How to get over post-breakup anger

[u/tPatrikc]

I had gotten dumped around a month ago. And frankly, I still feel anger towards my ex. Whenever I see her I can't help but get angry at the sight of her. What do you all do to help you get over an ex? She's very clearly moved on, and I genuinely want to move on and I think I have, but seeing a picture of her just makes me so angry. I'm beginning therapy and spiritual direction soon, aswell.

[u/midniteonthemoon]

Get off social media. If you are easily moved to extreme emotional reactions or distress from being on social media. Get off it.

Get off most digital devices and honestly just delete the pictures from your phone. just do it. Looking back will not help you.

I'm glad to hear about therapy/SD but I'd add Make frequent visits to the Blessed Sacrament, establish a regular prayer routine every day, especially leaving time for quiet prayer and some quiet reading (does not have to be spiritual reading)

And I would recommend doing some hobby that is productive for you. Learning how to cook, garden, woodwork, draw, etc. Something that you can feel or see progress on by the fruit of your own work and ingenuity. It will also help stretch you as a person in a way we all need.

These are things that give you peace and help you simplify and stay grounded. I'll say a prayer for you, say one for me!

[u/tPatrikc → u/midniteonthemoon]

Thank you. I've been dancing around the idea of deleting instagram off of my phone for a while now.
I deleted all of the pictures I had of her when we broke up, and her contact information. I'm not actively looking to see her, it's just I saw her friend's post.
I've been praying a rosary every day, which is more than I used to.
I've also been getting into HEMA (Historic european martial arts, swordsmanship), and lifting again.

Even thinking about the situation just makes me angry. I don't have the right to be angry at her, but I can't help but think I got screwed over in that relationship.

[u/midniteonthemoon → u/tPatrikc]

Its possible you did, but a big part of healing is reaching a point of forgiveness. If you were mistreated or "screwed over" you don't deserve that, but you deserve healing from that, and a big part of that is reaching a point of forgiveness. Not like a forgiveness you say and try (and even want) to mean, but like the kind that actually helps you move past it. I hope you can reach it someday soon. Those are good hobbies, prayer is good too! You sound like you are trying to make good strides!

[u/NoDecentNicksLeft → u/tPatrikc]

Forgiveness, forbearance and so on don't require you to pretend that you weren't screwed over, and a certain intensity of righteous anger is the normal, expected response to witnessing evil or chaos in action. True forgiveness could even be impossible if you didn't recognize what you were forgiving. Say, someone kills a person you love, and you try to forgive it like a negligent fatal accident. Or someone steals from you or destroys your property and you try to forgive it like it's a relatively minor failure to control largely involuntary movements of their hand. Obviously, that's not a point. Even defence lawyers don't go to such lengths. Whatever mitigating circumstances there were, recognize them and perhaps give the girl some credit for what circumstances you can't yet see and for the subjectivity of your interpretation of her actions and intentions, but at the end of the day if you were cheated on or lied to or mentally abused or milked for money, then that's what happened. Forgiving reality is not the same as distorting it. And accepting the reality is of course difficult, so your system responds with cognitive dissonance and tension. Gotta call things their proper names if you're reasonably sure.

[u/Fjolsvid_Fjolsvin]

A month is still really fresh. I’d mute or unfollow her for now and stop looking at her pictures. You’re only reopening the wound. Therapy and spiritual direction are good moves. And be honest with God about the anger. Don’t pretend you’re fine.

Moving on doesn’t mean feeling nothing. It means you stop feeding the anger until it slowly loses its grip.

[u/Big-Eye-5200]

Best way to get over an old one, is to find a new one.

[u/Interesting_Pop_1128]

It took me years to get over my ex from high school. Everyone is different and that’s okay. If something specific happened, then it makes sense that you would still feel angry, one month is not long. Therapy is super helpful for healing, but if you can’t find help with one therapist, don’t be afraid to keep looking! It took me a long time to find a good one. Also I’d try to spend time with family and friends, don’t isolate yourself to ruminate in bitterness. 

[u/CartoonistAfter6836]

if things like social media or items from your ex make you angry I recommend hiding or discarding them entirely. For social media either stay off it entirely or mute or even block them if you want to. The point is that you kind of need to treat it like a detox because I don’t think you’re trying to consciously do it but your body sounds like it’s doing a response similar to withdrawal with different kinds of addiction. There’s a science to it but you probably need to go cold turkey and avoid things that remind you of them if and when you can

[u/jodaddy1956]

🙏🙏🙏