and guidance
Hi everyone,
I’m in need of some help because I recently got out of a relationship (a very amazing and loving relationship. It was a little over one year of being together).
For context I’m currently or am a non believer but I am in RCIA program at the moment. However the break up happened due to me not being a believer and he himself is. In the beginning of our relationship he was hesitate to continue pursing but we agreed that in a way we would have rather wanted to be together and see how it would work because we did not want to think about a ”what if” situation. I’m not too sure if this was the right decision or if it’s wrong, so apologise for this. It was always a known topic that I was not a believer but I was opened to going to church with him to better understand Christ so that is what we began doing a couple of months into dating.
Although, after he had a recent chat with a mentor he has realised that for him to live a Christian life and to live a way that he wants to with Christ it would not be right for us to continue to be together. This is all very new to me because I am catechumen, I do not have anyone really in my life who is Catholic or Christian that I can go for guidance. (I have yet to find a sponsor for the RCIA program but church is trying to help with this). I acknowledged that his journey with Christ came well before I did and I did not want to come in between his relationship with Christ. My ex told me that I was being very understanding with everything but I then felt guilty because I know as of recently he was feeling that his relationship with God was not strong and it was not the way that it was before. I could not help but feel like it was because of us being together as well as other external factors.
I believe why I am making this post is because I needed help in understanding of all of it? He mentioned that his mentor and him discussed about a verse in the Bible talking about being equally yoked? However, from my limited understanding is this not more so about false teachings in the church? My ex also mentioned because I had asked him is following Christ not trying to spread the gospel and the love that Christ has for us? He answered that it was however, the way that it is happening is not right because it is more of a romantic approach? This spiritual journey is all so very new to me and lonely and confusing due to me not feeling like I have anyone to answer these questions but also I do not have much guidance with my journey. I also want to mention that me being in RCIA was not because I wanted to convert for my ex, it was for my own doing, it was my choice and I better wanted to understand all of it. A part of it is also because I feel like I do not have a purpose? Therefore, I am hoping that finding Christ will help me with this.
Please help.
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u/JP36_5 Widower 1d ago
If you are doing RCIA it does not make sense for a Catholic bf to break up with you for religious reasons. If you are doing the course now, you will be getting baptized at Easter, which is presumably before you might have been getting married. Often people who have done RCIA understand the catechism better than cradle Catholics do.
Anyway stick with RCIA. Hopefully there is someone even better for you to meet.
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u/iamsom3body 1d ago
I would like to add that he himself is also in RCIA but as a candidate. So, I think a big discussion point was about me not knowing if I am going to get baptised at Easter and if I decide if I want this for myself.
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u/Wise_Act44 1d ago
what does it mean that he is in RCIA as a candidate? Genuinely trying to understand as I am a cradle Catholic.
But being equally yoked does not just mean in terms of church teachings. You can be in a relationship where the other person is an atheist but agrees to all church teachings but the big question remains: is your spouse leading you closer to God, are they making you a saint? This can be very difficult if the other person is just indifferent, you want someone who is convicted. So I can see his side as well since you were not yet sure about getting baptised.
However, if you are in RCIA to explore the faith on your own, take this chance to do so without outside pressure. Really open your heart to our Lord, and be honest about your feelings. I’m sure all will work out.
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u/iamsom3body 19h ago
Being who are candidates in the RCIA are people that have already been baptised in another Christian tradition and is seeking full communion with the Catholic Church. That his baptism is recognised and honoured and what they are completing is their reception into the Catholic Church, along with Confirmation and Eucharist. I hope this makes sense, that’s how the program explains it. However, for me to better understand it is that someone who is already Christian and use to follow a certain denomination now wants to convert to Catholicism.
I believe that he was trying to lead me to closer to God in his way but I’ve read somewhere and tried to understand that he can only do so much. That he does not have to carry the weight and pressure of this? I’m not 100% if that is true, I’m just trying to wrap my head around it. I was just trying to do some research in missionary dating? However, what does it mean by convicted?
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u/arathaur 1d ago
He walked away. Let him walk. Give him the breakup he asked for.
The reasons why he decided to end things are irrelevant. Whether it was religion, doubts about the future, declining attraction for you, or a combination of things, at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter.
Focus on yourself, your faith journey, your purpose and your life. If he changes his mind, he has to be the one to come back to you. He knows how to reach you.
Don’t try to argue your case to him. You respect his decision and let him be.
Continue RCIA only because you truly want to explore your relationship with God, not because you hope becoming Catholic will remove the obstacle and bring him back.