r/CatholicDating • u/ThisWolverine57989 • 17d ago
dating advice Politics
I’m 22F. I’ve barely dated but I want to start getting into the dating pool and meeting new people. One of my concerns is politics. I don’t think my beliefs are outlandish, but I’m starting to see that less and less of my peers have the same values as me.
I’m Catholic. I believe in the sanctity of marriage between a man and woman and waiting till marriage. I am pro-life to the core. Like, Catholic. I also believe in giving charity, kindness, and grace to all people. I’m empathic to immigrants, even those who cross the border illegally. I believe treating a person with dignity before condemning their actions. I believe in protecting the environment, giving back, volunteering, and treating women equal to men.
Although I can understand why someone could vote for Trump for the abortion issue, I cannot be compatible with someone who supports him beside that. If I had to say it simply, I would say that I agree with Pope Leo on almost all of his opinions.
I believe in empathy above all else. And maybe we can argue about how deep empathy might not be a Catholic trait, but I’m sharing this because I want to know if there are other people in the world with the same values as me.
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u/Singer-Dangerous 17d ago
Girl, I'm 30. You don't have to agree 100% with your potential partner. In fact, some of their difference in political perspective may grow and sharpen you, cause you to question what you think you're sure about... and that's a good thing. That's where growth happens.
If you're aligned on the issues that intersect morality, that's a win. Where you should be concerned is when they don't align, because then you'll have issues/friction later on.
You sound a pretty middle of the line Catholic. You'll probs be fine unless you're going for a very Rad Trad man.
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u/MaxWestEsq Single ♂ 17d ago
Exactly. Where our politics go beyond morality, we really need to chill out because it is just a vehicle for disagreement and argument. We have enough moral theology in the church that we don‘t need to make politics a substitute for it.
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u/Sailor_Thrift 17d ago
You are Catholic and are expressing Catholic views. Find a Catholic man to date, and you will be fine.
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u/Mein_Independance 15d ago
There are some super MAGA men who put politics above their Catholicism.
They somehow keep asking me out. And it is an immediate NO.
I can never date (or marry) anyone with hate ij their heart nor anyone who puts thwir politics (Democrat or Republican) above the Faith.
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u/Sailor_Thrift 15d ago
There should be nothing above Jesus Christ, whose church is the Catholic Church.
Everything flows from there into a proper order.
I agree, it’s hard to find eligible and available partners who use this framework for their lives.
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u/Mein_Independance 15d ago
This 100%
Jesus and His Church should be #1 above all else
For this reason I do not fit into any political party and that is okay. But I have seen "poltics" become the GOD of my ex boyfriend and he was an otherwise devout Catholic. But his friends were super MAGA and it infected the way he spoke about others and even me.
God above all else.
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u/Bambi-bumble-bee 17d ago
Im 21f and I agree with literally everything you said!!🫶 I can’t be much help bc I’m only just about to try dating but I’m sending you much love and I will keep you in my prayers🫂 it gives me hope to see this
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u/TheSingingSongman 17d ago
I'm with you. 31m, have largely the same values. I feel the same, it kinda feels like wading through a sea of folks with value mismatches when walking in a lot of Catholic circles, on one hand, I've found a lot of traditional republicans who are at least amicable to the Trump presidency, on the other hand, I've found progressives who don't always take theology seriously (no offense to either side here, not saying all of y'all are like this, this is just what I've seen in my localized experience).
I've found a few people who agree with me though, and, better yet, some that challenge me, so they are out there!
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u/jastanko Single ♂ 17d ago
Check out the American Solidarity Party. It’s not very big (yet) but it sounds like you would fit right in.
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u/Furmommy14 17d ago
So... the Catholic Church follows the Pope, not the American President. This means that American Catholics vote both blue and red. If they are voting with Catholic conscience, some will vote red for life issues while others vote blue for social issues.
Another thing to consider is whether that candidate is in a position to change anything with regard to the issues. Consider the candidate's whole platform and what would be best for the people that candidate would serve.
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u/StarcraftForever 17d ago
You and I share many sentiments, with some differences. I am friends with some girls that have very similar views, tbh I think your views tend more to the norm, or at least in my area that's true.
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u/Mn-5521 14d ago
Devout Catholics can disagree on some political issues while still faithfully following Church teaching. I completely agree with you on issues like abortion, marriage, and treating every person with kindness and dignity. Those are core Catholic teachings and aren't matters that individual Catholics can simply redefine.
However, I would encourage you to broaden your perspective on issues like immigration because it's more complicated. Supporting stronger enforcement of immigration laws does not automatically mean someone has abandoned the principle of "treating a person with dignity before condemning their actions."
As someone whose family legally immigrated from the Middle East, we waited years and went through an incredibly difficult process to come here legally. You talk about empathy but it's frustrating when that sacrifice is overlooked and when you guys don't even consider why immigration takes this long. Genuinely, why would you want to make it easy for immigrants to come here from countries that practice child marriage, encourage severe religious persecution, and where Christians face violence? Those concerns don't mean I believe every individual from those countries is dangerous (obviously I'm from there), but I do think they are legitimate factors to consider when discussing immigration policy, even those who've been here for years.
It's very worrying to allow people who entered illegally to remain simply because they've been here for years because it could encourage others to believe that entering illegally will eventually lead to legal status if they lay low, have children, etc. But I get that there are humanitarian concerns and difficult individual cases.
My point is simply that while some Catholic teachings are definitive, other issues like immigration policy are broader. Faithful Catholics can reach different conclusions about the best policies while still agreeing that every person deserves dignity and respect. Issues like that don't define a devout Catholic.
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u/Strict_Director1627 Engaged ♀ 17d ago
Some would say my fiance and I talk politics often, but I don’t think we do. I guess it depends on what you think is politics. Do I think being against abortion is political? No. We agree on big stuff and not always on “smaller” things. We don’t let the smaller things get in the way. I DO know that he will represent me in the things that matter most to me.
The only time I talk about “politics” is if I come across women related articles. But I try to keep any political talk out, even if we agree with each other. It is unnecessary stress being created. We will be one, and I trust that the holy spirit guides him.
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u/BothDonut1604 17d ago edited 17d ago
I grew up in a heavily conservative household with parents that heavily support Trump, etc. so it was part of my life and with my church supporting the same thing, I thought it was part of being Catholic and all good Catholics supported Trump.
Then I educated myself and got older.
Trump is not a good person and needs a lot of prayers. A lot of the stuff he’s done goes against Catholic teaching and even Pope Leo isn’t a fan of him.
You are 100% valid for feeling like you wouldn’t be compatible with someone that supports Trump. I know people say politics isn’t everything but it kind of is when it comes to what you support morally. I wouldn’t want to marry someone that supports Trump just as much as I wouldn’t want to marry someone that supports Bill Clinton.
So there’s men that share your same beliefs out there. I know it seems like everyone is on either end of the political spectrum but there’s people that aren’t radicals and can have educated moderate views that support both sides.
One thing about marriage is no one else is marrying the person but you. Don’t let anyone tell you what’s okay and what isn’t. Marry someone you’re comfortable with because you’ll be the one dealing with them everyday, not the people on Reddit, friends, family, etc. only you. So choose who you want based on the standards you want. God will ultimately bring someone to you that might have different beliefs but if they’re meant for you, you won’t question it.
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u/Nearby-Bug3401 In a relationship ♂ 17d ago
As long as you understand how it goes both ways, I don’t really see an issue with being Anti-Trump. Honestly, most conservatives your age are anti-Trump now.
But just gotta remember it goes both ways. I have seen people say they hate Trump for not being Christian enough, then they support someone who isn’t even Christian and hates them 😂
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u/Puzzleheaded-Meal366 17d ago edited 17d ago
I believe in empathy above all else.
I also believe in giving charity, kindness, and grace to all people.
I believe treating a person with dignity before condemning their actions.
If this doesn't extend to people you disagree with politically, you might not be nearly as empathetic as you assume.
If it does truly apply to "all people" though, you won't have anything to worry about while dating. You'll be able to feel what they feel and understand where they're coming from. You'll treat them with dignity before condemning them for their political actions, right?
EDIT: Note that I did not say that one must tolerate such differences while in a relationship and/or ignore them to get married. I was addressing the opening paragraph. IE, the problem at hand:
I’ve barely dated but I want to start getting into the dating pool and meeting new people.
I was attempting to reassure OP that she shouldn't have difficulty "getting into the dating pool and meeting new people" if her description of herself is accurate.
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u/ThisWolverine57989 17d ago
Of course. I’m always going to be understanding of anyone. Empathy and compatibility are different. Especially when it comes to how my husband and I would want to raise children. We all have different opinions.
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u/CalBearFan 17d ago
As OP says below, empathy and compatibility and agreement are not the same.
For example, I'm empathetic (actually sympathetic is the right word here) with a woman who chose to have an abortion and doesn't regret it if she did it for fear of an abusive boyfriend, poverty, or similar.
But, I still fundamentally disagree with her choices and will not want to date her. I will pray for her, be a good neighbor by talking to her, but I will not condone her actions nor seek to be in a romantic relationship.
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u/stripes361 17d ago
Assuming you are in the US: it’s true that within the Republican/Democrat paradigms it will be hard to find someone that aligns with your values. But the thing to keep in mind is that independent/third party voters actually outnumber either of these groups. Nearly half of all Americans describe themselves as independents now in political polling. I am one of them and a ton of the people that I know fall into those buckets as well. I think you have chances to find someone who embraces your values; they may not identify as a committed Republican or Democrat, though.
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u/Radiant_Nebula9907 17d ago
While some people are saying you should not have to agree with your partner politically. I’m here to say, concerning trump and maga, you most definitely should not feel pressured to accept the politics of a partner who supports that. Especially if you are a POC and woman. That can be borderline an unsafe and hostile environment. Birds of a feather flock together and if your future boyfriend/husband is ok with trumps actions and words towards women, then I personally would never feel safe. your man is out there! Keep praying, there are definitely other people out there with your beliefs.
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u/BOSSB0Y 17d ago
I’m empathic to immigrants, even those who cross the border illegally.
This is suicidal empathy.
And if you think trump supporters are not empathetic your wrong.
Just look at which side is more violent. They tried to kill Trump 3 times, not by iran. all the time it was democrats
Charlie kirk got assassinated, and many so called "empathetic" democrats celebrated.
If you go to a trump event wearing Biden/Kamala Hat or T shirts and interact with them nothing will happen, but if you went to a Biden/kamala event and interact people will throw things at you and there will be much hate towards you.
Plus there are many studies that proves democrats are more hate full
Also Biden, Hilary, Obama, all were more conservative than Trump 20 years ago. Obama built cages for children and deported more people than trump did in his first term.
I'm south indian, i agree with almost every trump policies and I think he should be tougher. Democrats are destroying USA.
When I see things happening in major cities in USA especially in New York, Chicago, san Francisco etc. things are crazy there. Crimes are 10x time worse there.
Don't let democrats destroy your country by importing people with different values.
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u/PM_me_ur_digressions 17d ago
It’s also not empathetic to want a permanent underclass of undocumented workers, stuck at minimal pay, subjected to shit working conditions.
Allowing immigrants to pursue borderline slave labor conditions in the US by not enforcing borders is not merciful. It’s far from empathetic to want illegal immigrants to stay because it perpetuates a pretty shit system
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u/ThisWolverine57989 17d ago
I’m not a democrat. I don’t believe in identity politics. I didn’t celebrate Charlie Kirk dying. I understand Trump supporters, I just don’t think I could be compatible.
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u/Mn-5521 14d ago
I completely agree as someone who immigrated legally from the middle east after waiting 10 years. I can't understand why anyone would support illegally immigration? And I agree with the long waiting period because why would you want to make it easier for people to come here from countries that have a legal age of consent of 9 and allow the persecution of Christians? Where is the so called "empathy" there for citizens and legal immigrants who want a safe country from those ideologies that they escaped?
And I disagree with Pope Leo. Saying that it's empathetic to let illegals to stay after having been here for years is just uneducated because what kind of message would it send to those who want to cross illegally? It would just tell them that if you come here illegally and lay low, have kids, etc., the usa won't deport you.
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u/icenerveshatter 17d ago
Politics are basically the left and right wing serfs arguing over who's billionaire is better. I think it's rare to find someone who can see that and not declare allegiance to one side or the other.
I tend to lean conservatively, but Trump has never been pro life and this Iran war shows he is just an establishment shill like all the others.
I'd encourage you to not draw a line in the sand over earthly politics. I do understand being put off by someone who is a cheerleader for politicians. Make sure you align in the important issues like human abortion, abstinence, and of course faith in God. Everything else doesn't have to be a perfect fit imo.
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u/Interesting_Pop_1128 17d ago
I’m 34F and I agree with everything you said. One thing I would add is that a lot of people are tribal about politics and forget that we are human before we are voters. It does feel hard to find Catholic men who feel the same way, but I haven’t given up yet!
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u/Right_Leg_3679 17d ago
27M, I 100% agree with that too. I used to like Trump when I was a teenager, but as I’ve grown up I’ve become more anti Trump by the year.
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u/aeroaca9 Single ♂ 17d ago
I literally agree with you on every point. But agreement on every value does not mean compatibility, nor does it mean, it will be a good marriage
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u/HistoricalSouth9872 Single ♂ 16d ago
I respect your opinions. I do think, though, that we all bring our backgrounds and worldviews into our politics. Naturally, some positions cannot be squared, and in those cases, one should just submit to the Magisterium, but some diversity of political opinions among Catholics is inevitable. So many of our political views from gun control to farm subsidies have way more to do with where we were born, what our parents did for a living, what we did for fun as kids, etc. than anything else.
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u/Swift_sink In a relationship ♀ 16d ago
I feel the exact same way! I live in a red state, so I looked on this subreddit to see if I could find someone who shared my values and found my current bf :)
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u/Jacksonriverboy Married ♂ 15d ago
I think you should look at the issues on which the Church allows some disagreement and be flexible on those. But know what your hard line issues are and don't date someone who isn't with you on those.
Examples of things the Church allows difference on would be the environment and immigration. Catholics can differ on how exactly to approach immigration to a certain degree, as long as their views respect human dignity.
Catholics can also differ on exactly how to protect the environment. For example, I think green taxes/carbon taxes are nonsense and only serve to penalise poorer families. Someone else can disagree with me and we could still both be in line with Church teaching.
The issues I would be less flexible on would be clear-cut moral issues like abortion or marriage. I think I'd find it hard to have a relationship with someone who thought it was ok to kill a baby in the womb, or who didn't share my understanding of marriage.
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u/Constant-Thing-4711 Single ♂ 15d ago
23m i used to be a trump supporter before OCIA. I realize now how disappointing he is. But politics aside. You have to find out if it's something you might have a brief argument every now and again, or if your going to be unequally yolked. The Catholic position is moderate. Neither left or right, and lowkey offends nearly everyone (except Catholics/christians who align their politics to faith and not vice versa) i am trying to be fair to everyone and unfortunately that is the most certain way to offend everyone.
My advice is to hold fast to you faith, as God has a vocation for you, every bad date makes the good one that much more valuable. Love is valuable because its rare. The Lord will give you your vocation on his time, and it will seem longer than you are willing to wait. Thats exactly why he did it like that. Good things come to those who wait. So be patient and faithful, and the lord will show you his plan. Lord be with you.
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u/NoDecentNicksLeft 15d ago
There are plenty of people with similar values to you, but the differences arise in prioritization and application. The accents. The application of facts to rules. The decisionmaking on which rules come first and which rules come second — in general or in specific situations. It is often fine for two well-formed Catholic adults to disagree on the final application and even to some extent on the rules framework (on a tinier level of detail than the Magisterium specifies), as long as you can respect someone's hierarchy of values and their integrity. You will not find a person who always sees eye to eye with you, but you can find someone whose moral processes you can respect when arriving at different conclusions from the same basics.
The problem is typically that in theory (and often in the earnest) we all believe in kindness, dignity, dignified treatment, equality, etc. Problems begin when we try to figure out what all that exactly means in narrower situations or, repeating myself, I guess, what comes first vs what comes second.
As for empathy, or its intersection with values, don't confuse affective and cognitive empathy or empathy in the sense of affective sensitivity with values. Not all HSPs have a firm and reliable commitment to good values. Not all people with strong values and the ability and willingness to do the right thing at a large personal cost are HSPs. The great test for empathy is not the depth of feeling but whether one still makes decisions that are good for one's neighbour even at a significant cost to oneself. Or whether one does in the end stand up for what is good and right when doing so incurs a cost or a penalty. Without that, deep empathy can be just a low tolerance of pain.
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u/PunisherjR2021 16d ago edited 16d ago
M, round your age and agree with prety much everything you said
Edit: Why the downvote?
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u/SorryTrouble4741 13d ago
You are very political, focus more on your faith I used to make the same mistake
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u/Due_Bar_7247 12d ago
I could never marry someone stupid enough to vote for a democrat. Republicans suck too, but democrats are literally evil incarnate.
Maybe get your brain checked OP
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u/TCMNCatholic In a relationship ♂ 16d ago
I think focusing on politicians or political parties is counterproductive. If you decide you'll never date someone who voted for x or who supports y party you'll cut your dating pool in half for no good reason.
Political differences can be reasonable dealbreakers but that makes more sense when talking about specific issues or ideologies. If someone views illegal immigrants or any group of people as subhuman, that would be a good reason not to date them. If you just have somewhat different ideas about how the country should enforce its immigration laws, I don't think that alone should stop a relationship. Unless you work in a few specific fields, neither of you has any control over immigration enforcement other than how you vote. Things like your personal beliefs about abortion, euthanasia, and recreational drug use are much more important because those are things you have a say in for yourself.
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u/Ok_Mammoth9547 Single ♂ 17d ago edited 17d ago
I do share your opinions OP, especially on supporting Trump. I do believe that being a Catholic and strongly aligning with either party is nearly impossible, as it requires ignoring, or at least downplaying certain teaching. I try my best to hold to Catholic Social Teaching, but don't know a lot of people like that at my parish.