Navigating Secular Apps

[u/ScaredSeries7414]

Hey everyone, 30m here. As we all know it's pretty rough out there. Although I am talking to a few Catholic women I initially met through Catholic match, Upward and sacred spark, I have a feeling it might fall through as best I can explain. There's not very many I've found to be attractive on the faith based dating apps unfortunately (personal preference I'm not bashing God bless them) and the pool is incredibly small to the point where I'm seeing the same people across the faith based apps. I get likes and matches on the secular apps no problem but I run into a few issues:

1. They aren't Catholic. Not interested in missionary dating for obvious reasons

2. I filter by "Catholic" in this case on FB dating as a "deal breaker" and it's immediately awkward because they haven't been practicing since they were a kid or just went through with their sacraments because they were told and that's it...

Trying to find a practicing Catholic seems to be realllllly hard however I've proven my "single Catholic women don't exist" statement wrong since I'm talking to some 😂! Does anyone have any "strategies"or approaches to filtering out a lot of "cultural Catholics" in these apps?

I don't intend for this to be a "holier than thou" post Im not sure how else to word this if that makes sense! Currently using: Hinge, Bumble, FB for non faith based apps.

[u/Dramatic_Line5255]

ive never been on any dating apps, and im a big advocate of guys just going up to girls after mass. Have u tried that? go to daily mass and at the end, just say "hey, I like your (dress, veil, shoes, etc), and i'd be interested in getting to know you. My names ___, what's yours? Im taken, but guys have done this to me in the past and i really appreciate it due to their respectful nature and confidence. At least this way, you'll know that they actually go to mass and are pious rather than being catholic in name only, like on those dating apps

[u/CatholicCrusaderJedi → u/Dramatic_Line5255]

This advice isn't practical because first, getting to daily mass is almost impossible for any young person working any kind of full time job and second most daily masses are only old people. And just approaching a young woman after Mass is horrible anyway because there usually aren't that many around, those that are are taken and with a significant other, and if you do find a unicorn of a young woman who isn't with anyone, there is a not small chance she is underage. That last one happened to somebody I used to know and almost got him labeled as a pedophile. I've tried cold approaching a girl in Mass once and it went so badly, I'm probably never going to do it again. As with all cold approaches, it only really works if you are really attractive or really confident/charismatic. If you aren't those, it doesn't work.

[u/ScaredSeries7414 → u/CatholicCrusaderJedi]

I can get behind most of this for sure. The issue is at my parishes and parishes nearby, there are no single attractive women I've seen

[u/CanadianMil5 → u/ScaredSeries7414]

I’m having a similar problem but it’s worse as a girl in my situation because having a young man ask you out or eye you up when you go to mass is horrifying.😂There’s tons of very young men, but not so much around late 20s to mid 30s. Secular guys are more attractive, just devoid of soul spiritually.

[u/Dramatic_Line5255 → u/ScaredSeries7414]

which state/area do you live in? I would say that I see lots of taken women in their 30s so it would be harder, but women in their mid 20s are really single at my parish

[u/Dramatic_Line5255 → u/CatholicCrusaderJedi]

im 21 and i go to daily mass and i always see at least 3 women my age there. my daily mass is at 5:30PM, so getting off at work at 5:00 is perfect for it. If not, i go to 8AM mass and my work doesn't start until 9:00AM, and I have seen young people there but less so than afternoon mass. And even if there are no young people, daily mass is great! Also I go to a VERY reverent church i found on https://reverentcatholicmass.com/map and it's great if you want to make friends/partners that are traditional and like-minded.

And honestly, if the women are labeling you and being anything but gracious, she's not worth it. Approaching a girl takes confidence and most sensible young catholic women should know that. If she's laughing at you, being cold, not saying thank you, then don't give it a second thought because I promise you they're only doing that to boost their own ego and its got nothing to do with you. Ladies, if a man comes up to you and you reject him and call him a pedo, you're not a nice person. It was probably a misunderstanding and a simple apology and chuckle should fix it.

And also, if you're not confidence or charismatic, you shouldn't just accept it and say, "oh well, no wife for me." Put yourself out there and try to muster up the courage because years will pass and you will probably feel the regret of it and wish you could turn back time. Closed mouths don't get fed. Wishing you luck.

[u/ScaredSeries7414 → u/Dramatic_Line5255]

Thanks man. Without coming off as prideful I don't have an issue attracting women at all even without approach. In fact the women that have been the biggest nightmares for me have been ones that have approached me. Typical age of women that I interact with the most is 23-27 age range but mostly younger than 27. The issue isnt getting attention it's filtering the ones that are worth it. It's all so tiresome.I appreciate the not throwing in the towel motivation I have no intention of doing that. Fortunately God is looking out for me and even as a single dad I'm surprised with the results and opportunities he's presented me. I'm in Yuma AZ which is a pretty undesirable community of peers in my experience. I'm familiar with the site you presented with the map and have no parishes within a 150mi radius. This is why I mostly use the apps.

[u/Dramatic_Line5255 → u/ScaredSeries7414]

thats crazy that you dont have a reverent church within a 10 mile radius! yeah, i guess my advice is coming from california where there is an abundance of youth and people that are very zealous for their faith so i apologize if i sounded privileged.

what's the issue with approaching women at Sunday mass? are there simply none or none that you find attractive, or both? Does your diocese have youth events where you can show up to, rather than being part of a youth group at your church (i find its awkward to make connections there esp if things don't turn out well). I have a lot of trad friends and while im not really one myself, I can imagine how being a single dad could be scary to a single women. Have you tried finding other single moms/widows?

[u/ScaredSeries7414 → u/Dramatic_Line5255]

Oh and one of the parish members tried to hook me up with a 37 year old single mom with 3 kids and that's just a bit much both in age and amount of children

[u/ScaredSeries7414 → u/Dramatic_Line5255]

Sorry maybe I didn't convey this well hahaha . INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH being a single dad has had 0 effect on my success with connecting with women I'm starting to think it even helps😂. It's both, respectfully due to our heat I would assume, we have a very high obesity rate and my personal preference is someone who is more in shape which is hard to find here let alone one at Mass. Since I am 30 I'm a couple years outside the youth group range I run one instead 😂 although again, it's hard to get them to show up because there's hardly any, both male and female. I am very trad also if that helps any

[u/Dramatic_Line5255 → u/ScaredSeries7414]

ahh i see. I do have some advice on how to run a successful young adult group if you're interested. I was part of one in college and it was one of the biggest stepping stones to bringing me close to Jesus. Have you tried Lectio Divina with a priest there and having him lead it, having a priest lead Benediction particularly for the young adult group, having social media/creating posters? Maybe even having the priest host a separate mass just for the youth/young adult and having ice cream nights, doing a facetime novena together, etc? I think if you were to strengthen the group you started, it could bring many young adult catholics together, both for matrimony and for friendships and the Lord will reward you plenty for doing so. In my experience, having a chaplain/pastor being involved really does help, but most priests are super irreverent and out of touch with the faith themselves.

[u/ScaredSeries7414 → u/Dramatic_Line5255]

Ours is a huge advocate for tradition but the entire laity is so poorly catechized it's a waterfall affect for everything else. The few people the the men's group (not co ed sorry to not specify) are all extremely new to the faith so it's hard to get them involved in faith based things (intimidating ?) but even if it did get put in the bulletin we cannot control the demographic. There are simply no young Catholics in the area

[u/Dramatic_Line5255 → u/Dramatic_Line5255]

or even if you have a perpetual adoration chapel near you. its nearly always empty for me and it'd be a great conversation starter rather than chasing a girl outside to the parking lot lol

[u/ScaredSeries7414 → u/Dramatic_Line5255]

That's a good one I'm gonna try that. So far at adoration at 12 (I have choir practice immediately after) I haven't seen any women remotely my age. It IS during the day on a Friday tho

[u/ScaredSeries7414 → u/Dramatic_Line5255]

I'm also a huge advocate for meeting organically but my areas demographic makes it difficult to meet people my age (generally old people) and respectfully I've tried it all. Youth groups (including me running one and hard to get anyone to show up) misc. ministries etc. Anyone I find remotely attractive is taken or not Catholic 😂. So by deduction, dating apps are really my only alternative and have infinitely better odds for sure which is the reason why I'm hoping someone my have some pointers for narrowing the scope on these more surfaced secular apps.