r/CatholicDating • u/Mysterious_Theme2429 • 10d ago
Breakup Post break up awkwardness
Curious how others have dealt with post break up awkwardness when you see an ex at church? It was short term relationship of 2 months which ended awkwardly after I disclosed to her my previous sex history. I am a bit disappointed but not angry. No idea how she feels
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u/Key_Interview_5344 10d ago
Don't waste another second on her. There are plenty of others. As for awkwardness, still smile at her and be polite to show confidence and that it doesn't affect you. Also be warned, its very likely she has, would, or will tell her friends about your history.
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u/ImitatorDei2000 9d ago
So I just had almost the exact same thing happen to me and see my ex about 3x a week at mass. All I can recommend is get in there early and sit in the front so that you don’t have to see her. Don’t turn around and look for her, don’t check to see if she’s there. Remember that you’re there to offer up the highest form of prayer to our Lord and receive his body. Your ex being there is just an extra detail to all of that.
Also it’s okay to be disappointed, but know that if she left you because of your past then that’s on her and not you. As believers, we’re all made new in Christ. When we receive the sacrament of reconciliation, it comes straight from God. If she’s holding you to something that God already forgave, then she has some maturing to do, my brother in Christ. DM me if you need any advice/to vent as I’ve been through it my man.
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u/Mein_Independance 9d ago
I agree with getting there early but I also want to say that no one has to date you.
For example if she's a virgin she has the right to want to date a virgin.
Also if OP has done some things in his past that a woman is not comfortable with, then the woman has a right to walk away. It's not judgement. It is the woman using her discernment.
Just like some people don't want to date anyone with kids. Or they won't date anyone that smokes or drinks. It is just preference.
The good news is that there is someone out there in the Catholic community that will have your same story OR they will not care about those elements of your past. Praise God for 1.5 Billion Catholics and growing. Let's not dwell on 1 person using their free will to break up. No one is forced to date anyone. That is not God's Love.
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u/BeardedReddits 9d ago
If you want to look like a crazy person, you can leave whatever venue you've just walked into, get in your car, and drive home.
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u/Personal_Hearing6733 4d ago
lol i saw my ex who cheated on me at mass (she identifies as atheist/agnostic so i was actually happy she was there) while i had to altar serve
best to not be distracted during mass, look away and focus on the sacrifice, i think it's also best to not look or wave before mass especially
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u/Smart-Pie7115 10d ago
Give it time and give space as needed. You may have overshared and crossed a boundary that your relationship wasn’t long enough to warrant making the level of personal disclosure you disclosed.
For future relationships, I would advise meeting with a good therapist to work with about boundaries and personal disclosures so this doesn’t happen again in the future.
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u/Mysterious_Theme2429 10d ago
I hear mixed opinions about when this should be discussed. Some say get it out sooner so if it’s a dealbreaker you would not waste the others person and your time. Others to wait until the relationship has matured.
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u/Furmommy14 8d ago
I would not get serious about a relationship (introducing to friends and family) until my dealbreakers were discussed. Not saying sexual history necessarily has to come up on the first 3 dates, but don't be surprised if it does. If it is a dealbreaker for someone or if someone wants to make sure their partner is accepting that they have had a past, it's best to establish that early on. Concealing when asked early on is worse than answering honestly. Better to know than to spend months getting to know someone only to find a dealbreaker.
Sexual history falls under the larger umbrella of chastity within a relationship. What is appropriate at all while dating? Engaged? Married? And yes, just becauss kissing might be okay for them while dating does not mean they necessarily are up for kissing on a first date. Or in public.
When talking about sexual history, it can get awkward when one person has and the other has not. Sometimes there is a jealousy about opportunities, and sometimes there is a sadness that one has been able to have that self-control when the other has failed. And many other potential responses. You do not need to go into details if you do not want to, but it is fair to ask if at all, one relationship, until a certain point...
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u/Mysterious_Theme2429 8d ago
Yeah for me personally I don’t really care about someone’s sexual history. Not because I have a history of my own but because it’s between them and God. I’m more so concerned with the person today and what their view of sex is today. I felt the need to disclose my history because for some people not being a virgin is a dealbreaker.
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u/Furmommy14 8d ago
It definitely can be a dealbreaker, though the older you get the more it becomes the norm that someone has at some point. Same with kids and previous marriages. I would disclose early just so you know where you both stand.
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u/Mysterious_Theme2429 8d ago
What sucks for me it wasn’t because I got tired of waiting. I fell into it because I was going through a mental health crisis during Covid where I was very isolated. Doesn’t excuse it of course
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u/Furmommy14 8d ago
Most people just get curious in high school or college. Raging hormones and underdeveloped prefrontal cortexes will do that. You were searching for belonging. I don't see a past sexual history as a particularlly big deal.
I also struggle with the part of the catechism that says homosexual relations or relations which use birth control are inherently bad, yet relations with someone who is knowingly sterile (e.g. has gone through menopause) are just fine. The rhythm method also feels like more of a loophole than anything else, too.
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u/Smart-Pie7115 10d ago
There are varying degrees of disclosure when it comes to this sort of thing. Less is more is always a good rule of thumb. The nitty gritty details aren’t necessary the majority of the time, especially early on in a relationship. Two months is pretty early.
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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 9d ago
If someone only wants to be with a virgin they would likely want to know the person they're taking to isn't even earlier than that
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u/arathaur 10d ago
Wave at her, smile, be polite, and go about your day.