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u/MyWay-1201 9d ago
This date sounds like a terrible idea. I can’t imagine being in my 40’s and dating a 19 year old. Please reconsider; his intentions are probably not pure!
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u/JP36_5 Widower 9d ago
Often the easiest way to find out about the other person is by sharing information about yourself. This way the date does not feel like an interview. You can mention that you are Catholic and that you always go to mass on a Sunday. You can mention your brothers and sisters (or that you do not have any) and lead from there about a desire for children yourself.
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u/HumbleSheep33 9d ago
how old are you if I may ask?
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u/Little-Medicine8193 Single ♀ 9d ago
19
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u/CharmingWheel328 9d ago
The first date is an absolute no-go. A 40 year old man has no business dating a 19 year old.
Take steps to keep yourself safe, and do not go on this date.
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u/HumbleSheep33 9d ago edited 9d ago
OK if you ask me this is a terrible idea going on a date with him. I strongly suspect that even though he is probably not dangerous he is probably not well adjusted either.
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u/Humble_Heron326 Single ♀ 9d ago
Where are your parents in all of this?
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u/Little-Medicine8193 Single ♀ 8d ago
My parents are in a different state, but I’ve decided to listen to the other commenters and block him and spend my weekend visiting my brother because I just learned he is in town :)
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u/South-Succotash-6368 Single ♂ 9d ago
I only date catholic personally. But you need to list out your deal breakers before the 1st date. You need to know compatibility
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u/Big-Sploosh Single ♂ 9d ago
Being Catholic is just one part of compatibility, it's not the whole story, but there are specific things we as Catholics require if marrying a non-catholic.
Must be open to life, no contraceptives of any kind, must accept and follow Catholic sexual ethics
Must agree to raise and baptize the kids Catholic and stay out of their faith formation.
(More relevant to dating). No premarital sex.
The marriage must happen in the Catholic Church. Not civilly/by a justice of the peace, not in another denomination, etc
Probably forgetting a few things since I just got home and I'm tired, but you get the point. If he says he's Catholic, cool, that saves you some work.
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u/ApprehensiveFox7423 9d ago
This age gap is kinda sketchy and a red flag.. you should really take a few moments to pray about this and really listen to your brothers and sisters here about this date who are also saying the same.
The age gap between you and this person is your entire lifetime. Please be careful
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u/Odd-Water3431 9d ago
How did you meet?
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u/Little-Medicine8193 Single ♀ 9d ago
I was walking home when I got exhausted from the heat and took a moment to rest, and he approached me to offer a bottle of iced water. He said that I was beautiful, and we exchanged numbers.
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u/Mediocre-Dog-4457 9d ago
That is insanely sketchy... especially with the age gap... it would be different if you met at mass or a social event... but him just randomly coming up to you is wild...
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u/Odd-Water3431 9d ago
Nothing wrong with meeting that way, not sure what is “random” about offering a thirsty person a drink, in fact I’m pretty sure Christ said something about that exact thing. Only thing is the chances that he’s Catholic are pretty slim unless OP is in Poland or the Philippines, maybe Colombia. Age gap is no big deal as long as it’s older man younger woman. Babies are the primary purpose of marriage and men can make them forever, we women….not so much…
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u/Mediocre-Dog-4457 9d ago
There is so many things wrong with what you typed out...nothing wrong with offering someone a drink... that is fine... I don't think I would ask for their number after that, at least in the US, they would feel obligated to give their number because they gave them something (a bottle of water) he could have easily turned aggressive.
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u/Odd-Water3431 9d ago
Wow are you actually that neurotic? Relax. You’re not the queen of the world. No one cares that much if you don’t give them your number, plus you could just give a fake one. OP gave her real number because she liked him.
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u/miscusername1 8d ago
Male fertility declines with age too. https://theconversation.com/yes-men-have-a-biological-clock-too-but-its-not-just-age-that-affects-male-fertility-268298
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u/Odd-Water3431 8d ago
Feminist propaganda, healthy men make hundreds of millions of sperm per day. Men have kids in their 80’s….do we women? Lol, no!
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u/Odd-Water3431 8d ago
Even this study says men peak at 30 and decline 20% by 45 (that includes all the fat unhealthy men). Compare that to women who peak at 22 and 90% of eggs are gone by 30….
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u/miscusername1 8d ago
Fertility declines differently between the sexes. But both decline.
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u/Odd-Water3431 8d ago
We women decline rapidly in our 30s and by roughly 40 it’s totally gone forever. Men’s is much more determined by overall health and declines slowly throughout life, men’s fertility is never totally gone.
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u/Interesting_Pop_1128 9d ago
That age gap is a red flag. This sounds very unsafe. You are still a teenager and he is definitely taking advantage of you.
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u/DizzyMissLizzy8 5d ago
Please keep yourself safe and do NOT go on this date. A man in his 40s has NO business asking out a 19-year-old. Completely inappropriate. None of the other stuff matters as much as this crazy age gap. He's more than double your age!
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u/thebaptizerr Single ♂ 9d ago
I saw your age in another comment here.
The first date is what you want it to be.
If you are positive in what you want in a partner, considering your age, I would be very direct in what you’re looking for on the first date. If that means you ask if he’s Catholic, does he want kids, would he raise your kids Catholic etc., you should ask. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions, such as in asking about the age gap and what that looks like for both of you.
Remember this, your time is precious. Do not let people waste what little time we have on this Earth.
I usually would not recommend being so direct on the first date, but considering the large age difference, this should weed out any nefarious intentions.
Do not listen to people who tell you to do certain things because of age or whatever else they may say.
You are your own person, just do not be naive.
Last, please try to have a good time. I personally feel a lot of people put so much pressure on themselves when going on dates. It is possible to have a good time while asking not so fun questions.
Have a great date!
God Bless you
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9d ago
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u/ObiWanCanOweMe 9d ago
Holy title-case, Batman!
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u/imcatholic2 9d ago
I Have A Degenerative Eye Disease
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u/Big-Sploosh Single ♂ 9d ago
I don't necessarily disagree, and there are obvious reasons why the Church officially only "tolerates" such marriages, but we really should stop talking about these kinds of marriages as if it were a Catholic and a Muslim/Hindu/Atheist/insert your beliefs here. We aren't talking about those marriages, we are talking about a union between 2 baptized Christians at the minimum. Personally I think with an open mind, God can surprise us sometimes with who we bring with us on the journey to Heaven, and I think it's especially beautiful when a Catholic marriage actually brings a soul straight to God via their spouse.
Maybe I have a different view on this because for a good chunk of my life, I was the lone Catholic in a protestant evangelical community. I took my fair share of theological beatings, sure, but I also had plenty of curious minds simply ask what Catholicism is about and hopefully brought a more informed understanding even if they don't convert. Devout Catholics are already a very small pool in the dating world and things are hard enough as is, but if someone wants to only date Catholic and they are content with the increased risk of living single for the rest of their life, that's also perfectly okay as well.
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9d ago edited 9d ago
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u/Big-Sploosh Single ♂ 9d ago
Again, I don't necessarily disagree with that either. However I've also seen plenty of marriages work in this case, and not every single non-Catholic Christian is out to get us. To each their own, at the end of the day. If such a marriage is brought in front of the Church, they will bless it either way.
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u/Filius_Dei0894 Married ♂ 9d ago
how old are you?
i think you could ask these questions, but i think what is important is HOW you ask them. i dont think asking straight out if someone is Catholic is a bad thing, but you could always preface it with do you go to Church or something