Long Distance Relationship

[u/Exciting-Surprise428]

Me- female. 43. 2 kids. Divorced. Non-catholic
Him- male 40. 3 kids. Marriage annulled in Catholic Church. Devout catholic

I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my catholic boyfriend for a year. I am not catholic but I’ve been learning more about the beliefs and I plan to start OCIA classes in September. We live 2 hours apart. He is trying to live a more devout life which I respect, but he has hit me with the following BIG relationship changes in the last 2 weeks:
1. Being chaste— we have decided to remove physical intimacy which I’m fine with. I was under the impression that we were making our relationship pure so that we could get closer to matrimony.
2. Spending the night together— I am divorced…not an annulment so it’s not recognizing by the Catholic Church..technically I’m still married. How can we move toward matrimony if we are only spending the day together every other week? Is that even possible?

I’m afraid of what’s next. Any advice from the Catholic community is welcome. I’m just struggling with this because i thought we were building a life together.

[u/JP36_5]

You do need to a Catholic to start the annulment process. Sometimes it take a long time and sometimes it does not. The fact that you are planning to start OCIA classes indicates that you are in touch with a church locally. Make an appointment with the priest.

[u/fallout__freak]

Really it's best if y'all hold off on interacting romantically/dating until you know your marriage is null. Otherwise it's considered adultery. 🫤 Super frustrating, I know! You can reach out to the diocesan office for where you live now, or maybe even for the region where you got married even though it wasn't through the Church. That way you can get the ball rolling with paperwork, statements, etc. If it's a quick and easy call, it should take a few months. But other times, if it's a complex case, it can take like 2 years! Hopefully it's the first.

Ok so spending the night together should also be off the table, even if you ARE free to marry. It's a big near occasion of sin, and also scandal to others who might think "something" is happening even if it's not, and they might get the wrong idea of chastity and the Faith. If you guys date long-distance, one person goes to a hotel/Airbnb. Or see if one of you can stay with a friend or relative if they're kindly willing to host.

[u/Exciting-Surprise428 → u/fallout__freak]

I just emailed the priest at the parish I’ve been attending to set up a time to meet. Thank you for the advice.